Shahrukh Is Love

Proceed with caution

2012-01-29T13:05:00.000+13:00

Bawandar(Jagmohan Mundhra, 2000)

Bawandaris based on the true story of Rajasthani woman Bhanwari Devi, whowas gang-raped by five village elders because she took a governmentjob as a “saathin” - a village advocate for women's rights,partly responsible for educating against and reporting the illegal,but long-held tradition of child marriage. Told largely in flashbackform, the story kicks off when a foreign journalist (Laila Rouass)accompanied by a local guide, Ravi (Rahul Khanna), come to a tinyRajasthani village seeking Sanwari Devi (Nandita Das), a woman allthe locals decry as being a prostitute and a whore. They find herliving in isolation, and she tells them how she came to be so reviledby her village.

Depressing?YES. This isn't a happy film. Be warned. If you only like Indianfilms for glitter and songs and colour and happy endings, then steerclear of Bawandar.

Atthe time of its release, Bawandar did the film festivalcircuit, and picked up a tonne of awards – Best Actress for NanditaDas, a couple of Best Film accolades, an Audience Choice Award. Itcaused a storm of controversy in India (and I am still not clear onwhether it ever ACTUALLY released there: some sources say it wasbanned outright; some say it would be released pending VERYsignificant cuts) with stories emerging that the woman Bawandarwas based on hadn't been consulted at all and that she wasunhappy with the film, “weary and bitter” with both thegovernment and the aid organisations she had been working with. Idon't really know how much of that is true – what IS interesting isthat Bawandar itself offers a seemingly bitingperspective at some of the aid organisations/workers and theirattitudes towards helping the less fortunate. Lillette Dubey plays amiddle class New Delhi-ite social worker who, along with hercolleagues, is more concerned with the shopping and imageopportunities afforded by helping a high profile case like SanwariDevi. Deepti Naval's character, on the other hand, as the woman whorecruited Sanwari Devi into the saathin programme and who thus feelsresponsible for her resulting hardships, provides balance as acharacter who is truly selfless and willing to undergo personalhardship for the sake of what is right.

Regardlessof the background, this is an important film. It's not a perfectfilm – the narrative dips into cartoony melodrama once toooften, especially in terms of the police, who are ALL depicted ascaricaturish villains (thankfully, not all the men in the film arecardboard cutout cartoon evil characters – Gulshan Grover as acommitted, competent, thoughtful lawyer is AMAZINGLY refreshing;Raghuvir Yadhav as Sanwari's enlightened, supportive husband who ispowerless to help his wife is HEARTBREAKING); it gets a little tooobviously preachy in spots where the filmmakers seem to want toaddress/draw attention to as many possible social issues as they canjust by having characters complain about them (the opposite of show,don't tell) – but it deals with rape, a notoriously thorny issue inIndian films, in a way that puts the woman's entire experience,physical AND emotional, at the centre of the film. This is not alurid rape-revenge tale, or rape in a film as yet another opportunityfor the male hero to show his manliness and save the woman. This filmexplores sexual assault for what it is: an attempt to subjugate andhumiliate the victim, and Bawandar is notable in thatit shows the entire process and the effects on the victim (and thevictim's friends and family) following from the initial assault: fromtelling a friend it happened, trying to report it to the police, themedical examination, gathering evidence, being cross examined incourt, and facing the perpetrators in public.

Thisis obviously in stark contrast to the scores of Indian movies whererape is pretty flippantly treated as a 30 second plot device to showwho are the bad guys (the rapists) and who are the heroes (the oneswho rescue the rape victims), and the heroine/victim recovers and isapparently unaffected by her ordeal. Have you seen Enthiran?Aishwarya Rai's character is assaulted at least 3 times in the courseof that film, just so she can be saved by Rajnikanth, and emergeseach time apparently entirely unscathed.

Obviously,given the subject matter, which also addresses caste discrimination(Bhanwari, renamed Sanwari in the film for legal reasons, is of alower caste to her attackers, who are the village leaders and whodecree her entire family outcasts as soon as she starts stirring upcontroversy as a saathin) Bawandar is not exactly whatyou would describe as a pleasant or enjoyable watch. The last filmthat made me as uncomfortable was Shakti: The Power –though that was in a slightly different way, the violence andill-treatment of women seeming perhaps more lurid. Bawandarnever seemed exploitative – it's merely direct and if anything,foregrounds how much inner strength and dignity the central characterhas even in the face of unrelenting injustice, but I caution all ofyou reading: there are few scenes in cinema more poignantly upsettingthan the aftermath of the traumatic rape scene in this film, whenSanwari's badly beaten husband, who had been forced to helplesslywitness his wife's gang rape, rushes to be with her.

Nandita Das andRaghuvir Yadhav are truly the soul of this film, each givingheartwrenching, luminescent, utterly authentic performances.

Damadamm!

2012-01-11T09:41:00.000+13:00

Damadamm!(Swapna Waghmare Joshi, 2011)

Ihave to admit, I kind of went into Damadamm! expectinga guilty pleasure of a film – you know, something so bad it wasgood, a kitschy cracktastic mess, or at the very least, somethingridiculous I could blog about. I'm not entirely sure WHERE I got thatimpression from, but I have a couple of theories:

1.I reviewed the soundtrack when it was released and thus was familiarwith a couple of gems:

Mango,a love song that is, as the title suggests, entirely based around thefruit. First question: how the hell would they wedge a song about aMANGO into the film?

-and this AMAZINGLY CATCHY, AMAZINGLY IRRITATING earworm:

whichI think kind of speaks for itself. What it says about me that I stillkind of vaguely wanted to see the film after seeing this clip isprobably best left unpondered.

2.It stars Himesh Reshammiya in the lead role.

Fulldisclosure: I actually love Himesh – I have no problem with his“nasal” singing voice and so I figured I might like him in amovie too. If it was a mess, ehhh, I like bad movies sometimes.

I'dnever seen any of Himesh's other films but I am very much aware that– in terms of his music career at least – Himesh is a person youlove or hate. And I had a pretty good idea that in terms of hisacting career (Karzzz, Radio, I have noidea what else he's been in) he's not been...super successful infinding the...box office success/critical appreciation he perhapscraves?

Thestory centres on Sameer (Himesh Reshammiya) – a fairly successfulemployee in a film distribution company, who is in a long-termlive-in relationship with Shikha (Purbi Joshi). The problem is thatShikha is super possessive and...clingy (AND ANNOYING TO WATCH.Problem #1: why would you be with anyone like this longterm, ever?)When Shikha goes away for a fortnight to visit her family, Sameerexperiences freedom...and also befriends Sanjana (Sonal Sehgal) , hisboss's sister, who is like the polar opposite of Shikha. What followsis a bunch of complication in Sameer's lovelife: Shikha comes backand is instantly insanely jealous of Sanjana; Sameer has to decidewhere his relationship is going, and then his boss throws a spannerin the works: he wants Sameer to get married...to SANJANA.

Damadamm!won't be winning any awards for its screenplay any time soon. It's aflawed movie – sure – but it's one of those frothy, light,romantic comedies that are super easy to watch and enjoy in themoment, and the vast inconsistencies and gaping plotholes in thestory and the characters' motivations only really make themselvesapparent when you think about it later.

Theplus side: WHY WOULD YOU THINK ABOUT IT LATER? It's fluff. Backgroundnoise. If your background noise sounds like this:

I'mpretty familiar with the sensation of being the lone voice in favourof a film that has received overwhelming criticism from otherquarters – I think partly it's because I don't always go into afilm with the same expectations – you can't expect a DesiBoyz to deliver the same kind of entertainment as a Satyakam;the way you can't expect what is marketed as a frothy, romanticcomedy to deliver many surprises in the way of plot or substance,especially when the lead actor is...not really an actor.

Soit was something of a surprise that Damadamm! - thefilm that was pretty much universally mocked for DARING to releaseagainst Ra.One – is NOT a cracktastic “so bad it'sgood” mess, but is kind of a sweet, though flawed film about thetrials of adult relationships. Himesh especially was a nice surprise– as Sameer, he's a goofy dork of a hero, quite sweet and endearing.The movie DID start out a little cracktastic – I was curious to seehow Mango would be wedged in there and sure enough it'sawkward: Sameer is dragged to a party and: “I work for a filmdistribution company and our next film has a really cool song in it,want me to sing it for you?” REALLY DAMADAMM?!REALLY?! - but the basic story – all the relationship manouevringand Sameer having to figure out what he actually wanted and grow up alittle – actually became genuinely engaging. Purbi Joshi has thetough job of playing an extremely annoying character, the needy,shrewish girlfriend, and one thing I liked about Damadammis that it DOES eventually (sort of) answer the question of whySameer would ever want to be with her, giving her character a bitmore depth than just “nagging bitch”.

Allin all – it's a nice movie with a good soundtrack, the verydefinition, I would say, of the word timepass with a positive bias.

IKNOW, RIGHT?! It's NOT the impression you get from the cover. I guesswhat I'm saying is: if you like Himesh, watch it, because you'll beable to gloss over the film's flaws and enjoy the goofy sweetness. Ifyou know you don't like him, steer well clear, because it's notgreat; nor bad enough to be hilarious.

World famous! Well...I can dream, right?

2012-01-09T08:36:00.000+13:00

CHECK THIS OUT!

That's me looking sinister and Beth Loves Bollywood looking uber cool with Mini Khan in the TIMES OF INDIA. (Big huge thanks to the lovely peeps at Item Number who sent me an excited email with the scan of of the article attached, going "OMG you're in the paper in MUMBAI today!")

You can read the actual article about "Filmdom's Firangi Chroniclers" HERE.

Ra.One

2012-01-06T13:13:00.000+13:00

Ra.One(Anubhav Sinha, 2011)

Ihave so many minor problems with Ra.One, but ultimatelythey boil down to one major one: it's not a film, it's a three hourlong special effects reel. For a narrative (and believe me, I usethat word loosely here) that makes a big deal about heart – thewhole virtual reality computer game the thing is based aroundinvolves both hero and villain having to have a vital piece – their“H.A.R.T” before the game can be completed – plus, you know,stuff like this:

- heartis what Ra.One is crucially devoid of.

Thestory – what little exists – is basically a flimsy plotconstructed (seemingly as hastily as possible) of situations thatwill link together excuses for awesome special effects scenarios.Shah Rukh Khan plays Shekhar, a dorky, South Indian (for no apparentreason) video-game designer who struggles to connect with his son,Prateek, who thinks (quite correctly) that his dad is the ultimate inuncool. When Shekhar's design team get tasked with a new project, ina new attempt to bond, Shekhar asks Prateek for suggestions on whathe would like in a videogame, and designs one accordingly. This biteseveryone in the ass when the videogame's villain comes to life andtries to kill Prateek.

Hereare some of the aforementioned minor problems I had early on in thefilm – evidence perhaps of only vague attention being paid to toscript/story while money and time was being poured into the kickassspecial effects:

The first sighting of Shah Rukh in the film is weird and confusing and turns out to be a dream sequence – basically it's obviously a big excuse for some kickass special effects early on, plus a couple of cameos. 10 minutes into the film, woot, blockbuster, am I right? EXCEPT THAT THE DREAM SEQUENCE TURNS OUT TO BE PRATEEK (Shekar's SON who basically HATES HIS LAME DAD, remember) DREAMING IT. Did you get that? Prateek fantasises himself as a hot version of his lame dad he hates. Already this film MAKES NO SENSE.

OEDIPUS CALLING.
Prateek's advice to his videogame designer dad re: designing a kickass videogame is: heroes are lame, villains are totally awesome, so make a game with an UNBEATABLE VILLAIN.

Preferably one who assumes the form of Arjun Rampal.

...REALLY? Does that sound like a game you would pay good money for? A game you can NEVER WIN? Unless it's a game where you play AS the villain, in which case, AWESOME, but we all know that's not what Mr “Goodie two-shoes” Shekhar has in mind.
The awesome video game Shekhar designs a) is virtual reality and requires a special suit to play, which I'm guessing would make it prohibitively expensive and b) has only got 3 levels. WHAT KIND OF A VIDEO GAME DESIGNER WORTH HIS SALT DESIGNS A GAME WITH ONLY 3 LEVELS?
It gets more illogical (which is bad for a film which ends up with clinical, computer game characters as its main characters – not flesh and blood humans, but pixels and code). At the LAUNCH PARTY for the incredibly poorly conceived video game which the Mean Boss had threatened HAD TO BE A SUCCESS or they were ALL FIRED (guess they're all fired once sales plummet when gamers of the world realise what a shitty AND unbeatable game it is) it is revealed the game HASN'T EVEN BEEN TESTED PROPERLY: no-one's even made it to Level 3 yet. FACE. PALM. Obviously, this is to explain what happens next – the whole house of cards the rest of the film is built on. If the designers were remotely...competent and had ACTUALLY tested the game, they would have REALISED that the villain Ra.One was going to come to life and try to kill people. BECAUSE THAT'S TOTALLY A THING THAT HAPPENS, because ...
...“rays in the atmosphere”.
In any film, you are required to suspend your disbelief to some degree. If basic things that should make sense, DO make sense – like, the game that the whole thing is built upon isn't a bullshit excuse to just make a BIG SPECIAL EFFECTS MOVIE and actually showed some degree of thought and effort or even RESEARCH had gone on – FOR EXAMPLE, then the whole “the villain of a computer game can come to life because of rays in the atmosphere” is something I wouldn't even BLINK AT. But because most of Ra.One appears to be hastily scrambled together justifications for whatever stunt or special effect the filmmakers wanted to show off, DISBELIEF is basically how I stared at the screen the entire time, when I wasn't just incredibly bored and willing it to end.

Sometimes I made THIS face.

The same argument applies, actually, to some of the gimmicky, excessive promotional strategies employed to show that THIS FILM WAS GOING TO BE HUGE. Remember when Shah Rukh Khan announced that Akon was going to be part of the soundtrack for the film? Then Chammak Challo was leaked, and it was a hit, and it fed the hype for the film. I love Chammak Challo, and I love Criminal. I think the Ra.One soundtrack is legitimately awesome. But in the film, using Akon as playback for SRK doesn't work AT ALL.

WE KNOW IT'S AKON. We CANNOT SUSPEND OUR DISBELIEF SUFFICIENTLY IN THE MOMENT to immerse ourselves in the film and feel like the character is singing a song. It's SRK lip-syncing to Akon, and it's jarring and distancing and clinical, no matter how much you like the song.

In the past month or so, I'vemarathoned through a number of the Hindi films from 2011 that I felt Ineeded to see – the critically acclaimed, the underrated, the onesthat weren't necessarily blockbusters (I'll start writeups soon). Thething they all have in common is a clear focus - on a strong storythat needed to be told, on clear, well rounded characters andrelationships, on a defining message that could be taken away fromthe film, something that lingers after the credits have rolled. I got none of this from Ra.One.

Let me be clear: I don't have aproblem with the performers or the performances in Ra.One.ArjunRampal, Kareena Kapoor and Shah Rukh Khan each do a fine job withwhat they have to work with – the problem is what they have to workwith is below each of them. I have an issue with this film, this KIND of lazy haphazard film, and I amsad and worried that SRK has been so excited and focused on this andDon 2 (I'm yet to see it) and an idea of “Hollywoodstyle” filmmaking. What that means – what he THINKS that means,I'm not sure, except the impression I get from Ra.One,clinical, focused on the effects, is that “Indian film” isemotive sentiment and “Hollywood film” is flashy action. That'sa blanket statement that is very limiting, to BOTH industries, and adangerous belief to have going in to any filmmaking venture. Becauseyou end up with an unbalanced mess.

What I saw in Ra.Onewas SRK clearly searching for where he fits now, for relevance, andlooking to mask his confusion by creating a film that could be billed“the most expensive Indian film ever” or “a leap forward forspecial effects in Indian filmmaking”. Those are both achievements,sure. But they don't add up to a movie with heart.

Baby made a LIST!

2012-01-03T11:48:00.000+13:00

Heyinternet!

It'sthe time of year when everyone on the web is making Best of/Worstof/End of Year lists. I freaking LOVE reading lists of what peoplelove and hate, but in the couple of years that I've been blogging,I've never attempted a list of my own. A) it's incredibly hard for meto narrow down my favourites of ANYTHING, let alone when I find ithard to access many of the releases in any given year. B) The end ofthe year list-writing time not only coincides with the busiest timeof year at my paying day job (when, you'll notice, blog posting driesup to a trickle on here) but also then melts into GLORIOUS SUMMERHOLIDAYS, when I am more apt to be eating and lazing about in thesunshine and not watching or writing about movies in darkened rooms.

Butscrew the excuses, I LOVE LISTS. So, on Bollyspice.com where I alsowrite stuff from time to time, like THIS, there will be a couple ofcountdowns written by yours truly that I will link to/repost as soonas they're posted there:

The Top 10 Underrated Films of 2011; and

TheTop 10 Soundtrack Albums of 2011.

Meanwhile,I've been thinking about which films I really truly, loved in 2011,the kind of films I wouldn't hesitate to recommend to friends, theones I know I will watch and rewatch and rewatch and end up withmultiple copies of because I just LOVE them. So here they are (in noparticular order):

NESSA'SFAVOURITE FILMS OF 2011 (an extremely subjective list)

PatialaHouse (Nikhil Advani, 2011)

AkshayKumar and I didn't get off to a great start last year – the veryfirst film I saw in 2011, in the cinema on January 1^st,no less, was Tees Maar Khan...and I HATED nearly everysecond of it. Patiala House gave me everything I wantfor my beloved Akki – a serious leading role that carries someweight without it being overly melodramatic. Gone is the slapstick,over-the-top clowning Akki (he has his place, it's just not in EVERYSINGLE MOVIE) and in his place a guy who is almost subdued, dare Isay ordinary – perfect for the role of a downtrodden son who hassacrificed his own goals to please his domineering father. This filmshows Akki can act – please universe, give him more decentroles outside of tacky slapsticky comedies. PLUS! The supporting castis uniformly amazing – Dimple Kapadia and Rishi Kapoor, Hard Kaur,Anushka Sharma, Tinu Anand, the dozens of actors whose names Ishamefully don't know who play Akki's extended family...

IfI'm being entirely honest, this film would be on this list just forhaving Role pe Gaya in it anyway:

ShorIn The City (Raj Nidimoru andKrishna DK, 2011)

Here's my effusive (spoilery) write-up of Shor In The City,which is possibly #1 on my mental list of the Objective BEST FILMS OF2011. (Don't ask me for the rest of the list, I haven't made it,though Dhobi Ghat and Saheb Biwi Aur Gangsterare on there somewhere too). Don't read the review if you haven'tseen the film, just watch the film. Don't judge it on Tusshar Kapoor(unless of course, like me, you are already fond of Tusshar). LISTENTO ME: Tusshar Kapoor is deeply wonderful in this film. EVERYONE is.IF YOU DON'T WATCH THIS FILM AND APPRECIATE AT LEAST SOME FACET OFITS GLORY I CANNOT BE FRIENDS WITH YOU ANYMORE.

StanleyKa Dabba (Amole Gupte, 2011)

Here'swhat I wrote about Stanley Ka Dabba right after I firstsaw it – and honestly, I don't know what I can add to it. Aheartbreaking work of staggering near-genius, I am mainly astonishedthat the genre label on the back of my dvd copy reads “Family/Kids”because I feel like so many people might be missing out on this film,thinking it's not made for them. It's made for all of us.

MujhseFraaandship Karoge (Nupur Asthana, 2011)

Ithink I have addressed my problem with being unable to write adequatereviews for films I adore. Suffice to say I have attempted, severaltimes, to write up MFK and abandoned each attempt when it just turnedinto pages of SQUEEEEEEEEE I LOOOOOOOOOVE IT!

Which,you have to admit, isn't very scintillating reading, but does sum uppretty accurately how this cute, upbeat and thoroughly wholesomefeeling film leaves you feeling: filled with perky joy.

Thething I love so much about MFK is that it's a youth film that so veryaccurately captures today's youth without being lame, condescendingor cringeworthy. The film takes as its central premise the idea ofhooking up via social networking, AND IT GETS ALL THAT STUFF RIGHT.There are no cringey moments where it's obvious the film has beenwritten by some 49 year old exec who has never used Facebook and whois just looking up “internet slang” to toss into the script tomake it sound authentic. Instead, each scenario the characters findthemselves in – be it IMing each other via FB chat and agonisingover what to say or what NOT to say, or a Youtube video going viral,or even just the characters FB stalking each other (seriously, whohasn't been there?!) feels authentic and believable. It's a youthfilm (from YRF's “youth” offshoot Y-Films) made by young people,populated with new talent (actors, the director in her first filmdirecting job, I think after a bunch of TV stuff, Raghu Dixit doinghis first Bollywood soundtrack).

Plus,how can you not feel good hearing this:

YamlaPagla Deewana (Samir Karnik, 2011)

Ithink this was maybe the second film I saw on the bigscreen in 2011,and the film that undeniably made me a Deol fan for life, because,well, you all know how I already had a not so secret crush on Bobby.

Here's my original review.

It'snot just one of my favourites of 2011, this one is one of myfavourites of all time – if for nothing else, because this is afilm that clearly wears its dil very much on its sleeve. There isabsolutely no cynicism, no eye to what will bring in the big bucks orwhat is fashionable in YPD, just pure unadulterated palpable joy infamily and filmmaking. Plus Charha De Ranga is still the mostpersistent and gorgeously beautiful earworm I will never complainabout:

MereBrother Ki Dulhan (Ali Abbas Zafar, 2011)

Here's my original review.

I'mtempted to say that it was because I had basically zero expectationsof MBKD that I loved it so much, but that would be incredibly unfairto everyone involved in the film, because expectations aside, it is acharming, funny, original take on a done-to-death genre doneremarkably well. Full credit to the entire team, but especially ImranKhan, Ali Zafar and Katrina Kaif, who between them carry the filmwith oodles of comedy, chemistry and charisma. There's no need toreinvent the wheel – sometimes just delivering a good qualityproduct is enough, and MBKD is exactly that: good quality andsatisfying. I LOVED IT.

D se hota hai DISCO

2011-12-16T21:21:00.000+13:00

DiscoDancer (B. Subhash, 1982)

Ihave to say, I approached Disco Dancer with a littlebit of trepidation, not wanting to sour my experience of the popularclassic by having crazily inflated expectations. I was kind offortunate actually – I've obviously been aware of DiscoDancer for almost as long as I've been aware of Bollywoodfilms but largely, my awareness of the film has been limited to theextremely vague concept of Disco Dancer as one of thebiggest cult films to come out of India.

Sohere's what I knew:

Disco Dancer was hugely popular in the Soviet Union – like, mega-mega-mega popular, attaining cult, iconic status, and I'm pretty sure I read somewhere else it was big in Japan or China. And it remains this huge cult, kitschy classic with audiences both in and outside of India, even recently inspiring a book exploring its enduring allure.
It stars Mithun Chakraborty in the role he's pretty much famous for.
It has at least two famous songs in it, one that goes Aaja Jimmy Aaja and one that spells out DISCO
It's all about a guy called Jimmy who is a disco dancer. Who dances his way through the film.

Specialbonus quasi-fact:

I'mpretty sure THIS AMAZING FILM borrows from/is inspired by DiscoDancer.(Having actually seen DD now – yep. Pretty damn sure).

Ifyou gave me that information, I could not write a cult hit basedaround disco dancing, because...yeah – where do you go plot-wise?SO OBVIOUSLY I WAS CURIOUS as to how and why this film has inspiredsuch a following.

DiscoDancer is the story of Anil, a talented street kid who isaccused of stealing by a prominent businessman. Anil's mother takesthe blame for the non-existent crime and ends up in jail. On herrelease, she and Anil flee from the public humiliation – peoplefollow them through the streets every day chanting “Mother's athief, son's a thief!”, which would get tiresome prettyquick - and leave their home in Mumbai for Goa, with Anil vowing toreturn one day to take revenge on the man who put his mother inprison.

This guy.

18years later, Anil gets his wish in... slightly unorthodox fashion.Unless of course, you are the star of a highly melodramatic Bollywoodfilm, in which case, his path to revenge is totally on course.

Insteadof returning to Mumbai as a gangster or a vigilante cop, heart set onhunting down the businessman who got his maa locked up, Anil (MithunChakraborty) returns benignly as an aspiring street performer. Hislifelong talent for singing and dancing soon gets him noticed bytalent agent David Brown (Om Puri) who cuts difficult star discodancer Sam loose in favour of signing a fresh, talented face.

Anil,with a new stage name “Jimmy” and the benefit of David Brown'sexpert management rapidly rockets to disco stardom.

Poor,former megastar Sam naturally seethes with bitter jealousy. Turnsout, in a shocking twist: he's the evil businessman's son. Othertwist: SAM'S SISTER IS JIMMY'S LOVE INTEREST. DUN DUN DUUUUUN.

Together,Sam and his dad plot Jimmy's downfall because there is no way theywill let him get away with being a better disco dancer than Sam.

Dad has a lot riding on Jimmy's failure.

Sam talks about himself in 3rd person WAY TOO MUCH.

(CanI just say right now, if you've seen the film, you will know thanyour grandma is a better disco dancer than Sam. Sam is basically THEWORST DANCER I HAVE EVER SEEN EVER IN MY LIFE).

Iloved every second of Disco Dancer, and can totally seewhy it has inspired such a following.

Amongthe tiny details I just adored:

Theincredibly florid, melodramatic dialogues:

Someof the (admittedly unsubtle, but still quite lovely) editing andeffects – like when David Brown is talking about how he will makeJimmy into a star and it cuts from him to star shaped lights.

Orthis when Jimmy's world falls apart:

Ican't help but think that its reputation as a kitschy classic (read:hot mess or ridiculous awesome cracktastic masterpiece) is slightlyunjustified though. On the whole, it's not a lot more crazy oroutrageous than any other Bollywood masala melodrama...it's just thatthe story and the songs are centred around a very specific,distinctive trend that was popular for a really short, specifictime.

Fact:disco came a little late to India. Saturday Night Fever, the(Hollywood) movie that brought disco from underground clubs intomainstream culture, was released in 1977, and was a mega, super hit,and though it is a much darker, different kind of film to DiscoDancer, you can see lovely little echoes and tributes all throughDisco Dancer.

Thedisco in Disco Dancer – in 1982 - is not the disco ofthe West in 1977.

This song, for example, is all about Lord Krishna.

This is a different beast entirely. The precise,intricate dance moves of Travolta are replaced by...well, kind ofaerobic shimmying and a LOT of pelvic thrusting. It's more about theenergy, seemingly, than the steps. And of course, this song, which weare all familiar with:

Thefilm plot does take a turn into slightly...deranged territory,briefly, when Sam and Pop Oberoi's scheme to bring down Jimmyinvolves SPOILER ALERT...MAKING JIMMY AFRAID OF HIS OWN GUITAR. Byrigging up an electrified electric guitar with tragic consequences,Sam and Oberoi succeed in triggering a “guitar phobia” in Jimmy,sabotaging his act just in time for the International DiscoCompetition at the climax of the film.

Butcome on – THAT'S HOW YOU MAKE A FILM ABOUT DISCO DANCING SUPERAWESOME!

Well,that, and this:

Seriously. Worth it for THIS SHOT ALONE.

Mere Brother Ki Dulhan

2011-12-03T14:04:00.001+13:00

MereBrother Ki Dulhan (Ali Abbas Zafar, 2011)

MereBrother Ki Dulhan tellsthe story of Indian-based Kush (Imran Khan), who is tasked withfinding a bride for his London-based brother Luv (Ali Zafar). Thegirl he chooses – Dimple (Katrina Kaif) is perfect because she is alittle unconventional – wilder than most Indian girls, she'll fit into life in London perfectly. The problem? Before Luv arrives forthe wedding, Kush and Dimple fall in love. Now they have to figureout a way to halt the impending nuptials and end up together, withoutresorting to the filmi standby of running away together.

Basicallythe first thing you learn about genre in film studies is thatwatching a genre film is essentially like an exercise in ticking offa list of the elements that comprise that particular genre. Actionfilms have car chases and explosions, corruption and redemption;romantic films have boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy wins girlback; obviously I'm waaaay simplifying things but you get my drift.

There'sa formula and certain things that are always included – so thepleasure in a genre flick is partly in the recognition of thosefamiliar elements, but also in recognising how the same elements areput together in a new way, or enhanced so that the familiar feelsfresh and exciting and new.

Istarted thinking about the pleasures of genre as soon as the titlesong in Mere Brother Ki Dulhan kicked in: a song thatsees Imran Khan pay tribute to the three key Khans in Bollywood:Shahrukh, Salman and uncle Aamir;

as well as shouting out to a coupleof the big Bollywood romantic film tropes like running to reunitewith a love on a train

andemoting arms outstretched to the sky.

These elements are all familiar from having seen them before: yetseeing these moments recreated in the opening song I was PSYCHED forthe rest of the film – because I simultaneously felt the thrill ofrecognition: “yes! I know that reference!” and as if I was seeingthese moments for the first time – Imran Khan bringing his owngoofy, likeable charm to the hero role. Later on in the film another filmi icon will play its part: the Taj Mahal, along with several other checkboxes for a Bollywood romance being ticked: lovers attempting to run away, clashes between cultural and generational traditions causing problems, preparations for a big glitzy wedding going ahead because of fears for "reputations" involved...

WhatI'm leading up to saying is this: on paper, Mere Brother KiDulhan reads like nothing especially original – which is why, I think, inthe lead-up to its release, I was less than excited for it – it washardly even on my radar. On the surface, MBKD seemslike just another Hindi romantic comedy with the same elements aspretty much every Hindi romantic comedy that has preceded it: boymeets girl, falls in love, there's a hurdle they have to conquer tobe together (tradition/parents/society). We already know the journeyfrom A to B (and if you don't know that romantic comedies arecharacterised by their happy endings, then you must never have seenone) – but it's in the fine details and embellishments on thejourney along the way that the film lies.

I'vementioned it plenty of times before, but I'll say it again – one ofthe things I love the most in Bollywood films is when they areabundant with filmi references and commentary. It can be overtsometimes, hyper-aware and over the top, taken to the point thatcharacters break the fourth wall and address the audience; or it canbe more naturally incorporated in the filmi universe created onscreen– which is the case with Mere Brother Ki Dulhan. Thecharacters in this film either work in Bollywood (Imran Khan'scharacter, Kush, is an Assistant Film Director), or, like the rest ofus, are fully pop-culture aware and saturated, speaking to each otherin famous film-quotes as shorthand, referencing films and filmstarsin their everyday conversations...and fantasies: Ali Zafar'scharacter, Luv, drunkenly sees a resemblance between his fianceeDimple (Katrina Kaif) and a film hoarding for Mughal-E-Azamfeaturing the beautiful Madhubala:

Whichbrings me to the elephant in the room: Katrina Kaif. I've neverwritten much about her on the blog before because, to be honest, I'venever been greatly enamoured of her. As in: previously, I mostlycouldn't stand her. This is the second film this year that I haveLOVED her. (Believe me, I never EVER thought I would write that).MBKD really is Katrina's film (after all, it is namedfor her character) and reveals her, after her natural wildchild hippy turn inZNMD, to be a talented comic actress.

Ithink the thing is that I've never really bought Katrina Kaif whenshe's in a role that requires her to be a sultry siren or sell her“sexiness” too hard; in MBKD (and in ZindagiNa Milegi Dobara, also this year) she comes across for muchof the time as far more natural and relaxed, and far more likeablefor it. I would much rather see Katrina channel her goofy side –which she apparently does pretty well – and see her like this:

becausethat is far more sexy than any gyrating scantily clad choreographyshe can learn.

Thewhole reason I even watched this film in the first place, given Iwasn't initially psyched for it, was for Imran Khan. I can't help it,I am a super fan of the guy. I HATED him in Delhi Bellythough, and MBKD helped me figure out why: what I likemost about Imran is his sincerity. He can't really dance that well(and he has admitted as much in interviews) but damn if he doesn'tthrow himself into every sequence. I love it when he's playing agoofy, lovestruck guy who actually emotes (so, the opposite of hischaracter in Delhi Belly) – Kush waggles his eyebrowssardonically in song; reveals to his friends inadvertently how muchhe loves Dimple because his face is like an open book, will dress upin silly outfits and do Dimple's bidding because he loves her.

I likeHindi movies because nobody is scared to show their emotions and MereBrother Ki Dulhan ticks this box (not just with Imran buthe's my favourite); I realise now that the complete lack of emotionin Delhi Belly was part of why I hated it so much.

To dismiss MBKD as an ordinary romantic comedy would be to do it agreat disservice. MBKD is a great pleasure to watch - greater than the sum of its parts: a likeable, talented set of leads; fantastic, well-picturised songs; a satisfying ending that ticks the elemental boxes in slightly unexpected fashion. It is a mass entertainer with pure heart and plenty, PLENTY of filmi soul.

Sita Sings The Blues

2011-11-20T11:12:00.001+13:00

Sita Sings The Blues(Nina Paley, 2008)

Sita Sings TheBlues is an 82 minute animated film by Nina Paley, whose animation experience prior to this was apparently a 4 minuteshort film. Paley is an American woman who became aware of theRamayana story when she was visiting her husband who was posted on awork assignment in India.

As a white girl, raisedin a Western country, my own familiarity with the Ramayana – one ofIndia's great epic tales – is pretty limited. Coming to the storylate, and having to rely on mainstream Hindi films and occasionalbooks that make passing reference to the story – I only really knowthe basics: Ravana, the bad guy with ten heads, kidnapped Sita, thevirtuous wife of Rama, the hero of the tale.Rama, with the help ofHanuman, rescued Sita, but doubted her purity having been in Ravana'scustody for so long, and he asked her to undergo a trial by fire toprove her innocence. And that's not the end of the story, but that'sall I really know. (Obviously it's time for me to read the book).

One of the things thatstands out in the story is that Sita seems to get a pretty unfairdeal – which is what ultimately prompted Paley to make a film aboutSita's plight. Whether or not Sita is a victim actually forms aninteresting argument within the film itself – the film's shadowpuppet narrators taking sides to argue that she was eitherinstrumental in exacerbating her own problems and did not need toaccept ill treatment from Ram; or that “What could she do butexactly what she did? She loved him unconditionally and wasfulfilling her duty as his wife.”

With my limitedknowledge I obviously can't deconstruct the Ramayana, but it's anissue that comes up in Bollywood viewing frequently too. If you havewatched films from any culture outside of your own, there will betimes when you notice that the depictions of gender roles aredifferent, cultural and social roles are defined and representeddifferently, and that isn't always easy to accept if it isn't in linewith our own values.

I guess what I amsaying is ultimately this: for Paley to decide to make an animatedversion of the Ramayana, combining varying animation styles:shadow-puppet narrators, a cartoony, Betty Boop-alike Sita, toclassical Indian paintings come to life,

all told from Sita's pointof view with Sita singing 1920s jazz songs (in place of the Bollywoodnumbers you might expect), – when you write that down and thinkabout it, it seems pretty gutsy.

It's also awesome. Thisfilm is worth watching and talking about and thinking about for SOMANY reasons – there are so many various issues to deconstruct, ifthat's your thing: the feminist issue, the cultural politics,copyright, history/myth.

Sita Sings TheBlues has three distinct narratives running through it.Firstly, there is the present day story of Nina and her husband Dave– based, I can only assume, on the real-life Nina's story. Davegets placed on a short contract in India while Nina stays in SanFrancisco. When she finally goes to visit him, it is apparent thatsomething is wrong, and soon after Dave dumps Nina.

Juxtaposed with thestory of Dave and Nina is the story of the Ramayana: Ram and Sita.The epic tale is narrated to us by three unconventional shadow-puppetnarrators. I say unconventional because of their narration style –they argue points of the story and disagree all the time on aspectsof the narrative, are a little unclear on names and dates, stumblewith pronunciation, and frequently talk over the top of each other.It's like having the Ramayana told to you by a group of friends whohaven't thought about it for a while and might need to go and looksome things up. I LOVE this approach and think it's absolutelyperfect for a story that has no one authoritative version. Thesenarrators don't claim to be experts but tell the story informally andwith good humour, and with enough information to pique the interest ofpeople like me who only know a fraction of the story.

The approach alsoallows for various points of view to be presented – as in the “IsSita a victim or not?” debate. One of the narrators actuallycompares the situation to when you have a friend who is hung up on aguy who is just not that into her, wouldn't you tell her to move on?While another makes the case for it being unconditional love drivingSita's actions (or inactions) through the epic.

Ahh love. That bringsme to the third ''storyline” which is actually cartoony siren Sita,mirroring the storylines of Dave and Nina and Ram and Sita, singingher heart out expressing her emotions – from woman deeply in love“Here We Are”, to heartbroken “Am I Blue”.

Themusical numbers, sung by Annette Hanshaw, are largely more OldHollywood Busby Berkley in their animated execution – unsurprisinggiven the soundtrack is jazz. Even so, given the story, and the format, their execution is often amusingly original!

I've been thinkingabout the choice of music – how it marries the two stories together– and how to interpret the film as a whole. I think what I tookfrom Sita, singing her blues in a language I can understand –coupled with the juxtaposition of Nina's modern day story and Sita'sancient one - is that love and heartbreak are timeless and borderless. That apresent day American woman identified with a woman in a centuries oldIndian epic so much she was compelled to tell their stories together:isn't that something?

Sita Sings TheBlues is available for free download at sitasingstheblues.comunder a Creative Commons Attribution Share Alike License.

When Good Mooches Go Bad

2011-11-13T18:23:00.001+13:00

Naseeb (Kirti Kumar,1998)

Things you need toknow:

I decided to watch Naseeb because it's “Movember” and a few of us in the Bolly-blogosphere are celebrating this, the GREATEST of months, by watching and writing about films featuring mustaches. GOVINDA SPORTS A MUSTACHE IN NASEEB – and Govinda very RARELY has facial hair in any films.

You can see why. THIS IS AN OUTRAGE.
I actually was going to kickstart my Movember posts with a completely different film, an epic featuring no less than 5 mustachioed actors in lead roles (and it's not even a Southie film!) until I had a dream about Govinda. Naseeb it is – a film that SIGNIFICANTLY is DEVOID of subtitles.

Here's the thing. Whena film has no subs, sometimes it's really easy to tell what is goingon. Sometimes, it's as simple as “That's the bad guy, that's thegood guy, they're fighting it out in an action sequence, oooh yayuplifting ending” and everyone is happy.

But when the film isnot a simple good versus evil action film (why can't all unsubbedmovies be that simple?) things get muddy. You need to rely on everylittle clue you can glean from the onscreen happenings in order tomake sense of the narrative when you can only understand every fifthword.

So what we have withNaseeb is twofold: an example of a mustache changingsomeone's face INEXPLICABLY and UNINTENTIONALLY (I think) towards thesinister and creepy end of the spectrum, and a case where the lack ofsubtitles meant I really had NO CLUE what was going on.

My impressions ofNaseeb (guaranteed to be an incredibly inaccurate and subjectiverepresentation of the film) – a real-time-ish blog:

Kader Khan stops areally drunk but obviously rich Govinda from hanging himself –maybe by first trying to reason with him and use logic, and when thatfails, calling him “Dost”. This appeals to drunk, moochy facedChichi, and he drags his new friend back to his opulent mansion,where things get rapidly creepy.

Drunk Moochy Faced ChiChi insists on feeding Kader Khan – like, force feeding him, inbetween a lot of touching and kissing. Like, okay, I KNOW that inHindi films men are more affectionate with each other. But seriously,he was like – feed him a bite of chicken, kiss his face. Feed himsome noodles, kiss his face. Feed him some roti, hold him close andkiss him again.

You can see there's something...predatory going on.

DRUNK MOOCHY FACED CHI CHI STOP MOLESTING KADER KHANALREADY IT'S REALLY CREEPING ME OUT.

So then, creepy awkwarddinner finished, Drunk Moochy Faced Chichi is all like “Meri KareebDost (My CLOSE FRIEND) (belated edit way after the fact: this is NOT in fact what he says - see the comments! Yay for helpful commenters!) YOU CAN STAY IN MY ROOM TONIGHT!!” Andliterally drags (LITERALLY DRAGS) Kader Khan to his bedroom to puthim to bed. At this point, I begin to seriously wonder about what TheMoustache is supposed to imply. It turns out that Drunk Mooch FacedChichi is really just an overly affectionate alcoholic and Kader Khanis some kind of...homeless person? Who in preventing DMFCC's suicideearned his eternal love and gratitude and friendship? It's just thatthe moustache and the lack of subtitles makes it seem...a littleseedier than it perhaps is.

Of course – THE NEXTMORNING, sober Chichi has forgotten the night before (wow, he reallywas drunk) and has the poor homeless Kader Khan, who he had lauded ashis close friend the night before, booted out of the mansion by hisservants.

The next night though,there's Drunk Mooch Faced Chichi, in his Mercedes, pulling up besideHomeless Kader Khan proclaiming “Meri Kareeb Dost! Meri Bhai!” asif the brutal “get out of my house, tramp” had never happened.

So, Kader Khan being aclever tramp, realises pretty quickly which side his bread isbuttered on. There's clearly only one solution: MAKE SURE THAT CHICHIIS DRUNK ALL THE TIME.

So...with Chichi drunk24/7, it seems that Kader Khan gets to move in permanently, borrow abunch of flashy suits and be employed in the mysterious companyChichi manages to continue to run DESPITE BEING DRUNK ALL THE TIMEAND HAVING A HOMELESS GUY AS HIS SECOND IN COMMAND. An example ofDrunk Moochy Face Chichi's questionable business values: interviewinga new recruit for the company (Rahul Roy) pretty much his first, mostpressing question is “Do you drink?”

He hires New Guy,promising him some extravagant salary Not Homeless Anymore Kader Khanpromptly contradicts, before sealing the deal with a handshake adrunken embrace. That's how Drunk Moochy Face Chichi rolls, at home,in the office, and YOU WILL LISTEN TO HIS RAMBLING, INCOHERENT BOOZESOAKED STORIES IF YOU WANT TO GET PAID YOUNG FELLOW.

OH CHICHI. I can seenow why you forsake facial hair. IT MAKES YOU GO ALL WRONG.

Sign of theChichi-pocalypse #2: cut to another office in Drunk Guy and HomelessDude Inc. and we meet a junior partner, Greasy SleazeBucket. Alsoknown as SHAKTI KAPOOR. Mercifully, sans mooch, because if he wassporting face fuzz I would switch off this film RIGHT NOW in favourof washing my eyes with bleach (though really, I could have done thatearlier, when I was treated to the Kader Khan shower scene).

Someone out there finds this titillating. You're welcome. *shudder*

He seemsconcerned with women and large quantities of money. I also do notknow why he is in the film at all given he will not appear again forAGES.

CUT TO: Somewhere in abasement, where DMFCC has a long slurry, impassioned monologue,delivered crouched on a chair while waving a glass around while hisemployees (?) watch and occasionally exclaim “Oh baap re baap!” IHAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT IS ABOUT but I just imagined every drunkconversation I have EVER had but with more melodrama. So like: “Youknow....you guuuuuuys...YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME DON'T TELL ME NOT TOSTAND ON THE CHAIR MY DAD IS....(dramatic drunken whisper) GABBARSINGH andhe'llcutyourarmsoff IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME MORE TEQUILA”.

Note the crazy eyes. And the confused expressions.

You know. Nonsense.

IT GOES ON FOR AGES andyet not once do I get the feeling I am missing a shred of vital plotinformation, possibly because for some reason, weird jaunty swingmusic starts playing as DMFCC starts speaking.

So ANYWAY. After abouthalf an hour of all this drunken nonsense and incoherent shenanigansthe film finally gets going, when Drunk Mooch Faced Chi Chi, in arare burst of sobriety, offers a lift home to his new hire New GuyRahul Roy. New Guy invites him in for a cup of tea but unless it'sJohnny Walker, it won't pass that pencil mooch, so DMFCC declines.But as New Guy walks up to his door, DMFCC witnesses a beautifulwoman come out to greet him.

A WOMAN THAT SENDS ALOOK OF RECOGNITION AND PAIN RIPPLING ACROSS DMFCC'S MUSTACHIOEDFACE. Could she be the reason he is now a functioning alcoholic (whomiraculously hasn't YET managed to piss away all his riches or breakany of his beautiful teeth falling down in the street)?

FLASHBACK SONG WITHMOOCHLESS CHICHI SAYS YES!

He's happy, because his face is SMOOTH. As it SHOULD BE. I do realise this is the exact opposite of the ideology that we should be embracing during #MouchoPrema but SOME PEOPLE SHOULD JUST NOT CARRY THE MOOCH.

Such a relief! HIS FACE IS RIGHT AGAIN.

Can I just say: havingcontext for the mooch is AWESOME. A) It reinforces that Govindareally never should have facial hair because OH THE RELIEF to see himmoochless; but B) seing him mooch-faced when the song is overhighlights the TRAGEDY that has befallen his character now. He's lesscreepy and weird and more heartbreaking and sad.

I was right: DrunkMooch faced Chi Chi is drunk and mooch faced because of the MysteryGirl (Mamta Kulkarni) who is married to(?) his New Guy employee. Hesays all this stuff to his Kareeb Dost Kader Khan about not beingable to forget her and getting rid of all her pictures and I guessthe drinking was to ease the pain. Not sure how the mooch fits in butYOU KNOW WHAT CHICHI? GET RID OF IT AND SHE'LL PROBS LOVE YOU AGAIN.

Next ten minutes isabout how Drunk Mooch Faced Chichi used to be Sober Hot MechanicChichi and how he loved and lost this girl.

Chesty Chichi = sex symbol. Don't argue, I'm right.

FLASHBACK: he wasn'trich enough or educated enough to impress her father when he went todiscuss marriage. Her father who has a mustache eerily reminiscent ofthe one Drunk Mooch Faced Chi Chi will soon sport. I think SoberChichi actually pissed off the dad somehow by refusing his money?,instead deciding to go away and make something of himself so hecould return and be a man worthy to marry the woman he loves.

Anyway, Mystery Girl (Ithink her name is Pooja)'s dad is EVIL (you can tell from his skinnymooch)

and when Sober Chi Chi leaves to make his fortune or whatever,Evil Dad burns all ChiChi's letters to Pooja and does the whole2-faced concerned parent that is actually the root cause of the painthing.

END FLASHBACK: NowDMFCC wants to win Pooja back...only she is with someone else. Hisnew employee, New Guy Rahul Roy. DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN. End of VCD 1!

ADVENTURES AFTERINTERVAL:

So I took a break of acouple of days and it turns out that was a pretty bad ideabecause...I HAVE NO IDEA what is going on.

Either this film is oncrack (possible), or the story is truly light years ahead of its timein terms of experimental film narrative...or maybe my comprehensionproblems have caught up with me. Whatever the case IT APPEARS THAT:

Govinda's character – who I have finally cottoned on is named Krishna – is so drunk he is hallucinating the ghost of his former love seemingly berating him about something in his opulent mansion. Probably for abandoning her (from her perspective) because Evil Daddy drove a wedge between them by burning all Chichi/Krishna's letters.
Whatever the hallucination says to Krishna pisses him right off because then he slaps her in the face really hard. I hate that slapping happens anyway, I hate when it's Govinda doing the slapping especially much. Another indication that MUSTACHE + GOVINDA = PURE WRONGNESS SANDWICH
The ghost/hallucination is crying though, so maybe she's real. OH THIS FILM IS SO CONFUSING. Anyway. Krishna is all like THIS IS MY FATE and he's miserable and starts yelling and I'm guessing he's talking about not being able to be with the woman he loves, the one he just smacked in the face. THIS MOVIE SUCKS.
Then Chichi goes to his bedroom and takes down the 400 pictures of Pooja that he had wallpapered his walls with, because I guess he's finally gonna let it go now she's married to someone else. Maybe he'll go for a full beard and step up the drinking (not actually possible). He doesn't take down the GIANT picture of Pooja he has in his lounge which causes problems when Shakti Kapoor pops up again, seemingly with the sole purpose to tell Rahul Roy that “Hey did you know Chichi has a giant picture of your wife in his lounge?” Obviously then Rahul Roy has to break in to verify this intel.
Then Rahul Roy (Deepak! Finally figured out his character name!) KICKS POOJA OUT OF THE HOUSE because he thinks she has sullied his honour or been dallying with Krishna or whatever. He won't listen to her side of the story and is a dick about it. Dude, I have a picture of Govinda in my lounge, DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING.
Pooja in her distress nearly gets hit by a truck – Homeless Kader Khan saves her. They have a big heart to heart and HKK must find out some vital info because then he goes to confront Evil Daddy...and Evil Daddy cries, so it's an effective meeting.

And then I got reallybored. There are so many CONVERSATIONS that are so boring when theyare largely incomprehensible, but basically, it seems like....it'sall set up for Krishna and Pooja to get married despite her marriageto Deepak (there's so many conversations between Pooja's dad andsomeone's grandad and Chichi and Kader Khan but that was theimpression I got, that the Krishna/Pooja rishta was all go) butthen....

SHOCKING TWIST. ALSOSPOILER ALERT but omg this film is so boring so seriously this is thebest part:

Krishna and Poojaarrive at the temple and I think you're supposed to think it's fortheir wedding, but OH NO there's Deepak sitting on the steps, and heis understandably pissed off when he sees them. But then: Krishna(who I think quit the drink as soon as he got Pooja back) is all like“Calm DOWN bro, I want you two to be together!”

At least, that's what Ithought was happening. UNTIL CHICHI PULLED OUT A GUN and startedranting and raving, seriously, FOR AGES, all sweaty faced like a lunatic, and thenSHOT HIMSELF IN THE HEART AND DIED.

And that's the end ofthe movie.

Are you freaking kidding me?!

I KNOW – WHAT THE EFFRIGHT? It's almost worth it just for the wtf awesomeness of theending except:

IT'S NOT WORTH IT ATALL YOU GUYS, THIS IS A TERRIBLE FILM.

I need to watch a moviewith a good mooch to balance out all the weird bad mooch energy inthis one, which will forever be known to me as “The OTHER Naseeb,or When Good Mooches Go Bad”.

Mooch LOVE

2011-11-10T12:26:00.000+13:00

It's November already! The greatest month of the year - the month in which I was born, so how could it not be awesome - just got WAY MORE AWESOME with the invention of a new blogosphere theme, the brainchild of the divine Dolce And Namak.

This month is MOuchoPrema!

You guys: the month known around the world as MOvember, a month in which normally baby-faced guys actively try and rock the facial fuzz (usually for a good cause), has been adopted by us Bolly-bloggers as a celebration of ALL THINGS MOOCH in a filmi industry that tends to view facial adornment as a symbol of the ULTIMATE IN VIRILITY and MASCULINITY. (Isn't there in fact a saying about how if you don't have a mustache, you're not really a man, or something? Someone must know this?)

So - just to get this mooch party started right, I present to you my own list of my TOP TEN HOTTEST MOOCHES (in no particular order). (Obviously I am not picky about pesky stubble. OBVIOUSLY. My list, my flagrant disregard for "rules").

1. Abhishek Bachchan as Rikki Thukral in Jhoom Barabar Jhoom. I know I said no particular order but this is undoubtedly Mooch #1. In fact, I never really saw the appeal of Abhi until I saw him with a mo as skeezy Taj seller Bunty in Bunty aur Babli. I would have bought anything off that man.

2. Emraan can rock The Walrus, which in my head, I have renamed "The Hashmi".

3. I couldn't find a pic of it but pair this mooch with the white suit Tusshar wears in The Dirty Picture and OOH LA LA. Here, LOOK at his hotness! The mooch is such an improvement:

4. SHATRUUUUUUU! The man, as they say, was BORN to have a mustache. THE ORIGINAL MOOCH FACE! Don't believe me? Look at him without one.

5. HOTNESS. Jnr NTR can bring his mooch to any of my lists.

6. Sallu just looked good full-stop in Dabangg, but the pencil mooch (Shatru-inspired?) certainly didn't hurt.

7. To completely second Dolce and Namak's sentiments: I DO NOT KNOW WHY AJAY DEVGN WOULD EVER BOTHER TO SHAVE.

8. Confession time: I THINK AKKI IS SUPER HOT WITH THIS MO. Shut up haters, I love CC2C too. I crack up EVERY TIME I SEE HIM SLIP ON THE BANANA PEEL.

9. No comment necessary, except to say Hot Papa Khanna is known as HOT Papa Khanna for a reason. MOOCH ADDS POWER.

10. Is it too weird that I just think Ram Charan Teja's mustache is really nicely manicured? Have I spent too much time thinking about mustaches today? Possibly.

And one that breaks all the rules because it's really part of a full beard BUT HE CAN BREAK ALL THE RULES HE WANTS:

AMJAD KHAN I LOVE YOU AND YOUR FACIAL HAIR FOREVER.

Not all mooch power is positive though. Next post: the movie that made me see my favourite star in the creepiest of lights, thanks to his...horrific facial hair.

Normal service will resume....shortly

2011-10-30T10:11:00.000+13:00

So astute observers of this blog (or anyone who checks in even semi regularly) will have noticed a distinct lack of activity recently (I even missed celebrating my second blog anniversary, which I will DEFINITELY belatedly be making up for as soon as I figure out HOW).

If you don't follow my frequent, often semi-coherent rambling on Twitter, here's the deal:

Unforeseen events meant that near the beginning of the month, I had to move house, and find somewhere new to live, with zero notice. There's been virtually zero blogging because I haven't had time in between packing and househunting and moving, but also because I haven't had any reliable, speedy internet except for my cellphone!

Anyway, all that drama-rama is nearly over now, so the good news is that normal service will resume, hopefully, very soon. As soon as I have unpacked all my dvds.

I CANNOT WAIT TO SIT DOWN IN MY NEW HOUSE AND WATCH MOVIES!

Also -

Someone asked why I haven't reviewed RaOne yet. Which is a good question given the title of my blog. I touch on why I rarely get to see new releases in my FAQ and obviously, all of the above applies as well - I've been a little bit busy finding somewhere to live! I DO want to see it one day, but sadly, that day won't be any time soon.

A bitter fruit

2011-10-18T08:55:00.000+13:00

Orange(Bhaskar, 2010)

RewatchingMagadheera recently reminded me of a couple of relativelyimportant facts:

1. Magadheera is still freaking AMAZING and Ireally, really do need to get around to reviewing it someday

2. Amongthe stacks of unwatched dvds that characterise my immediate surroundings, Ihave Ram Charan Teja's other 2 films: Chirutha and Orange.

Sohere's another insight into my decision-making process: despite being aware ofa somewhat...negative buzz surrounding the film, I chose to watch Orange...becauseorange is my favourite colour.

It turnsout this is a really stupid reason to decide to watch a film. I suspect this isa lesson you can also apply to Blue.

Apparently,the idea behind Orange was to give “Mega Star” Ram Charan Teja abreak from his massy image following Magadheera, slotting himinstead into a Bomarillu-type relationship focused film, thistime: boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy wins girl back. HAD I KNOWN THAT IWOULD HAVE SKIPPED IT – not because I have anything against romantic films, butbecause I HATED Bomarillu. Orange is from the same director AND hasGenelia trying to reprise her perky Bomarillu character type.Only with more shrieking mania. I swear to god, the moment Genelia opened hermouth in this film, I wanted to stab myself in the face. (Cherry is fine withwhat he has to work with, by the way – he emotes, he dances, he kicks butt andeven has moments of self-referential glory: “Do I know how to fight?” WINK WINKNUDGE NUDGE and he looks every bit the stylish urban Mega Star … it's just thathe's SO much more fun to watch in a better film).

CRAZY EYES

The filmopens with graffiti artist Ram (Ram Charan Teja) having an emo meltdown anddestroying a huge graffiti portrait of his ex-girlfriend Janu (Genelia). Apoliceman (Prakash Raj) arrives and tries to discover what the problem is – whythis kid has gone batshit crazy. Ram proclaims himself “the greatest lover inthe world” and starts telling the long story of how he met Janu, and how it allwent wrong. It went wrong, long story short, because Ram's policy from thebeginning was to be completely honest with Janu, including his firmly heldbelief that he could not love one person for his whole life, and Janu couldn'tdeal with that. SHE WOULD RATHER HAVE A BOYFRIEND WHO TOLD HER PRETTY LITTLELIES.

Myextremely personal reasons for watching Orange to the bitter end:

PrakashRaj in a policeman’s outfit

Turnsout I TOTALLY know one of the back up dancers in the first song and comeon, 6 degrees of seperation etc. I HAVE DANCED WITH THAT GUY IN MY LOUNGE,hence…I’m one degree from dancing with Cherry, right? RIGHT? TELL ME THAT’S HOWIT WORKS. (So I totally watched it to see if he popped up again after the firstsong. Sadly, no).

Guy in the red t-shirt about 40 seconds in.

As thefilm descended rapidly from cracktastic bad to bad bad, I held out vague hopeit would come back around into hilarious bad again. That BORING was just ablip. Sadly, my optimism went unrewarded.

RamCharan Teja TOTALLY looks like a guy I went to school with, so I felt meanswitching the film off, having a soft spot for Cherry. Even though: DUDE. WHATTHE FUCK.

Thefrustrating thing about Orange (apart from EVERYTHING, includingits meaningless, nonsensical surtitle “Love In Fall” - UM... WAS THE FILM SETIN AUTUMN AT ANY POINT AND I JUST MISSED IT? ARE YOU USING “Fall” to meansomething obscure I AM COMPLETELY UNAWARE OF?) is that there IS a vaguelyinteresting concept buried in there, underneath a shabby mistreatment. Itbasically means that this film:

1.Startsout entertainingly bad: think overwrought emotional melodramatics fromgraffiti artist / wildlife photographer Ram (Ram Charan Teja) and nonsense like the existence oflions in the Australian wild (on the outskirts of town) being used as anaphrodisiac. Oh, and a fight scene with the twist that all the hooligans havedifferent coloured aerosol spraypaint cans...and aren't afraid to use them.

2. Beforeit veers rapidly into just plain dire: numerous, mind-numbing repetitionsof the same confusing, frustrating conversations on the film's bizarrotheme: Ram believes love is ashort term only thing; Janu (Genelia, in her most irritatingly shrill role todate) believes that love is for life. And instead of agreeing to disagree, orfinding partners who have similar outlooks, the two just have the samearguments and make each other (and the audience) miserable for THREE LONGHOURS, because the narrative – told as an extended flashback from Ram's pov -is so clumsily presented that the point – Ram's whole “love is a short termthing” - doesn't make ANY SENSE until the last few minutes of the film. As abonus side effect, all men end up looking like lying, cheating, cynicalrelationship-avoidant assholes, and all women end up looking like neurotic,needy, jealous, relationship-obsessed psychos.

Genelia makes two faces in this film: manic crazy eyes or pouty sulky bitchface

Theproblem is that the central idea, when it FINALLY makes sense (if you even getthat far) could actually make a substantial, interesting, modern film. What Orangetries to do (yet manages to bury under piles of misogyny and incessantrepetition of the SAME GODDAMN CONVERSATION) is get us to examine our own ideasabout love. Ram's ideals don't allow him to tell lies or change himself for thesake of love: love should last as long as it lasts while it is healthy andgood. Telling lies, making changes for someone else – in Ram's view, anycompromise is going to ruin the perfect love, so the love – thus therelationship – must end. Janu, on the other hand, believes love HAS TO BEFOREVER. There are examples of her outlook that basically illustrate Ram'spoint...so...Ram is the hero (and yet again, women are made to look like insaneidiots): e.g. Janu's friend discovers her boyfriend is cheating on her when hesends her a text intended for his mistress; Janu appeals to Ram to use hisunflinching honesty to fix the situation somehow but he points out that theycould just break up. JANU NO LIKE SOLUTION. JANU THINK LOVE FOREVER!

Who isright? Neither of them really – Ram is basically in love with himself, anddestined to end up alone forever, the way he's going; Janu is a perpetualchild-woman who is infuriatingly obtuse about all aspects of human nature, wideeyed in horror to think that someone could possibly think she's an idiot forwanting to pick a husband out of a hat and think that the love will be instantforever love. But there are enough interesting little moments and situationsthat prompt you to consider the two extremes, the ways we approach thinkingabout and finding love, that the cackhanded way this film handles it isimmensely frustrating.

Trust your gut

2011-10-05T19:40:00.001+13:00

DelhiBelly (Abhinay Deo, 2011)

DelhiBelly centres around flatmates Tashi (Imran Khan), Arup (VirDas) and Nitin (Kunaal Roy Kapur) who live in slothful squalor inDelhi. Tashi's rich air-hostess fiancee Soniya (Shehnaz Treasurywala)asks him to run an errand for her – all he needs to do is deliver apackage – but Tashi delegates the task to his flatmates.

Atthe same time as Tashi is supposed to deliver Soniya's package, hisflatmate Nitin comes down with a terrible case of “Delhi Belly” -requiring a stool sample to be sent off to the doctor. And youguessed it: the packages get mixed up. WOMP WOMP.

Sothe package (which turns out to be smuggled diamonds) falls into thewrong hands, and the smugglers end up with a container of shit, andUNDERSTANDABLY PISSED, go after the boys in search of their goods.

You'llbasically know from seeing the “First Look” trailer for DelhiBelly whether it's your kind of film or not:

Isaw the trailer when it came out and scratched the film off my To Seelist. I'm really not the biggest fan of toilet humour – I can dealwith it in small doses but I wouldn't normally choose to watchsomething I know to be...purposely vulgar, not because I find itoffensive but because I think it's gross. To base an entire filmaround a guy's diarrhea? No, thank you. Delhi Bellydidn't look like a film I would enjoy – I don't tend to laugh orremotely enjoy looking at people shitting, farting, burping, orvomiting. So the fact that there's a scene where the gangsters tip the container of shitout on the table, expecting diamonds? That kind of thing ACTUALLYmakes me feel sick.

Butthen the music was released, and along with it, hilarious, seeminglysatirical videos that suggested the tone of the film was less vulgargutter humour and maybe a little more my speed:

DiscoFighter, along with glowingly positive reviews from basicallyeveryone in the world, plus critical buzz that it's “groundbreaking”and “cutting edge” cinema, as well as my enduring, unconditionallove for Imran Khan convinced me to go against my gut instinct.

Guesswhat?

IFUCKING HATED THIS FILM.

I HATED EVERY GODDAMN SECOND OF IT. I SHOULDHAVE GONE WITH MY GUT AND LISTENED TO THE TINY INNER VOICE THAT TOLDME FROM THE START “WTF ARE YOU DOING?! YOU WILL HATE THIS! ITLOOKS LIKE YOUR IDEA OF TORTURE!”

AsI have already said - not a fan of toilet humour. I own that andexpected some degree of vulgarity going in. There are only a coupleof actual hardcore gross out moments, but there is a definite focuson the scatological: bums, toilets, farts, poo. One of the problems Ihave is that Delhi Belly is being held up as thisgroundbreaking film because it 'dares to go where no other Indianfilm has gone' in terms of content – but that groundbreakingcontent is what? That X number of characters are shown on the toilet?That variations of the word “fuck” are said (in English, mind you– to swear too much in Hindi would still be too risque?) a recordnumber of times? That characters talk about oral sex, and simulatesex? That's not content – that's just being 'edgy' for the sake ofbeing edgy. Take all of that away from Delhi Belly andyou have a tired crime caper story that has been done to death,nothing memorable or unique or special about it at all.

I can't count thenumber of times I have been asked about Indian cinema being “pure”by people who don't watch Hindi films: they always wantto know if it's true that there's no swearing, no sex, no drugs, nokissing. Even before Delhi Belly I could answerconfidently “No, that's not true” and offer several good filmsas examples; today I would not offer Delhi Belly as one, because ofthe LACK of substance.

Iunderstand that people like this film because it captures the way theyouth today speak and act. I get that: it's thrilling to seeourselves reflected on the screen, thrilling to hear things beingsaid that no-one ever says in a Hindi film. Rishi would never havespoken so openly about going down on a girl! But that's not enoughfor me: give me a film that captures the zeitgeist but tells arelevant story too. Give me fleshed out characters I can careabout, instead of swiftly sketched outlines in a paint by numbersplot. Films like Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara are sometimescriticised for taking place in an unrealistic, unattainable filmireality where everyone is rich and perfect – but at least thosefilms have a universal emotional core that anyone can identify with.This is my main problem with Delhi Belly, I think: itleft me feeling nothing. I was bored – I didn't care about thestory, I didn't care about the characters, and in the end, I waspissed off, because the massive marketing campaign that promised Iwould be shocked and offended and wowed by this groundbreakingcinematic spectacle was a crock of shit. If anything, in the end, I was justmildly nauseated.

Paiyaa

2011-09-30T21:49:00.001+13:00

Paiyaa(N. Linguswamy, 2010)

It'sactually taken me a long time to getting round to writing this one upbecause initially my love for the film was so intimidatingly strong Icouldn't even form coherent sentences. When you look elsewhere on theinternet and discover...shall we say...''lukewarm'' reviews ofPaiyaa, you may wonder if I am on crack or just if mytaste is incredibly questionable. I assure you: I am not on crack.

Firsta synopsis!

Paiyaaapparently loosely translates as “boy” - so the boy of the titleis Shiva (Karthi), who at the start of the film is best described asa kind of a hipster slacker. He's too cool, for example, to hop on abus that has stopped to let passengers board – he waits until it ismoving (presumably because that makes him look more awesome). He'sunemployed, but has a big group of friends that won't tolerate hisslacking and who arrange a job interview for him.

Everythingis looking good for Shiva thanks to his friends...until he falls inlove with a girl (Tamannah) he sees at the bus-stop. He falls in lovein an instant – a split second and he's smitten – and his lovefor the mystery girl puts his job interview in jeopardy. Fate is onShiva's side when his path crosses with the mystery girl's soonerrather than later. Shiva goes to pick up a friend from the railwaystation but sees the mystery girl seemingly in distress, accompaniedby her uncle. They mistake Shiva for a cab driver and enlist him todrive them from Bangalore to Chennai – a job Shiva eagerly accepts.En route to Chennai while filling the car with petrol, the mysterygirl urges Shiva to drive off without her uncle, requesting,ultimately, that he take her to Mumbai.

Andfrom here on in it's a ROAD TRIP MOVIE! Mystery girl is running fromsomething – she won't tell Shiva just what it is. Shiva isincreasingly secretly smitten with Mystery Girl, only he doesn't evenknow her NAME, and she thinks he's ACTUALLY a cab driver. And as thefilm and the road trip progress, it becomes apparent that there arepeople following Shiva and Mystery Girl, with motives of their own.Motives that basically involve Shiva having to do a LOT ofkick-punching. WHICH IS AWESOME IF LIKE ME YOU LOVE A BIT OF VIOLENCEMIXED INTO YOUR ROMANCE (that sounds wrong, just imagine a less sicksounding sentence and you have the essence).

WhatI love the most about Paiyaa is that it's just...superromantic and filmi without erring too far into “Oh my god now Ineed to vomit” zone. Part of this is Karthi's performance – he'sreally good at the “dreamy in love” face and the “I'm soecstatic I am with her” face. But it's the story too. For example:Shiva falls in love with his mystery girl (FINE, her name is Charu)in a split second when he sees her as he gets off the bus – but Itotally buy it in filmi land – like cosmic fated love struck himlike a lightning bolt.

Andthen Shiva gets totally believably annoying. He has a crush! andcalls his friends at all hours to gush about her, and ask advice, andgush some more.

Ireally really loved the way Shiva's relationship with his friends wasportrayed throughout the film – how they help him get a jobinterview at the beginning, how Shiva is constantly calling variousmembers of the group for advice during his road trip (or just to talkabout Charu and how much he likes her), how they all complain abouthim but support him anyway.

I also really liked how Priya (unless Itotally missed something) is just a friend who happens to be a girl,rather than being someone's sister or girlfriend. I feel like it'sweird I need to even notice that, but so often the token girl is “thesister” “the wife” or “the girlfriend”.

Ialso love the songs RIDICULOUSLY MUCH. Okay I admit. I am biasedtowards this film.

Here'sthe thing. I know I probably shouldn't love this film as much as Ido. There is at least one glaringly obvious WTF moment of crackness(hint, if you've seen it: lipstick glitter car; umbrella), there arekind of gaping plot holes if you think about things too hard and OKAYYES I KNOW SOMEONE WILL POINT OUT TO ME THAT KARTHI IS NOT REALLY ASBLESSED IN THE DANCING DEPARTMENT AS MANY OF HIS SOUTHERN FILMINDUSTRY COLLEAGUES but

a)to address that last point first: I think his sometimes spazzydancing is freaking adorable and also, shut up
b)EHHH SHUT UP! HATERS, I LOVE THIS FILM AND I AM THE FIRST TO ADMIT ITURN A BLIND EYE TO ITS FAULTS. See: full disclosure! Objectively, Iknow it's not a classic; subjectively, I DON'T CARE BECAUSE IT'SAWESOME AND LOVE FOR IT WILL LIVE IN MY HEART FOREVER.

(Furtherdisclosure: Paiyaa was the first Karthi film I eversaw, and on the basis of this film I purchased every available filmin his catalogue. When I say I love this film, I really mean it. Ittechnically was my gateway drug – via my Karthi crush which Irealise I haven't actually really documented in this blog, but restassured, it flourishes in reality - into the mysterious alluringSouth, too, pre- the discovery of Bunny).

A new frequently asked question!

2011-09-21T19:01:00.000+12:00

Hey blog, I haven't forgotten about you!

So here's the thing. From time to time, I do get recommendations from people who read the blog (even when I get sick or busy and neglect my little corner of the internet for unforgiveably long stretches...I promise I'll try and do better and next time I post it will even be a REAL POST!) who have suggestions for films they'd like to see me write about next. Often, it's phrased as a question: “Why haven't you written about X, Y or Z film yet?” And increasingly, I am asked why I don't write more about South Indian films, when it's obvious, I guess, that I do own some Southie films.

HERE'S YOUR ANSWER:

I have a backlog the size of...something really big. The number of films I own, and have watched and FAILED TO YET WRITE UP despite my best intentions is verging on epic. Just off the top off my head, here are some of the films I have watched RECENTLY with every intention of writing them up here:

Paruthiveeran
Bunny
Happy
Varudu
Black Friday
Khakee
Red Rose
Naan Mahaan Alla
Challo Dilli
Urumi
Kuch Naa Kaho
Tashan
Mujhse Shaadi Karogi
Dum Maaro Dum
Raajneeti
No One Killed Jessica
Jaggu Bhai
Paiyaa

That's a drop in the bucket, let me tell you. Please note how many of them are Southie films. EIGHT (admittedly, there's not much variety there, but I'm working on it, slowly!)

Sometimes, when I could be writing about movies, I am writing about music instead.
If it's specifically Southie film stuff you're after, there are a bunch of extremely, insanely awesome bloggers who know waaaaaaay more about the various Southern Film Industries than I do, like, WAY more, and if you are looking for actual knowledgeable recommendations, LOOK TO THEM. Look in my blogroll. Start with Cinema Chaat and My Year of Prakash Raj. Look in THEIR blogrolls. Seriously. I ASK THESE GUYS (and a bunch of others including Dolce & Namak, and Kay from Totally Filmi) FOR RECOMMENDATIONS all the time. ALL THE TIME (being on Twitter like, 24/7 helps).

I promise next post will be a proper review, once I narrow down what that's actually going to be. I'm kind of obsessing over Allu Arjun

and Jr NTR right now

but if I'm going south for a post, I wanna give some more love to my man Karthi.

Votes? Suggestions?

Parwana

2011-09-06T12:30:00.000+12:00

Parwana(Jyoti Swaroop, 1971)

Allegedlybased on an actual incident that ACTUALLY DID force the IndianRailway to alter their schedule, Parwana is a stylish,entertaining, engrossing and clever crime thriller, with the addedfascination of a youthful, pre-superstardom Amitabh Bachchan takingon a rare negative role (I think the gap between this and his nextvillain in Aankhen is something like 30 years).

Theset-up is this: Kumar Sen (Amitabh Bachchan), an artist, is in lovewith Asha (Yogeeta Bali), and expects to marry her, believing thatAsha's uncle Ashok Varma (Om Prakash) has guaranteed to arrange theirmatch. So he is shocked to discover that Asha is in love with Rajesh(Navin Nischol), a man she met while on a dance trip, and that AshokVarma has agreed to let Asha and Rajesh wed.

Kumardoesn't do unrequited love very well – he goes all broodypossessive emo on it, and in fact Kumar refuses to accept that Ashawill never be his. He visits Ashok, trying to get him to change hismind and get Rajesh out of the picture, but Ashok just wants Asha tobe happy. Kumar and Ashok fight, and Kumar leaves on a train boundfor Calcutta to be alone with his jealousy, leaving Ashok Varma ALIVEAND KICKING.

Butthe next day Ashok Varma is found murdered in his home, and Rajesh isarrested – he finds the body and claims he was alerted by aphonecall from the absent Kumar. But HOW COULD THAT BE? Kumar was ona train at the time of the murder, and couldn't have called Rajesh?That troubling inconsistency, and the discovery of an incriminatingletter from Ashok Varma, stating that Rajesh isn't good enough tomarry Asha, make Rajesh TOTALLY SUSPECT #1 in the police's eyes. Heproclaims his innocence, but how can Rajesh prove it was Kumar, whenKumar was 4 hours away on a train to Calcutta at the time of themurder?

THEREINLIES THE COMPELLING MYSTERY AT THE HEART OF PARWANA!

Parwanameans ''moth''. The film gets its title from a line in which KumarSen (Amitabh Bachchan) likens his obsessive attraction for Asha(Yogeeta Bali) to a moth, drawn fatally towards a flame.

It'sactually a shame that Big B didn't get the opportunity to do moremeaty, negative roles like this one, because he is awesome at it(though I guess his Angry Young Man thing kind of employs some of thesame schtick) – the brooding, inner turmoil, bubbling up and barelycontained; he's on a slow burn for much of the film and then BOOM outit comes.

Also:look how handsome! Near the start of the film, especially in the'funny disguise' song, he reminded me SO MUCH of Abhishek. Theresemblance, down to mannerisms, is so strong sometimes.

Bonuspost-interval awesomeness: the prosecutor is played by none otherthan

SHATRUGHANSINHA!

There'ssomething weird going on with Shatru, in that he's not wearing pink,orange, pink AND orange, paisley, lurid multicolour patterns, a gianttie, enormous sunglasses or all of the above PLUS massivebellbottoms. Also he is not carrying a gun or a walking stick. Nor ishe wearing any ridiculous jewels.

Infact, as a respectable man of justice, he's initially devoid of hisusual swagger and peacocking. All he has are these:

GIANTGLASSES. Naturally, Shotgun can rock them. And it's not long beforehis natural swagger starts peeking through:

Check him OUT.

Thewhole reason I watched this film in the first place is because itpartly inspired and is referenced throughout Johnny Gaddar,a film that I utterly LOVED (and one I will have to rewatch now Ihave seen the 'source' material). It's so obvious now just how muchJG owes to this classic – in terms of plot but alsoin terms of sheer atmospheric style.

Thisis definitely a classic, underappreciated gem that is worth a watch - not JUST for Big B, but because it's a well-crafted, ingenious mystery thriller.

Caravan

2011-09-05T18:43:00.000+12:00

Caravan(Nasir Hussain, 1971)

Iwasn't expecting much from Caravan.The dvd had been sitting, unwatched – and if I'm completely honest– totally forgotten about, on my shelf for something like twoyears. I had never really bothered to read the synopsis on the back.Like Filmi Geek before me, somewhere along the way I had picked upthe impression, before watching, that Caravan was akinda crappy, sub-par film, and so I always managed to find somethingelse to watch when the time came to choose a DVD.

Idon't know what it was that eventually pushed me to watch Caravan– but boy, am I EVER glad that I have finally seen this gloriousfilm. Crappy? Sub-par? HARDLY! Caravan is, in myexperience, VERY NEARLY PERFECT.

Let'sstart with the story.

Thebeautiful Asha Parekh plays Sunita, a rich girl who is heiress to herfather's fortune.

Sunita, we rapidly learn, has had a run of badluck: after her father dies in a suspicious fall, Sunita marries hisbusiness partner, Rajan (Ravinder Kapoor)...only to discover that heand his mistress (Helen) are plotting to kill her for her riches.

Toescape from Rajan, Sunita fakes her own death and must try to get toBangalore, where an old family friend who can help her resides.Lacking money, and in hiding from Rajan and his goons, Sunita joins atravelling caravan. The caravan – crewed by three young men:Johnny, Mohan (Jeetendra) and Monto – is en route to Bangalore whenit joins up with a band of performing gypsies, one of whom – Nisha(Aruna Irani) loves Mohan with a jealous passion that borders onpsychotic.

When she sees Sunita and Mohan inevitably falling in love(come on, this is a Hindi film after all)...she will do anything toensure Mohan remains hers and hers alone.

Itmay not sound especially revolutionary or mind-blowing, especiallycompared with some of the other cracktasmic cinema emerging out ofIndia in the 1970s, but that is precisely what makes it so verywonderful – there is a measure of restraint, so that even withGYPSIES! And MURDER! And ROWDIES! It never feels like it's veeredover the top into a caricature of itself. I guess I'm saying that itscharm is winningly sincere, rather than kitschy camp – although asalways, it's subjective. Caravan is, I think, EXACTLYwhat I imagined “Bollywood” to be before I had ever encounteredan Indian film: it's giddily romantic without veering too far intogaudy, maudlin melodrama; it is cheerful and colourful and populatedwith genuinely likeable characters (Jeetendra hit a career high inCaravan as Mohan, the cocky mechanic who likes to think of himself aseducated and speaks in mangled English to prove it to his lady love,Sunita, an educated girl impersonating an illiterate village belle),and most of all, it's super-duper entertaining, veering fromedge-of-your-seat thriller to provoking prolonged belly laughs.

Secondly: if you are not yet on the Jeetendra train, then I don't know if I can be your friend anymore. (Okay just kidding, but seriously, I LOVE JEETU AND I WANT YOU TO LOVE HIM TOO).

He's SO funny in this film! I'm so used to seeing Jeetu get really melodramatic and get the super scary emo eyes of doom (and also, most of the movies I see Jeetu has a mustache), but happy dorky goofy cleanshaven Jeetu WINS!

Seriously:WHY DO PEOPLE NOT TALK ABOUT THIS FILM? Why has NOBODY EVER MENTIONEDCARAVAN TO ME in terms like:

“Youhave to watch this film! If it is possible to fall in love with amovie, then Caravan will be the movie that's like awhirlwind summer romance – you'll fall suddenly, and hard, and getswept up in the heady colour and emotion; then find yourself thinkingof it fondly at random moments long after its over!”

...until I saw Caravan

Okayif someone had said that to me I probably would have spewed up in mymouth a little bit and never watched the film, BUT SERIOUSLY I LOVEDTHIS MOVIE SO MUCH I DON'T KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN THIS ANY BETTER. Doyourself a favour and just watch it. It is ACTUALLY GLORIOUS.

Love Story (Rajendra Kumar, 1981)

2011-09-04T13:57:00.000+12:00

It'sa pretty safe bet that any film titled Love Story isgoing to be a no-go for the hardened cynics in the audience; thisparticular Love Story makes its agenda pretty explicitfrom the get-go starting things off with 20 minutes of what has to beTHE most deliciously melodramatic prologue ever.

We'rerapidly introduced to three central characters: architect andengineer Vijay Mehra (Rajendra Kumar), an arrogant, jealous,argumentative jerk of a man;

his girlfriend Suman (Vidya Sinha) andRam Dogra (Danny Denzongpa) – a cheerfully honest constructionengineer Vijay unsuccessfully tries to bribe, who also turns out to bean old flame of Suman's.

Basically– Vijay comes off looking REALLY BAD in the prologue: he tries tobribe Ram when his building doesn't meet the basic codes;

then whenhe and Suman run into Ram later in an nightclub and Ram asks Suman todance, Vijay issues an “it's him or me” ultimatum. OVER A DANCE.Before storming out of the club and leaving Suman stranded. Then whenSuman gets upset, not understanding what on earth she has done todeserve such bad treatment (seriously, Vijay is a jerk) he admonishesher for crying before breaking up with her in the most awesomelyhorribly way possible:

Yep.He arranges his own marriage in front of her.

SoSuman leaves with Ram. Vijay gets married and his wife gets pregnantand dies, just like that, because mean people don't deserve anyhappiness in a prologue. But also because the point of the whole filmis: THE TANGLED PAST BETWEEN SUMAN, RAM AND VIJAY WILL COME BACK TOHAUNT THEM IN THE FUTURE. Suman even predicts it:

Andso it does. The bulk of Love Story is focussed on thenext generation: Vijay's son, Bunty (Kumar Gaurav)

and Ram andSuman's daughter Pinky (Vijayta).

Bunty runs away from home becauseVijay wants him to study engineering and Bunty wants to be a pilot;Pinky runs away from home because Ram is so overprotective of her hisattention is stifling. The two kids meet while on the run, and thoughthey initially can't stand each other, they eventually fall madly inlove, which is a problem when their parents loathe each other.

Andthat's basically the whole film.

Obviouslythe story is about love – but in true Hindi film fashion, it'smultifaceted. There's young love, parental love, love turnedpoisonous, stifling love, love that spoils, unfulfilled love,platonic love, true love, lustful love...

LoveStory did differ slightly to other “kids in love rebellingagainst their parents” films that I have seen in that the attitudeof the kids was kind of...a let down, actually. In other films (andthe one that always springs to mind is Love 86, thoughI KNOW there are a tonne of other good examples) the parents want onething for the kids – e.g. arranged marriage, and the kids wantanother – e.g. love marriage. So they fight for it. THEY FIGHT FORIT. They stand up for what they believe in, or they put all theirfaith in the strength and power of their love conquering all and theyargue with their parents and fight for what they want. It might becheesy but THAT'S WHAT I EXPECT OF A FILM CALLED LOVE STORY.

Inthis film, I was kind of disappointed that when Bunty and Pinkysuddenly realise they are in love, and they realise that this lovemight be a problem for their parents, but especially for Pinky'soverprotective father, who has already lined up a groom willing tolive in the bridal home for his daughter, they just...opt out ofreturning to the real world and fighting for their relationship.Like, THEY DON'T EVEN TRY. Their solution is to LITERALLY play house,(and don't even get me started on this giant plot hole –like...where did the house come from? And everything in it?) and livea chaste and happy fantasy life free from the hassles of the realworld.

Maybeit was supposed to be a metaphor for something. But I didn't get it.

I HATED that part of the film and thought it was beyond stupid.

Alsohated: the fact that the “bonding” moment between Bunty and Pinkywhen they magically fall in love comes when Pinky accidentally hurtsBunty, he SLAPS HER IN THE FACE and SHE APOLOGISES. That bit made mereally mad.

Alsohated: that the film goes on to make Pinky look even more annoyingwhen she makes Bunty angry by DOING SOMETHING HE EXPLICITLY ASKED HERNOT TO DO and then wondering why he got mad.

WhatI LOVED (and the reason I was watching the film) was Amjad Khan'scharacter, Sher Singh. Amaluu has been telling me to watch this filmfor AGES because of Amjad Khan (we have a kind of Amjad Khan fanclub)and now I know why. His character is so loveable and sweet, and ifyou have only ever seen him play villains, you need to see him inLove Story, just so you can see how funny and cute andpoignant he can be.

Plus,with the kids absolving themselves of all responsibility for fightingfor their relationship, it was so interesting to see a character likeSher Singh fulfil that role in the narrative.

AmjadKhan WINS (but doesn't he always?!). The rest of the film...ehhh.Points for the extreme melodrama,

Gotta give points for writing on the wall in blood.

butthe mix of mindless fluff and misogyny kinda lost me this time round.

The Bunny Effect

2011-08-30T20:08:00.001+12:00

Arya2 (Sukumar, 2009)

This film is insane.

I can't really put it any other way: this film is completely, utterly mental; definitely one of a kind, and FREAKING AWESOME. Arya2 was my intro to “Stylish Star” Allu Arjun and I CAN'T FREAKING BELIEVE IT HAS TAKEN THIS LONG FOR ME TO HOP ON BOARD THIS PARTICULAR TRAIN.

THIS IS HOW AWESOME IT WAS:

1.Only a few hours after watching this film I was back on the 'net eliciting the expert opinions on the best films to order to fulfil my NEED for more Allu Arjun. Guess what? I have some extremely knowledgable and wickedly encouraging Twitter/blog pals, particularly when it comes to the finer points of appreciating the...erm....QUALITIES of the actor fondly referred to as “Bunny”. INSTANT CONVERT. Bunny is my new honey.

What do you mean, this picture is completely gratuitous?

2. My laptop refuses to screencap the dvd. I think because the movie is so insanely awesome it would cause my laptop to spontaneously combust should images of it be permanently stored on my harddrive.

I doubt I would have been as immediately smitten had I chosen a different introductory film (although actually, apparently it's quite common to react like this, according to my pals, who ARE the experts. “Ah”, they told me “you've been hit by the Bunny effect” - and regaled me with their own tales of seeing one Allu Arjun film and having to order a pile more immediately).

Arya2 – as I've already mentioned – is utterly mental, and I mean that literally. Allu Arjun plays the Arya of the title, and Arya, it is very rapidly revealed, is KIND OF A PSYCHO (albeit a psycho who turns out to have a heart of gold).

The story – omg, how am I even going to begin to recount the story? - begins in an orphanage, when a clearly disturbed child – our antihero Arya - decides to befriend (through manipulation and near drowning) another of the orphans: Ajay. That Ajay doesn't particularly WANT Arya's friendship doesn't matter: Arya is a devoted friend. THE most scarily devoted friend anyone could ever wish to have. Arya gets Ajay's name tattooed on his arm, such is his love for his new BFF, and he forces Arjun to reciprocate in kind, making them sort of tattoo-blood brothers. When a rich couple come to the orphanage and can't decide which of the two to adopt, Arya and Ajay flip a coin to decide who gets a new life: Arya wins, but he sacrifices his victory and lets Ajay go with the couple and start a new life. Ajay is thrilled...not because he gets a new life, with new parents and a promising future, but BECAUSE HE IS FINALLY FREE OF ARYA.

But you KNOW Arya isn't going to let go of his best friend just like that.

Skip forward a few years, and Ajay (Navdeep) is a successful computer engineer, and against his better judgement, gives his “old friend” Arya a job after Arya saves him by taking on some thugs who were hassling him. Because Arya is essentially a drunken thug himself, and because Ajay doesn't want to hire him at all, he comes up with what he thinks is a foolproof loophole: Arya must be a PERFECT employee and the moment he makes a mistake, he'll be fired.

Arya transforms seamlessly into Mr Perfect and becomes the most popular employee in the company, reknowned for his morals and good behaviour. Which frustrates the crap out of Ajay.

And then Geetha (Kajal Agarwal) enters the picture. Both Ajay and Arya fall in love with her, but while Ajay keeps a respectable, respectful distance, Arya embarks on a full-on stalk-a-thon; maintaining his Mr Perfect act for the rest of the company but revealing his “bad” side ONLY to Geetha: acting on impulse, chainsmoking, drinking – making Geetha seem like SHE'S crazy for protesting about “Mr Perfect” when the rest of the company refuse to believe her accusations against Arya. Finally, in desperation, Geetha professes her love for Ajay, just to get Arya off her back. Little does she know that aligning herself with Arya's BEST FRIEND FOREVER is not the best way to get rid of Arya.

And this is where things REALLY get tangled. It's best to just watch it because...omfg. The love triangle gets uber complicated with a fourth party and a gang war entering the picture, EVERYONE'S in love with Geetha, Arya manages to get...sort of accidentally married, there's a super cute reference to Sholay, and somewhere along the way, Arya's creepy stalker psychotic behaviour actually stops being genuinely scary and becomes genuinely loveable. This film actually made me go a) YAY A FILM THAT PORTRAYS STALKING AS TOTALLY SCARY RATHER THAN ROMANTIC AND HAS THE GIRL RECOGNISING THAT (because how many thousands of films have stalking = the ultimate in romance?) and then made me b) metaphorically punch myself in the face and simultaneously applaud the filmmaker for making me FALL IN LOVE WITH THE PSYCHOTIC STALKER.

I can't really write much about this film without sounding like a huge Allu Arjun fangirl, because he freaking OWNS this film. Like, imagine this sentence is a cursory nod to the other performers in the film who all do a decent job. But seriously? ALLU ARJUN. His name is a FULL SENTENCE.

Also...THE SONGS! Are ADDICTIVE. Everyone has heard Ringa Ringa by now (even I had and I'm obviously WAY late to the game):

but can I just end this review with the song that I am OBSESSED WITH?

Check out the knee move and learn from others' experience: leave it to the expert (Bunny).

I know this was a basically fangirly useless review but that should give you some idea of The Bunny Effect. BASICALLY DO WATCH THIS MOVIE BECAUSE IT IS GOOD. Okay? Good.

Jail

2011-08-21T20:53:00.002+12:00

Jail (Madhur Bhandarkar, 2009)

I'll save you 2 hours of your life and skip to the end: here's the message Madhur Bhandarkar wants you to take from Jail, his 2009 “exploration” of what REALLY happens behind bars:

He's not subtle about it either (surprise). Much of this film is like being hit over the head with a big, blunt Message in Capital Letters, be it the Difficult Plight of the Man (or Woman, I guess, this is the new millenium) with Morals Working in a Corrupt System; or There Are Homosexuals in Jail Too You Know; or Don't Get Involved With Gangsters You Will Only Lose Your Soul.

Observation #1: there's not a lot about what “really” happens in jail that hasn't already been adequately explored on film or reality television. If Jail was meant to be a shocking expose, it really, really falls short because what it reminded me of, more than anything else, was The Shawshank Redemption with added ridiculous courtroom scenes with special “Bollywood law” and a distinct lack of a compelling plot or interesting characters.

Seriously. That's a huge, huge problem, because initially (we're talking first five minutes, when I actually felt sorry for poor baby-faced Neil Nitin Mukesh who CLEARLY WOULD NOT SURVIVE A NIGHT IN A REAL JAIL) I liked the premise, and thought it had legs.

I could have seen those legs too, had they not been pixeled out.

Premise: Successful baby-faced guy with an awesome job I didn't pay any attention to except he just got made REGIONAL MANAGER which is apparently a BIG FREAKING DEAL Parag Malhotra Dixit (Neil Nitin Mukesh) has a dream life and a beautiful girlfriend (Mughda Godse) who looks and acts kind of vacant but whatever, apparently they're totally in love (no chemistry so use your imagination). His room-mate/coworker is a bit weird but I guess he pays the rent so Parag totally overlooks the fact that weirdo roomie is constantly borrowing, without asking, HIS CLOTHES, HIS CELLPHONE, and GOD KNOWS WHAT ELSE. He's also always asking him for rides home from work at the last minute and he CARRIES A MAN-BAG.

Dude, DON'T YOU KNOW THAT THAT'S HOW YOU TOTALLY GET PULLED OVER AND END UP IN A SHOOT-OUT WITH THE COPS? Before you know it, weirdo roomie is dead and Parag is in jail for both shooting at cops and possession of a crapload of narcotics.

That's as exciting as the film gets, because from now on FOR THE NEXT TWO HOURS, we enter a repetitive cycle of

Neil Nitin Mukesh crying, sulking, or having an emo about being in jail.
Conversations between Neil Nitin Mukesh and Manoj Bajpai playing Nawab, the Morgan Freeman “Wise Older Prisoner” character. Basically: Parag is an idiot and Nawab is wise and kindly and is destined to be disappointed in Parag's choices...or is he?
Look! There are corrupt prison guards! Look, prisoners pretend to be each others friends then sell each other out to get ahead! Look! Life on the outside goes on! Look! Neil Nitin Mukesh is crying again!
Ridiculous court scene based entirely on Bollywood law principles.

Observation # 2: The films that depend on the law the most for their storyline to make sense HAVE THE LEAST GRASP OF IT and resort to highly simplistic, illogical “Bollywood law” (resulting in mass facepalms from the audience). An example of Bollywood law: “Witnesses saw that you did not have a gun and that it was your friend that fired at the police, so we acquit you of the charge of shooting at an officer” (YAY!) “But the drugs were in the backseat of your car so they must be yours, and the law says you must have 10 years in jail, and this is unchallengable in court, and I'm the judge and my word is law” (FACEPALM).

There's a minor bright spot in the form of Arya Babbar:

but he's not worth watching the film for. IT'S SO BORING.

It would have been awesome if ultimately, it turned out that Parag, sweet, unprepared for jail, babyfaced innocent Parag, who won the trust and goodwill of everyone...WAS GUILTY ALL ALONG. (Okay not especially original, but it would have been satisfying). As it is, I prefer my innocent guy gets sent to jail films to run along the Sunny Deol lines: less crying and whinging about it, more KICKASS REVENGE.

Sad news

2011-08-14T17:01:00.001+12:00

Shammi Kapoor died today.

Oh Shammi-ji, you were one of a kind, my favourite filmi grandfather, and the original heartthrob. How could anyone NOT fall in love with you after seeing Junglee?

Rest in peace, you exuberant lion of a man (though really, I hope wherever you are, you're dancing up a storm).

Shor In The City

2011-08-08T21:10:00.000+12:00

Shor in the City (Raj Nidimoru and Krishna DK, 2011)

DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT READING THIS IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE FILM.

“Shor” means noise. Cacophony. Din. Anyone who has spent any time in any big city will know that the noise never stops – and this seems to hold especially true in chaotic, colourful, extreme Mumbai as the city celebrates the eleven days of the Ganesha Chaturthi festival.

Set against the incessant noise and unceasing activity of the city are three unrelated narratives about fairly ordinary people making their way through this extraordinary city: how the choices they make will impact the rest of their lives. As the song says: “Karma is a bitch”.In Shor in the City backstories aren't important. Characters are presented as they are in the here and now, the way you'd encounter them in a city. Or a newspaper story (which is where the inspiration for the narrative threads in Shor came from). The comedic collides with the horrific, the touching with the sinister, characters' free will gets all tangled up with seemingly unavoidable fate.

There's Abhay (Sendhil Ramamurthy), a recently returned NRI who expects his return to Mumbai to set up a small business to be something of a homecoming. Instead he finds something altogether more threatening.

This was my least favourite of the stories - there was just something...missing. I don't mean performance-wise, Sendhil is (surprisingly) great.

There's Sawan (Sundeep Kishan), a wannabe cricketer who discovers that to be selected as a Mumbai under-22 rep, he'll need to pay a bribe he can't afford.

His relationship is also suffering from his blinkered focus on his sporting career.

And there's Tilak (Tusshar Kapoor), a small-time criminal and publisher of pirated books who is slowly realising he can be a better person,

The book he's referring to is The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. Did you know Coelho essentially PIRATES HIS OWN BOOKS? He's an advocate for peer-to-peer sharing of his books, which makes the choice of The Alchemist for the pirated book that changes Tilak's outlook on life REALLY VERY INTERESTING - see also Tilak's desire to give his friends copies of the book he genuinely enjoyed, his realisation why people pay money for books and his desire to pirate responsibly: to put a good quality, accurate copy on the market. What message is this film putting out there?

while his far more corrupt friends Mandook (Pitobash Tripathy) and Ramesh (Nikhil Dwivedi) get involved in a foolhardy scheme to sell guns to the Mumbai mafia.

The film, as the title suggests, is full throttle cacophonous chaos from the get-go; the moments of intentional quiet are vivid contrasts to the hustle and bustle of the city, the constant chatter and traffic and crowding, the wheeling and dealing, the hum that is the background to any city. When the sound disappears, it's unusually touching: the dream-like conclusion when Tilak melts anonymously back into a crowd celebrating Ganesha Chaturthi; the horrifying episode with the bomb and the aftermath of the bomb exploding, the sound of which affects the way Tilak hears the world around him.

Maybe it's obvious, but my favourite story by far, and the one I haven't been able to stop thinking about, was newly-wed, The Alchemist-enlightened Tilak's. Tusshar Kapoor does a lovely, LOVELY job of conveying Tilak's awakening desire to act more in line with the person he already is – whether it's firmly insisting his pirated books are intact and possess all their pages or exhibiting wide-eyed wonder at discovering his wife can read, and went to college, and knows intimately the book he loves. And the ending – oh the ending! I know that some people were kind of “meh, fakeout, whatever” about it, and some people probably just think it's weird or anticlimactic...but that ending! I CANNOT STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. This could be my favourite scene in any film I've seen so far this year.

MEGA SPOILER:

Tilak wants a new beginning...left for dead, alone in the bank, there's something so pure and perfect and utterly Bollywood about the way he opens his eyes as a huge idol of Ganesha, remover of obstacles, passes the window.

He's bathed in light. He's alive – he winces at his gunshot wound – and he makes his way outside, unseen by the police or the bank staff, as the Ganesha parade passes by. He melts into the crowd but as he does so, he sees a boy who looks just like the boy he tried to save from the bomb.

He has his chance at a new life: he can start living a new way and become the man he wants to be.

The last time we see him he is with his wife.

I love that ending. I love that he sees the boy. I love every single expression on Tusshar Kapoor's face. I love that I don't really know what it all means,

Like this scene. This scene is haunting me.

or understand just how the boy came to be there, and the way I interpret it is quite likely different to how you interpret it. I DO tend to overanalyse.

But that's the whole beauty of Shor... Much of it is open to interpretation if that is your thing; if it's not, you don't need to go down that road, you can just enjoy it for the glorious attention to detail, the dialogue, the stories and the outstanding, thoroughly excellent performances.

I feel like I need to watch this film 12 more times before I can even attempt a proper write up that remotely does it justice, but for now, this will have to do.

Stanley Ka Dabba

2011-08-06T22:15:00.000+12:00

Stanley Ka Dabba (Amole Gupte, 2011)

The tagline “A little story with a big heart” describes this film perfectly.

I don't even know what to say about Stanley Ka Dabba (Stanley's Lunchbox) except that you HAVE to see it. I don't know where to begin: it's utterly, gutwrenchingly heartbreaking, it will make you frustrated with the world, and probably angry and deeply sad; and in the same moments fill you with absolute gratitude and hope thanks to the small, ordinary, seemingly everyday acts of kindness and courage and friendship that are revealed in this extraordinarily lovely film.

The story revolves around Stanley – the one kid in his class who doesn't bring his lunch to school. There's obviously something going on with Stanley from the start – he arrives at school ridiculously early, sometimes with bruises he explains away with a clear gift for the gab, and he only eats when other students share their lunch with him. This is a problem for one of the teachers, a Mr Verma, though not in the way you'd expect.

Verma is the only teacher who never brings lunch to school, though it's obvious that his reasons and Stanley's reasons for lacking a dabba are quite different. Verma fills his own stomach by picking at staff and students' dabbas alike. Any morsel given to Stanley is a morsel Verma misses out on. So Mr Verma, a vile, greedy, grasping little man (played by the film's writer/director, Amole Gupte) embarks on a petty personal vendetta against Stanley (Partho, the most exquisite, adorable child actor I have ever seen), who employs all his creativity and charm in just trying to stay in school, resorting to drinking water to keep his hunger at bay.

There aren't enough films like this – combining an unvarnished, ordinary story with a backbone that isn't melodramatised or schmaltzed up. Stanley Ka Dabba has so much pure, genuine heart – in the celebration of Stanley's friends' guileless, supportive friendship; of the simple, right way of doing things triumphing over the selfish or lazy. I hate writing reviews of things I adore with every cell in my body because I don't know enough words for “outstanding”. Just do yourself a favour and watch it already.

How My Impulsive Love For Rahul Khanna Ruined My Reputation: A Public Service Announcement

2011-08-02T20:49:00.000+12:00

Those of you reading this blog who know me, in real life or just through THE MAGIC OF MY WORDS (ha!), will possibly know the following things about me already :

a) I'm sometimes a little bit impulsive, and

b) I can occasionally be a bit of a geeky completist, and

c) I have mad love for Rahul Khanna, also sometimes referred to within these pages as “The Hottest Khanna” (not...strictly true, since Vinod owns my heart forever but you know, if it's a competition between Rahul and Akshaye...anyway, I digress).

So anyway, these random facts all combined today to hilariously try and destroy my squeaky clean reputation, all because I just wanted to own ONE MORE FILM WITH RAHUL KHANNA IN IT.

It began, innocently enough, with this:

See #7 on the list? Hi Fi Log was the only film on Induna's “Rahul Khanna filmography” that I didn't already own, so I clicked Add To Cart.....CRITICALLY, without clicking through to see the cover., or discover it was classified as “Mature/Obscure”. Nor did I look elsewhere on the net to read a synopsis – what can I say? I prefer to be surprised. Hi Fi Log, in my imagination, was about a bunch of rich, jet-setting people who probably swan around wearing jewels and designer clothes and drinking cocktails poolside looking fabulous.

Pretty much the definition of "poolside, looking fabulous"

In my imagination it was kind of like an Indian Bold and the Beautiful. After all, it had RAHUL KHANNA in it. He would probably be wearing a tuxedo most of the time when he wasn't swimming laps in designer Speedos and making all the ladies swoon. Plot? WHAT PLOT? Of course I'd buy it without looking at the cover, which would probably be purple with lots of diamonds on it and Rahul Khanna in WHITE TROUSERS (swoon).

This pic comes from MissMalini.com and for that we should ALL GIVE THANKS

THIS IS IMPULSIVITY IN ACTION.

Hint: this is why I should have read a synopsis (taken unedited from YouTube where you can watch the whole movie):

Hi Fi Log is a story about a male prostitution in the Hi Fi society.
Rich sex hungry women, who like to booze, party have fun are willing to pay big amount of money
to fulfill their sexual desires. Rahul is a young guy with aspiration to become an actor, struggling to survive in the big city,
meets a agent (dalal), who convinces Rahul to become a giglo.
Rahul agrees and starts visiting rich auntys to satisfy them, What follows is lot of hot masala scenes, aunties in hot bikinis.
He meets and falls in love with Kajal (karishma) and also befriends a co-worker giglo guy. One of the aunty gets caught by her husband,
making out with a male prostitute and the angry husband shoots both of them. The police carries out investigation and the whole racket is busted.
Also his co-worker giglo gets infected with AIDS and dies. Rahul finally realizes his mistake and quits the HI Fi city life to go back to his village.

HERE IS THE PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:

Just in case you haven't figured it out yet, the Rahul Khanna we know and adore is not in Hi Fi Log. That is to say, this sexy guy:

Dear Rahul, I am sorry for even ACCIDENTALLY thinking you were in a really bad film.

doesn't get down to luridly hilarious seksi times with any, errr...rich aunties.

This guy is though. TBH, this is PROBABLY Abhay Bakshi? I have no idea who the OTHER Rahul Khanna is.

The DVD cover doesn't lie though:

A "Rahul Khanna" rocks it in this film,

to a creepily hilarious soundtrack of the Backstreet Boys "Everybody (Backstreet's Back)" played at like, quarter speed. *facepalm* It's like that episode of Friends, where Phoebe's twin sister Ursula is an “adult film star” who uses the name Phoebe Buffay as her p0rn name.

Nor is Hi Fi Log really a p0rn film - well, not by Western standards anyway. It's certainly....very bad, from the snippets I watched. Possibly hilariously bad, based on the glorious disco-p0rn titles, the Backstreet Boys as atmospheric music and the fact that the cover suggests it's supposed to be SO SO HOT yet this:

Ooh bikinis.

This appears to be the big item number.

hahah steamy seksi time

seems to be the extent of the action (not that I really went looking!). Oh yeah, there are no subtitles. I may just save this one for a No Subtitles Sunday when I'm feeling brave. And reckless.

WHY EVERYONE AT WORK NOW THINKS I AM A PERVY WEIRDO:

Let me set the scene a little for you. I order dvds fairly regularly and my favourite regular courier has figured me out and knows to bring them to me at work. Today, he brought me a package and my new co-worker made a joke I have heard like, EVERY TIME I GET A PACKAGE: ''Oh, more p0rn off the internet huh?”

Oh how we laughed. “No, seriously, just some Bollywood dvds” I told her.

And then I opened the package and sitting right on top was this.

WHICH WAS NOT THE PURPLE DIAMOND-COVERED WHITE PANTED RAHUL COVERED DVD I THOUGHT I ORDERED. Just to compound the hilarious horror, after tweeting my innocence, SWEARING that I had only ordered the film for Rahul Khanna, I got this DM:

Confirmation of HIS innocence. DAMMIT.

So anyway, back to my co-worker. “OH MY GOD YOU DID BUY P0RN!” she cackled, “That's not Bollywood! In Bollywood they don't even kiss or swear!”

So then...I made it worse, by kind of...going on a huge rant about how OF COURSE Bollywood has seksi times and kissing and swearing and violence. I may have argued too fervently in the other direction, in fact, so now coworker believes that Bollywood is a filthy den of sin and I am a big pervy weirdo who orders Indian seksi-time films off the internet AND WRITES ABOUT THEM. SIGH.

SO ANYWAY MORAL OF THE STORY: Rahul Khanna isn't in Hi Fi Log, long story short.

Special bonus P.S.A: Govinda is not in Main Aur Mrs Khanna, despite 99% of filmographies on the net saying he is. I WATCHED THE WHOLE MOVIE and shame on whoever mistook Bappi Lahiri for Chichi. Just thought I'd throw that in there while I'm doing selfless good deeds.

Snakes snakes snakes!

2011-08-01T11:12:00.000+12:00

Happy August!

Okay so I know I've been totally crap at participating in any of the recent blogosphere...things (sorry Kapoor Khazana, turns out the Kapoors < the Deols in my book; sorry Shameful Pleasures Week, turns out I'm just not really that shamed about any of my viewing choices) (also, I HAVE amazingly actually posted in the last couple of days if you wanna click back)...but I am super excited about Dustdevil Liz's Nag Panchami Film Fesssssstival! If you've never seen the distinctive, addictive, hypnotic glory of a snake movie, then YOU ARE DEFINITELY MISSING OUT ON SOMETHING WONDERFUL. The news is good: in the next couple of weeks you can visit the links Liz will be collecting here and enjoy all manner of snake film related wonder and delight!

Seriously. I cannot emphasise this enough. SNAKE FILMS ARE THE SHIZZ, YOU GUYS.

Here's all the snake action I have previously had the good fortune to encounter on the blog:

Gangaa Jamunaa Saraswathi: aging Big B pretends to be in his 20s, encounters a whole mini sub-plot with the Lord of the Snakes helping him out of tricky situations

Aayirathil Oruvan: my Southie boyfraaand #1 Karthi has to face a bunch of challenges on the way to find a hidden ancient civilization. One of the challenges: a village overrun with seemingly evil enchanted SNAKES.

Nagina: Sridevi as a snake-woman, enchanting Rishi Kapoor in THE supernatural snake drama. YOU HAVE TO WATCH THIS ONE.

Nigahen: Inferior sequel to Nagina, saved only by the studliness of Sunny Deol as THE SNAKE BOY. Warning: Anupam Kher is REALLY annoying.

Prem Shakti: This was actually the first nagin film I ever saw, and so retains a special place in my heart. IT IS CRACKTASTIC. Also: CHICHI! Also: Chichi's snake dance will always be my favourite, above and beyond Sridevi. FOREVER.

Naag Panchami: Shashikala plays the crazyass queen of Naglok, the realm of the snakes, hell bent on wreaking vengeance on poor Prithviraj Kapoor because he refuses to worship her. This is one of the best, most entertaining films I have EVER SEEN.

I only have one snake film left on my shelf unwatched and unwritten up, but it's THE snake film: Nagin. I saved it especially for the Fessssssstival!

Because I know that probably won't be enough snaky goodness to satisfy my cravingssss, I'm thinking maybe I can justify ordering like, a billion Jeetendra films (OH MY NOT EVEN SECRET LOVE FOR JEETU) in the name of Nag Panchami? Yes/yes? This awesome post suggests I am on the right track.

Don't Make Your Daughter Marry A Gang Rapist

2011-07-31T19:41:00.000+12:00

Naya Khoon (Rajat Rakshit, 1990)

No Subtitles Sunday! I haven't done one of these for ages and I have SO MANY Govinda VCDs just begging to be watched (hello neglected Govinda Project).

How could I abandon this face?

I'm kind of tempted to just publish the unedited notes I made as I watched, given this film was INCREDIBLY hard for me to follow (also – you can see then exactly how I watch movies. Yeah, that's how I'll justify it) . Normally without subs you can still get the gist of what's going on pretty easily: this one was all over the place, pretty light on action or anything obvious moving the plot forward and so dialogue heavy that it took a lot of concentration to get what I did. Yeah...not my favourite Chichi film so far, but THE FIRST SONG MAKES UP FOR EVERYTHING.Because it's FREAKING AWESOME and Chichi looks like THIS:

*drool*

The basic story for those who don't want to read the mad ramble that follows:

Govinda and Mandakini play Anand and Seema, doctors from different sides of the tracks who fall in love. Seema's brother Vikram (Raza Murad) is dodgy as, though, and in addition to secretly impregnating one of Anand's friends, is wrapped up in a scheme manufacturing dodgy medicine with some other doctors, including Dr Anil Verma (Gulshan Grover) whom he wants Seema to marry. To sabotage Anand and Seema's love, Vikram starts poisoning Anand's patients with dodgy medicine and tries to push Seema and Anil closer together.

Please note: Chichi as a doctor is also bahut appealing:

Shallow? Yes, but THIS FILM WAS PRETTY BORING. And Chichi is smokin'.

Now: the film as I watched it! Spoiler alert – sort of – bearing in mind that I really had NO IDEA what was going on sometimes so could have interpreted everything way crazily wrong.

Naya khoon

within 2 minutes Govinda is kicking ass

set up seems to be a bunch of alcoholic goondas led by Gulshan Grover causing trouble – at opening they are hauling people out of their houses, which Govinda protests as illegal

then they start harrassing a girl, which Mandakini (Seema?) witnesses AND KICKS BUTT.

Not only does she take on 4 hopped up rowdies and KICK THEIR ASS, when they flee in their car, she grabs hold of the bumper and gets dragged along behind so she can haul herself on top of the moving car, all so she can KICK IN THEIR WINDSCREEN.

She gets them all arrested but this seems like it's a bad thing for her because one of them, Inderjeet, is an MP's son, and bahut influential, so she'll be a target now. Obvs. And I think there is a lot of talk of bribing the girl (Geeta?) (the one who they tried to gang rape) to not testify – they mention panch hazaar rupees a lot to Seema, and she looks really not impressed and everyone else is like, smiling, trying to convince her. THERE IS SOME KIND OF BRIBERY GOING ON.

Is Seema a lawyer or something? She is freaking KICK ASS. Because THE GIRL TESTIFIES and so does Seema and there's this long monologue from the judge and he says ….PANCH PANCH HAZAAR RUPAIYE at the end so...maybe it's compensation they were talking about. The crims look really unimpressed now. OH they're OFF TO JAIL is why!

The choice of font for the titles pleases me.

12 MINUTES IN AND THE TITLES STILL HAVEN'T FINISHED.

So...Seema and Govinda are at medical college. Seema's a DOCTOR? And so is Govinda? Wouldn't have picked that. IN A BILLION YEARS.

Meet-cute with a mirror,

for no real reason except to establish Seema's supposed to perform in the SUPER CONVENIENTLY PLACED charity show in like, 5 minutes...and so is Govinda! Govinda can dance, and SAVES HER ROUTINE when Seema's partner hurts himself (and Chichi also happens to know the routine and have a costume handy). LOLZ. (also, it's breathtaking OMG THIS DANCE IS THE AWESOMEST I WATCHED IT THREE TIMES IN A ROW).

Clearly these guys are cosmically fated because of their mad dancing abilities.

Um and then they maybe have sex. Because at the end of the dance it cuts randomly to you know, THOSE SHOTS OF FLOWERS

and then Govinda and Mandakini drinking the same drink through two straws.

And sitting cosily under a tree. WE ALL KNOW THE CODE BY NOW.

Okay. Let me get this straight.

Govinda = Anand – his dad is dead? Poor? He lives with relatives? He is a doctor who a) lives in a slum and b) is totally the nicest guy ever and sets up a mobile charity hospital and c) has MAD DANCE SKILLZ and d) does wear extremely tight pants and e) maybe accidentally killed someone with dodgy pharmaceuticals but didn't seem to suffer any personal or professional consequences (e.g. there was no dramatic court case, I think he just started getting suspicious of The Dodgy Pharmaceuticals and ultimately traced them to Seema's wicked brother, VP).

Vikram a.k.a VP = that guy I always hate in things = Seema's sleazy brother who hooks up with a string of chicks and is an alcoholic and is friends with rowdies and involved in the manufacture of pharmaceuticals.

This guy is in it WAY too much. Also he's half naked WAY too much.

Sapna = refuses to sleep with VP before marriage. But then I think he's all like, OH NO, we'll TOTALLY get married, I LOVE YOU and so they do it, and she gets pregnant, and he drops her like a hot potato, she disappears and comes back to town with a son. AND COMPLICATION ALERT: by this time, Anand and Seema are totally in love, but Anand and Sapna know each other from way back, she helped him out it seems (he's poor) by giving him money for his fees for medical school? Did I imagine that part? Oh also Sapna talked to Anand in the middle of the night while VP was waiting in the car and Anand got angry, so maybe he knew all along that she was pregnant with VP's child. Anyway VP hates Anand. Anyway, when Sapna gets sick from the dodgy pharmaceuticals (???) (or is she just like, really stressed out?) that Anil and Vikram are producing and she says to take her child to Anand, Seema is all like OMG IS THE BABY ANAND'S? and that misunderstanding spirals out of control.That's totally what Vikram wants because he hates Anand because he is poor, and he wants Seema to marry Anil who is sleazy and rich and a criminal – but also a doctor. Seema eventually finds a letter from Sapna to Anand wishing him a happy Raksha Bandan with a rakhi in it for him, AWWWW. End of misunderstanding.

Kindly old guy that was in Albela as the half Indian half Swiss dude = Seema and VP's rich, kindly benevolent dad who has something to do with factories but who has INCREDIBLY poor judgement about people.

He just realised how crap his judgement is.

Gulshan Grover = Anil who is also a doctor like Seema and Anand. He was involved in the gang rape attempt at the start but he ran off so Seema didn't know he was involved. VP wants Seema to marry Anil because he is rich and crooked like VP. Lead gang rapist, head drug guy. Oh yeah, comedy track is how a transexual called Chameli is after him for the whole film.

CLIMAX: at a fancy party

So...Seema is KICKASS again when her dumbass dad and evil brother try and arrange her marriage to Anil. First she totally sabotages it by maybe acting a little crazy or something, then claiming to know karate? I don't know exactly but she was in crazy attack mode: then she was all like GUESS WHAT I'm NEVER MARRYING THIS GUY, DORKS. And brings out Geeta! The girl from the rape case at the very start! And SHE is all like “YEAH, ANIL WAS THERE TOO you guys but he ran off before the police came and let the other three take all the blame but guess what, Kindly Benevolent Factory Owner guy, YOU WANT YOUR DAUGHTER TO MARRY A GANG RAPIST!”

So Gulshan Grover is all “Yeh jhoot bola!” and Mandakini is all like ''Oh, LYING AM I DOUCHENOZZLE?” and in comes INDERJEET! The MP's son gang rapist from the start, who tells Gulshan Grover's folks and Kindly Old Benevolent Bad Judge of Character guy that “I took the rap and went to prison BUT HE WAS THE FREAKING RINGLEADER AND I HATE HIS GUTS NOW BECAUSE MAN, I used to call him Guru and what a douchebag don't make your daughter marry a gangrapist btw k bye”

Then Govinda turns up to kick Vikram's ass for promising to marry Sapna and getting her pregnant and abandoning her instead, and basically at this point everyone gets disowned or arrested.

HAPPYS ENDING

This was not cracktastic

2011-07-30T21:22:00.000+12:00

Aayirathil Oruvan (Selvaraghavan, 2010)

See, here's the thing. I ordered Aayirathil Oruvan based on two (as usual) fairly shallow reasons:

I had recently seen Paiyaa (which is one of those films I actually ADORE and tried to write up and couldn't because it was just too hard to translate my breathless inner sighs of joy into something coherent, so essentially, don't hold your breath for a review of that one) and have decided that Karthi may just be the guy to accomplish what Vikram couldn't, and get me actually consistently wanting to watch Indian films made outside of Mumbai. Karthi is my gateway drug into South Indian cinema, y'all! I LOVE HIM.

Southie boyfraaaand #1
My Tamil friend and pretty much the only person I know in real life who ACTUALLY UNDERSTANDS my “strange Bollywood hobby” told me that I would like this film for the “bad special effects and the zombies” (see, he obviously 'gets' me).

So I watched Aayirathil Oruvan...and it wasn't really what I was expecting (if you guessed I was anticipating some kind of cracked out zombie fest you'd be right, and if this kind of film exists in Indian cinema, by the way, please point me towards it, because I'm still up for cracktastic Indian zombie shenanigans). There's certainly a scene that could be interpreted as the highly anticipated “Tamil zombie fest”, along with scenes, from very early on, of graphic violence, cannibalism, along with a whole lot of dark magical peril (a booby-trapped desert, a village filled with snakes, killer sea creatures, spectres haunting enchanted ruins). But this film actually becomes a lot more horrifying and harrowing when it leaves the fantastical realm and addresses the real atrocities human beings callously and cruelly inflict in the name of selfish greed, or patriotism, or history, or just because they have power and other people don't. I'll get to this though.

Aayirathil Oruvan (which translates to “One in a Thousand”) is ostensibly a fantasy/historical epic, its narrative based in Tamil history.

It begins with the backstory:

The Cholas and Pandyas are two of the four ancient Tamil dynasties that ruled South India. In 1279 A.D. as the last great Chola dynasty is collapsing and the Pandya empire rises to take control, driving the Cholas out of their own territory, the Chola emperor sends his son and the Chola people to a secret location to hide them and ensure that the dynasty lives on. The Chola people take with them an idol that is sacred to the Pandyas. Though the enraged Pandyan army search every location, the Cholas, along with the stolen idol, seem to have vanished forever, waiting, as legend has it, for the day when a saviour will appear to them to lead them out of hiding.

Skip forward a few centuries to the present day, and people are still searching for the, now legendary, hidden Chola kingdom. Every person that has gone looking for it - based on ancient clues left by the original Pandyan soldiers seeking the hidden city - mysteriously vanishes. The latest person to go missing is an archaeologist: Chandramouli (Pratap Pothan) -so a search and rescue mission, to find both the missing archaeologist and the fabled lost city of the Cholas is organised by the Indian Government. The mission is led by Ravishekaran (Azhagam Perumal), a violent, aggressive Army officer, aided by driven, no-nonsense Anitha (Reemma Senn), an officer who soon reveals ulterior motives for wanting to find the Cholas; Chandramouli's estranged daughter Lavanya (Andrea Jeremiah) is recruited for her specialist archaelogical and historical knowledge of the Cholas and Pandyas. As the search and rescue mission turns far darker and more violent than it initially seemed, with the Army dropping like flies, circumstances throw an easygoing, MGR obsessed coolie, Muthu (Karthi) into the group against his will.

I'm a sucker for stories with an element of destiny about them, and so AO automatically won points for the thread of ''inevitability'' woven through the story – as the group face a variety of traps laid for them by the Cholas designed to prevent them from ever reaching the hidden kingdom, it is gradually revealed in flashes that no matter what the Army, or the individuals in the group do, their actions seem predetermined: everything that is happening seems to be happening in line with some greater plan. The question is: will they find the Chola kingdom, and what will happen when they do? If everything they are doing is destined, then what does the legend of the saviour mean, and could it be one of them?

Okay so here's the thing: yes, there are several scenes where the “epic” special effects are kind of...shoddy, and it's not cracktastically hilarious, it's just kind of...crappy. Yes, there were actually a few (okay several) moments in the film where the narrative veered from complicated and convoluted into...woah, just confusing. But I still really enjoyed this film, for a few reasons.

1. KARTHI!

So it's only the second film I've seen him in, but honestly, after Paiyaa, in which he kind of exudes irresistable cheeky charm (and if there's one thing I can't resist, it's a hero with swagger... ISN'T IT, SHOTGUN?), I'm kind of impressed with my guy. He starts out with the same cocky bluster

but gets to show a little bit more range: it's not long before Muthu's charming veneer is cracked when he is thrown into the middle of a bloody conflict he isn't prepared for: as a coolie, not a soldier, he reacts like anyone would: he's terrified, he's shocked and traumatised by the horrific, cut-throat violence he witnesses, and at several points in the film he breaks down completely.

I don't want to say too much about it, but there's a sort of psychological element to the film I found really fascinating – at several points the perspective switches from a third person, omniscient view to specifically seeming to reflect the point of view of individuals – significantly Muthu as his grasp on reality wavers.

2. YOU KNOW I AM A SUCKER FOR INTERTEXTUALITY

I know next to nothing about South Indian cinema but the choice to make Karthi's character a die-hard MGR fan

doesn't just seem like a random quirk, or a mere reference to MGR's film of the same name. From what I can tell (thank you Wikipedia!) MGR was highly revered as both an actor and a political leader = qualities that Karthi's character in AO ends up embodying. Early on Muthu sings an old MGR song (maybe from the MGR Aayirathil Oruvan, I don't know?) that seems to foreshadow his destiny with the Cholas:

3. THE HORRIFYING DARKNESS

It seems wrong to say I ''enjoyed'' the film for how it plunged into actually deeply upsetting territory, but I hope you know what I mean. There was an unexpected substance to this film, beyond the skeletons and cannibals and zombies and black magic...but this is where I have to point out that every review you will read of this film will contain something along the lines of “this film is not for the faint-hearted”.

And here's another one for good measure:

THIS FILM IS NOT FOR THE FAINT HEARTED. Really.

When the reviews say that, they're not talking about the fantastical horror movie stuff – a possessed Karthi's eyes rolling back in his head as he claws bloody lines into his own face;

the legions of roiling snakes attacking a village,

not even the maniacal, brutal, graphic massacres depicted between primitive, possibly bewitched villagers and the modern-day Indians searching for the Cholas.

What is deeply upsetting to watch – and here is the biggest SPOILER ALERT – are the atrocities committed by the Indian Army, headed by Anitha, once the Cholas are discovered and taken prisoner.

Apparently the director of the film has stated that there is no correlation between the horrific scenes of molestation and rape, torture and neglect and murder of the prisoners shown in the film and any historical, real life incident, but it is hard to watch and not be horrified and deeply distressed. You can watch it yourself and draw your own real world parallels – I know what I think it might be about; I also could be way off the mark.

It's decidedly NOT a cracktastic zombie film - while it's far from perfect, it's certainly entertaining and disturbing in equal measure.

Ab Kya Hoga?

2011-07-19T21:18:00.001+12:00

Ab Kya Hoga? (Sawaan Kumar Tak, 1977)

Ab Kya Hoga is an AWESOMELY INSANE GHOSTLY REINCARNATION STALKER THRILLER (it's a genre I just made up and MAYBE this is the only movie in that section) about what happens when super successful businessman Ram Sinha (Shatrughan Sinha) is forced against his will to marry Chitralekha (Neetu Singh), a woman who he believes is (and who actually really seems to be) a ghost who is out to kill him. Naturally, his best friend (Asrani) and his family don't believe him for a second, so poor beleagured Ram – who sees murderous, ghostly visions of Chitralekha following him wherever he goes – is forced to go to a psychologist and a holy man to try and cure his apparent paranoia and mend his marriage.

That pretty much is the entire plot, but believe me when I say it goes kind of batshit crazy towards the end and that basically, NOTHING THAT HAPPENS IN THIS FILM MAKES ANY SENSE. It's awesome.

You better KNOW I love me some Shotgun, some lurid melodrama...and after the glory of Jaani Dushman, a good Bollywood horror story. The night I watched Ab Kya Hoga? (What Happens Now?) my little part of the country was experiencing some of the worst thunderstorms in LIVING MEMORY: and let me tell you – even the cheesiest, shoddiest, most unrealistically melodramatic ghost story becomes sort of genuinely creepy when your entire house is shaking with every booming thunderclap and lightning is flashing every few minutes.

But really, my excessive joy in this film lies in

1. SHOTGUN! THE SHEER UNADULTERATED GLORY OF SHOTGUN!

JUST LOOK AT HIS TIE!

He is my swaggering melodramatic filmi boyfraaaaaand forever, y'all, and JUST LOOK HOW BUSY AND IMPORTANT HE IS:

I am intrigued by the shape the map artist gave Australia.

when he isn't being EXTREMELY DRAMATIC (which is actually 85% of the film = ridiculous dramatic statements declaimed with characteristic SWAGGER)

PLUS: heads up fangirls! Maybe I'm actually just writing this review as a letter to myself because I can't really imagine anyone deriving as much pleasure from Ab Kya Hoga? as I did but: KICKASS CLIMACTIC DISHOOM FIGHT OF AWESOME featuring THIS:

He's gonna CUT YOU BITCHES.

SWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON. Shatru, will you be my boyfraaaaaaand forever and ever?

2. Neetu taking a break from the perky, pigtailed, fun kickass girl roles I usually see her in in favour of WAFTING ABOUT MYSTERIOUSLY IN THE MIST,

Not the most enlightened feminist role either.

carrying props with ominous, significant titles,

and you know, just chilling in graveyards...

...WHEN SHE'S NOT TRYING TO ENTICE SHATRU TO BOINK HER!

(To be fair, Neetu, I'd behave exactly the same way).

3. I don't know anything about Tumblr but I'm kind of tempted to start one called “My Maa Says Nahiiin!”

Ehhhh...Aunt, Maa, same diffs.

Jaani Dushman

2011-07-03T19:23:00.002+12:00

So this week is the second annual Shameful Pleasures Week (spearheaded by the delightful Rum): the opportunity to sit down and specifically celebrate the films that are maybe objectively not so great - or even TERRIBLE - but which we adore all the same; films that other people may scorn, but which we embrace wholeheartedly.

How is this different from any other week here on the blog, you may be asking? Yeah...you probably have a point. Quite often the films I enjoy the most are the ones frequently scoffed at by others as kitschy trash.

Jaani Dushman (Raj Kumar Kohli, 1979)

Jaani Dushman is EPIC. Forget Burning Train – that's amateur hour. Almost everyone you can possibly think of is in this film: Sunil Dutt, Sanjeev Kumar, my boyfraaaaands Shatrughan Sinha and Jeetendra, a heavily disguised Vinod Mehra (seriously, it took me an embarrassingly long time to recognise him),

...he's normally such a handsome man!

Amrish Puri and a gratifyingly brief blink and you'll miss him appearance from Shakti Kapoor; plus working it for the laydeez: Rekha, Neetu Singh, Reena Roy, Aruna Irani and Sarika.

And that's not even ALL! This film is so heavy on star-power it's actually unbelievable. OH YEAH MAC MOHAN!

With such an enormous cast, the credits fascinate me – half of the bigger stars like Rekha and Neetu Singh are billed as special or guest appearances DESPITE BEING IN THE FILM FOR THE ENTIRETY (or for significant chunks). My dulaara Jeetu gets the awesome special appearance credit “above all”

like he's a super special guest star, yet – he's third romantic hero, from what I can tell, to Sunil Dutt and Shotgun, who are billed second and third to Sanjeev Kumar. How does Bollywood billing work? I thought I had a handle on it, but it's clearly a fraught, complicated political business. I also get the feeling that Jaani Dushman in no way represents the high point of anybody's career. Even though it's freaking awesome.

Anyway. All I really need to say about this film is that it's a late-70s Bollywood horror movie. Just ponder that for a moment. Think of how well things like...tiger wrestling or live snakes are often conveyed through 70s special effects (here's a hint: not well) and now apply that to WEREWOLVES.

Has the mere thought taken your breath away? JAANI DUSHMAN IS A BAD SPECIAL EFFECTS EXTRAVAGANZA! And I freaking LOVED EVERY SECOND OF IT! I loved it entirely unironically, in the way you admire someone's ambition and can see what they set out to achieve and can't fault them for maybe achieving the opposite effect to what they intended (e.g. the werewolf is hilarious instead of terrifying). It's still awesome. I love that nobody ever said “You know what? Maybe a werewolf is too hard. Or maybe we shouldn't SHOW it”.

But Jaani Dushman plays that hand early on.

JAZZ HANDS!

An extended prologue neatly explains the history and mythology behind the monster in this film's tale. Though I've been calling it a werewolf because the afflicted character grows fur and claws, and looks like THIS:

the monster of Jaani Dushman is actually a vengeful ghost who can possess living humans, causing them to transform into a werewolf-like creature and unknowingly commit murders.

But there's some other cool horror movie stuff thrown in there too. Characters have prophetic dreams and visions, lurk in the corners watching each other dressed in bizarre, creepy disguises, speak in riddles and lies and they all have dark secrets. So much of the film ends up being kind of predictable if you've ever seen a horror film or remotely used even a tiny portion of your brain; yet there were several random twists I NEVER saw coming.

Once we know how the monster works the story gets underway in a little rural village in a remote valley, seemingly under some kind of curse because whenever a girl from the village gets married, the bride vanishes from the doli – seemingly into thin air - during the procession to the temple. The highly respected Thakur (Sanjeev Kumar) can do nothing, partly because of his crippling aversion to red bridal clothing (because of the traumatic suicide of his sister on her wedding day).

Gaping plothole number 1: you're the boss of the village. Red bridal wear traumatises you. Just make a freaking rule banning it. BOOM! No more embarrassing freak-outs.

The Thakur even out-emos Jeetu. WHICH IS AMAZING.

His good for nothing, arrogant son Shera (Shatrughan Sinha) soon becomes suspect number one after pissing off nearly everybody in the village, except for Champa (Rekha) who loves him. Shera's biggest rival Lakhan (Sunil Dutt) makes it his business to find out who is kidnapping the brides once and for all.

Honestly? The bulk of the film is taken up with the various romantic entanglements leading up to the inevitable doomed marriages (come on, the brides have to get kidnapped after all) and macho posturing between Shera and Lakhan as to who has the bigger...uh...boots (involving a tug of war that is cracktastically ridiculously dangerous).

I don't want to mislead anyone and be all like “THIS IS THREE HOURS OF SHITTY WEREWOLVES!” because it really isn't. For the most part, it's like any other Hindi romance starring Shatrughan Sinha and Jeetu: there's a lot of swagger and hilarious Shotgun overacting – OH SHOTGUN MY CRUSH ON YOU IS BIGGER THAN EVER especially when you match your jacket to your boots;

Shotgun and Reena's characters aren't paired onscreen because if they had been, you get the feeling the already palpable chemistry would have SET FIRE TO THE FILM; Jeetu gets to do most of the dancing and I don't care what anyone says, I think him and Neetu together are THE SWEETEST COUPLE EVER;

Jeetu bares his chest for THE ENTIRE TIME he is onscreen (beeeeefcake) and also weirdly manages to channel Peter Pan in his outfit;

Jeetu gets really over the top melodramatically emo (but disappointingly, no crazy eyes from him this time).

I love all that stuff. I genuinely feel good watching that. It's like comfort food.

But also you can't beat seeing Amrish Puri as a werewolf by way of the Exorcist, head swivelling 180 degrees.

It's a certain kind of pleasure.

Guzaarish

2011-06-18T10:36:00.000+12:00

Guzaarish (Sanjay Leela Bhansali, 2010)

Here's how I approached Guzaarish: with trepidation.

For one thing, I've never been the biggest fan of SLB as a director – his films are undeniably beautiful but I've inevitably found the emphasis on shimmering opulence or perfect composition frame by frame distracting, especially when perfecting the overall 'look' sometimes seems to mean the narrative takes a backseat. And Hrithik? I started out adoring the man, but as my Indian cinema horizons broadened, my love for Hrithik faded a little, and recently I haven't been 'feeling' him much at all. Some red flag at the back of my mind warned me of all the times I've seen Hrithik emote: earnest is the first word that comes to mind; Koi Mil Gaya is the next thing I think of.

But let's face it: for a while there was a period that seemed like FOREVER when all any of the gossip sites talked about was Hrithik's horrifying Guzaarish beard and weight gain, the seriousness with which he was approaching his role (or conversely his difficult behaviour – rolling up to set late and hungover) – so how could I not be a tiny bit curious? Even if it turned out to be exactly what I expected, at the very worst, that just meant Guzaarish would be excessively beautiful and earnest.

Guzaarish opens with the protagonist, Ethan Mascarenhas (Hrithik Roshan) sunnily broadcasting his regular radio show, “Radio Zindagi” (Life Radio). Though Ethan, a former stage magician, has been a quadriplegic for 14 years - since part of his magic act went horribly wrong - he doesn't publicly express frustration at his situation, instead writing uplifting books and dispensing positive, apparently lifechanging advice over the airwaves. Ethan is seemingly endlessly, smilingly positive for his small group of friends/employees: his lawyer; his doctor, and his nurse, Sofia (Aishwarya Rai-Bachchan).

So all of them are blindsided when sunny, smiling Ethan announces he wants to go to court and request legal permission to end his own life.

Here's what I liked about Guzaarish:

The substantial themes: euthanasia isn't the sunniest or most commercial of topics for a mainstream film but the way it's addressed in Guzaarish gives a lot of food for thought – not just “what would I do in that situation?” but about broader, universal, big things, like...you know, “what does it really mean to love someone?” I wasn't really prepared for this film to be quite as deeply affecting as it ended up being – I've been thinking about various aspects of it for a few days, and I cried a whole lot watching it. Just a heads-up to the sensitive souls among you.
Hrithik. Hrithik surprised me, SO much, in his portrayal of Ethan – a man trapped in a decaying body, in a decaying house, forced to fight not only the law, but the people who claim to love him for the right over his own life. Instead of the shallow, naïve earnestness I had feared, Hrithik's Ethan is a complex character – outwardly positive and optimistic about the situation he is in, but gradually revealing (mainly through his relationship with Sofia) the bitterness and frustration he feels, the loneliness of having countless people say they love him enough to want him to live, but none who love him enough to understand why he wants to have the right to die.

Hrithik has always been a very physical actor, and with that ability to express himself through movement removed, he expresses a lot through his posture, eyes and facial expressions. This is one of his most restrained and finest acting performances.
Aishwarya. My favourite moments in Guzaarish - amid all the overload of SLB's artistic vision - are the small, human moments of connection between the lonely-but-pretending-to-be-positive Ethan, and his loyal, possibly in love with him nurse Sofia, who disguises her feelings behind a rigid mask of brisk, stern professionalism. Sofia initially comes across as cold and clinical, Ethan as irritatingly upbeat. But both of the central characters have more going on than that revealed largely in the moments between Aish and Hrithik when they can both let their characters be vulnerable and betray just how well these two – Ethan and Sofia – know each other's foibles. One of the loveliest scenes in the film is when Sofia purposely lets down her strict professional defenses to try and make Ethan laugh when he is at his most despondent: she transforms from uptight, buttoned down nurse to a glowing, loving, flirtatious woman, and she really is breathtaking.

I just love the stunned mullet look on Hrithik's face.

...and the excellently timed subtitles (from the song) matching Aditya Roy Kapur's expression.

All because Aish starts rocking the air drums.

The sad thing is – all of that – all the stuff I liked in this film – seems like it's entirely accidental because of that one thing I KNEW would be a problem: Sanjay Leela Bhansali's apparent need to make every film look like a piece of moving art-work, some theatrical masterpiece. Telling a story, it seems, is not so important to SLB as making sure everyone/everything LOOKS good in the process.

So go direct a remake of Dil Toh Pagal Hai, which is essentially fluff. Don't waste a decent narrative and at least two good performances JUST TO ULTIMATELY MESS IT ALL UP.

Things that took the shine off Guzaarish for me and are hard to ignore:

Why is everyone dressed in a way that suggests a period film when the setting is apparently modern day? (it wasn't just me; a costume designer was watching snippets with me and thought the same thing).

MISLEADING because NOBODY DRESSES LIKE THIS TODAY

I swear to god, I seriously thought this film was set in like the 1950s until Hrithik told someone to send him an SMS.

Lightbulb moment (ABOUT HALFWAY THROUGH THE FILM!)

Please don't tell me Goa looks like that, because IT DOESN'T IN ANY OTHER FILM I HAVE EVER SEEN SET IN GOA. And I get that a designer can set a 'look' for a film, but usually it has some discernible relevance to something. With SLB's films, I can never figure it out.
I hate watching stage magic on film as a rule anyway because the magical element is gone when there's always the doubt that digital trickery is involved. When my flatmate (who is a stage magician) does sleight of hand tricks in front of me, even though logically I know how they're done, it's still hard to convince myself that magic ISN'T real. In Guzaarish, SLB can't leave well enough alone and stick to presenting an illusion the way it's designed (the way you'd see it in real life if you went to a magic show and were sitting in the audience); he goes ALL OUT to make the illusions seem more impressive by CGI-ing them up the wazoo. I FREAKING HATED THE MAGIC SEGMENTS IN THIS FILM and sure, that might just be a personal thing the same way I hated how they “put on a show” to save a venue in Aaja Nachle. It's one of the times my real life intrudes to stop me from suspending my disbelief. Because I know enough about magic, and have seen enough GOOD magicians to know I don't like magic CGI'd – badly – up the wazoo.

This = UNNECESSARY, SLB.
the worst, WORST, most shallow, illogical, badly written courtroom scene in any film I have ever seen. If there's one scene that ruins this film, it's the courtroom scene. There's no excuse, in this day and age, for a scene to be this poorly written when even Joe Average off the street can watch any of the dozens of crime procedural shows on TV and have a basic grasp of “movie law”. Instead, we – the audience – are insulted with a juvenile slanging match between impotent cardboard cut-out characters that has no resemblance to ANYTHING judicial.
Given such little attention was apparently paid to the story side of things, it's hardly a surprise that the narrative structure kind of falls to bits in the 2^nd half especially – with a parade of supporting players flitting in and out in episodes that are unnecessary or ill timed. It didn't bother me so much that new characters were entering the story – what bothered me was that their entire purpose was to show up to illustrate an element of Sofia's backstory, or something about Ethan's past – and then they'd vanish again. It's just really clunky storytelling, not to mention unnecessary – those same things could have been illustrated effectively without the jarring lurch into episodic territory.

I don't really know what else to say about Guzaarish. It's sort of 2 films – half restrained and subtle (relatively speaking), complex and deep; half OTT, in your face sensory overload, messages broadcasted loud and clear VISUAL SPECTACLE. And clearly I'm torn about it – parts of it I love, and parts of it I loathe. Maybe I'm tending more towards the love – at least when there's complication, there's something to think about. Even if it's just “Oh Sanjay, WHY DID YOU DO IT LIKE THAT?”

Salaam Bombay

2011-06-07T20:22:00.005+12:00

Salaam Bombay (Mira Nair, 1989)

Salaam Bombay is the story of a young boy – Krishna (Shafiq Syed) who works odd jobs with a travelling circus. Sent on a trivial errand one day by the circus manager, Krishna returns to discover the circus has packed up and moved on without him, leaving him behind. Krishna uses what little money he has to buy a train ticket to the nearest (cheapest) destination, which turns out to be Bombay. “Come back a film star” the ticket agent tells him.

In Bombay, Krishna gets a job as a teaboy for a chai concession stand and spends his days ferrying chai round the red light district, earning himself the nickname “Chaipau” from the drugdealers, prostitutes and other streetkids that come to make up his surrogate family. The rest of the film documents Krishna's life in Bombay – the relationships he forms, the daily hurdles he faces, the moments of happiness and humanity and compassion, even amid the grime and noise and daily grind of the city, that Krishna encounters, and the struggle he has to save Rs500 so he can finally go home.

Salaam Bombay hurts to watch in places. It actually, physically hurts. There are parts of this film that are so raw, and so real, than even days later I'm still thinking about them.

Like the poignant letter the illiterate Krishna dictates to be sent to his parents.

This is no glamourous, polished, idealised version of life on the streets - the film is scripted, but filmed documentary style – every location is real, and in many cases hidden cameras were used to better capture authentic street/crowd scenes featuring real public. Only a handful of the uniformly exceptional cast were experienced actors (notably Nana Patekar as Baba, Aneeta Kanwar as Rekha, Raghuvir Yadav as Chillum, and Shaukat Azmu as the Madame – also keep an eye out for a very young Irrfan Khan as the scribe who takes down Krishna's letter, and Shashi Kapoor's daughter Sanjna Kapoor in a small role as a reporter).

So fresh-faced!

Sanjna is credited as "the journalist at Baba's'' and was TECHNICALLY the first of the women born into the Kapoor family (before Lolo and Bebo) to venture into films. But her foray into acting was very, VERY brief.

The street kids were played by actual street kids who participated in a special workshop pre-filming (apparently partly to teach them how to act naturally; they were performing too melodramatically having seen their share of Bollywood films); the prostitutes are real prostitutes.

The Bombay of Bollywood films is a dream factory, a city where people go to make their wildest fantasies come true. A plucky village girl can become a supermodel; a lonely writer can become a star journalist AND find love. Anyone can become a film star, so long as it's cosmically destined.

The Bombay Salaam Bombay presents offers a different picture: the city is a jungle where only the wily survive, so harden your heart.

There's a theme that runs through the movie about sorting out the truth from the illusion – Baba (Nana Patekar) makes a habit, it seems, of making empty promises to the naïve young prostitutes when they enter the brothel, claiming he will take them away from ''this life'' as soon as he has saved a little money. Chillum (Raghuvir Yadav) prefers the dreamy, illusory escape offered by heroin to his everyday existence. Rekha (Anita Kanwar) kids herself that a brothel is an ideal home for her tiny daughter Manju (Hansa Vithal). And Krishna – or Chaipau, nobody even calls him by his name in the big bad city – clings to the illusion that one day he can go home.

But there's joy and warmth and laughter too. Even amid the grim, mundane, gloomy realities of the street, Mira Nair imbues Salaam Bombay with abundant colour and a sense that, although life is tough, these characters survive, not least because even in the darkest moments compassion and humanity peek through. Krishna and Manju dancing exuberantly together to Mera Naam Chin Chin Chu made me smile SO HARD;

And in fact, every time Manju was onscreen she was absolutely radiant.

Krishna hauling a strung-out Chillum up off the street made me sob.

I remember seeing Monsoon Wedding and wondering what the fuss was about (honestly, really not a fan) but after seeing this film which has rocketed its way to the top of my all time favourites list I may have to give it a second chance.