Guzaarish

Guzaarish (Sanjay Leela Bhansali, 2010) 

 

Here's how I approached Guzaarish: with trepidation.

For one thing, I've never been the biggest fan of SLB as a director – his films are undeniably beautiful but I've inevitably found the emphasis on shimmering opulence or perfect composition frame by frame distracting, especially when perfecting the overall 'look' sometimes seems to mean the narrative takes a backseat. And Hrithik? I started out adoring the man, but as my Indian cinema horizons broadened, my love for Hrithik faded a little, and recently I haven't been 'feeling' him much at all. Some red flag at the back of my mind warned me of all the times I've seen Hrithik emote: earnest is the first word that comes to mind; Koi Mil Gaya is the next thing I think of.

But let's face it: for a while there was a period that seemed like FOREVER when all any of the gossip sites talked about was Hrithik's horrifying Guzaarish beard and weight gain, the seriousness with which he was approaching his role (or conversely his difficult behaviour – rolling up to set late and hungover) – so how could I not be a tiny bit curious? Even if it turned out to be exactly what I expected, at the very worst, that just meant Guzaarish would be excessively beautiful and earnest.

Guzaarish opens with the protagonist, Ethan Mascarenhas (Hrithik Roshan) sunnily broadcasting his regular radio show, “Radio Zindagi” (Life Radio). Though Ethan, a former stage magician, has been a quadriplegic for 14 years - since part of his magic act went horribly wrong - he doesn't publicly express frustration at his situation, instead writing uplifting books and dispensing positive, apparently lifechanging advice over the airwaves. Ethan is seemingly endlessly, smilingly positive for his small group of friends/employees: his lawyer; his doctor, and his nurse, Sofia (Aishwarya Rai-Bachchan).

So all of them are blindsided when sunny, smiling Ethan announces he wants to go to court and request legal permission to end his own life.

Here's what I liked about Guzaarish:

• The substantial themes: euthanasia isn't the sunniest or most commercial of topics for a mainstream film but the way it's addressed in Guzaarish gives a lot of food for thought – not just “what would I do in that situation?” but about broader, universal, big things, like...you know, “what does it really mean to love someone?” I wasn't really prepared for this film to be quite as deeply affecting as it ended up being – I've been thinking about various aspects of it for a few days, and I cried a whole lot watching it. Just a heads-up to the sensitive souls among you. 
   
• Hrithik. Hrithik surprised me, SO much, in his portrayal of Ethan – a man trapped in a decaying body, in a decaying house, forced to fight not only the law, but the people who claim to love him for the right over his own life. Instead of the shallow, naïve earnestness I had feared, Hrithik's Ethan is a complex character – outwardly positive and optimistic about the situation he is in, but gradually revealing (mainly through his relationship with Sofia) the bitterness and frustration he feels, the loneliness of having countless people say they love him enough to want him to live, but none who love him enough to understand why he wants to have the right to die.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  Hrithik has always been a very physical actor, and with that ability to express himself through movement removed, he expresses a lot through his posture, eyes and facial expressions. This is one of his most restrained and finest acting performances.
  
  
• Aishwarya. My favourite moments in Guzaarish - amid all the overload of SLB's artistic vision - are the small, human moments of connection between the lonely-but-pretending-to-be-positive Ethan, and his loyal, possibly in love with him nurse Sofia, who disguises her feelings behind a rigid mask of brisk, stern professionalism. Sofia initially comes across as cold and clinical, Ethan as irritatingly upbeat. But both of the central characters have more going on than that revealed largely in the moments between Aish and Hrithik when they can both let their characters be vulnerable and betray just how well these two – Ethan and Sofia – know each other's foibles. One of the loveliest scenes in the film is when Sofia purposely lets down her strict professional defenses to try and make Ethan laugh when he is at his most despondent: she transforms from uptight, buttoned down nurse to a glowing, loving, flirtatious woman, and she really is breathtaking.

 I just love the stunned mullet look on Hrithik's face.

 ...and the excellently timed subtitles (from the song) matching Aditya Roy Kapur's expression.

All because Aish starts rocking the air drums.

 

The sad thing is – all of that – all the stuff I liked in this film – seems like it's entirely accidental because of that one thing I KNEW would be a problem: Sanjay Leela Bhansali's apparent need to make every film look like a piece of moving art-work, some theatrical masterpiece. Telling a story, it seems, is not so important to SLB as making sure everyone/everything LOOKS good in the process.

So go direct a remake of Dil Toh Pagal Hai, which is essentially fluff. Don't waste a decent narrative and at least two good performances JUST TO ULTIMATELY MESS IT ALL UP.

Things that took the shine off Guzaarish for me and are hard to ignore:

• Why is everyone dressed in a way that suggests a period film when the setting is apparently modern day? (it wasn't just me; a costume designer was watching snippets with me and thought the same thing).
  
  
  
   MISLEADING because NOBODY DRESSES LIKE THIS TODAY
  
  
  I swear to god, I seriously thought this film was set in like the 1950s until Hrithik told someone to send him an SMS.
  
  
  
   Lightbulb moment (ABOUT HALFWAY THROUGH THE FILM!)
  
  
  Please don't tell me Goa looks like that, because IT DOESN'T IN ANY OTHER FILM I HAVE EVER SEEN SET IN GOA. And I get that a designer can set a 'look' for a film, but usually it has some discernible relevance to something. With SLB's films, I can never figure it out.
  
  
• I hate watching stage magic on film as a rule anyway because the magical element is gone when there's always the doubt that digital trickery is involved. When my flatmate (who is a stage magician) does sleight of hand tricks in front of me, even though logically I know how they're done, it's still hard to convince myself that magic ISN'T real. In Guzaarish, SLB can't leave well enough alone and stick to presenting an illusion the way it's designed (the way you'd see it in real life if you went to a magic show and were sitting in the audience); he goes ALL OUT to make the illusions seem more impressive by CGI-ing them up the wazoo. I FREAKING HATED THE MAGIC SEGMENTS IN THIS FILM and sure, that might just be a personal thing the same way I hated how they “put on a show” to save a venue in Aaja Nachle. It's one of the times my real life intrudes to stop me from suspending my disbelief. Because I know enough about magic, and have seen enough GOOD magicians to know I don't like magic CGI'd – badly – up the wazoo. 
  
  
  
   This = UNNECESSARY, SLB. 
   
• the worst, WORST, most shallow, illogical, badly written courtroom scene in any film I have ever seen. If there's one scene that ruins this film, it's the courtroom scene. There's no excuse, in this day and age, for a scene to be this poorly written when even Joe Average off the street can watch any of the dozens of crime procedural shows on TV and have a basic grasp of “movie law”. Instead, we – the audience – are insulted with a juvenile slanging match between impotent cardboard cut-out characters that has no resemblance to ANYTHING judicial.
  
  
• Given such little attention was apparently paid to the story side of things, it's hardly a surprise that the narrative structure kind of falls to bits in the 2^nd half especially – with a parade of supporting players flitting in and out in episodes that are unnecessary or ill timed. It didn't bother me so much that new characters were entering the story – what bothered me was that their entire purpose was to show up to illustrate an element of Sofia's backstory, or something about Ethan's past – and then they'd vanish again. It's just really clunky storytelling, not to mention unnecessary – those same things could have been illustrated effectively without the jarring lurch into episodic territory.

I don't really know what else to say about Guzaarish. It's sort of 2 films – half restrained and subtle (relatively speaking), complex and deep; half OTT, in your face sensory overload, messages broadcasted loud and clear VISUAL SPECTACLE. And clearly I'm torn about it – parts of it I love, and parts of it I loathe. Maybe I'm tending more towards the love – at least when there's complication, there's something to think about. Even if it's just “Oh Sanjay, WHY DID YOU DO IT LIKE THAT?”

Salaam Bombay

Salaam Bombay (Mira Nair, 1989)

Salaam Bombay is the story of a young boy – Krishna (Shafiq Syed) who works odd jobs with a travelling circus. Sent on a trivial errand one day by the circus manager, Krishna returns to discover the circus has packed up and moved on without him, leaving him behind. Krishna uses what little money he has to buy a train ticket to the nearest (cheapest) destination, which turns out to be Bombay. “Come back a film star” the ticket agent tells him.

In Bombay, Krishna gets a job as a teaboy for a chai concession stand and spends his days ferrying chai round the red light district, earning himself the nickname “Chaipau” from the drugdealers, prostitutes and other streetkids that come to make up his surrogate family. The rest of the film documents Krishna's life in Bombay – the relationships he forms, the daily hurdles he faces, the moments of happiness and humanity and compassion, even amid the grime and noise and daily grind of the city, that Krishna encounters, and the struggle he has to save Rs500 so he can finally go home.

Salaam Bombay hurts to watch in places. It actually, physically hurts. There are parts of this film that are so raw, and so real, than even days later I'm still thinking about them.

 Like the poignant letter the illiterate Krishna dictates to be sent to his parents.

This is no glamourous, polished, idealised version of life on the streets - the film is scripted, but filmed documentary style – every location is real, and in many cases hidden cameras were used to better capture authentic street/crowd scenes featuring real public. Only a handful of the uniformly exceptional cast were experienced actors (notably Nana Patekar as Baba, Aneeta Kanwar as Rekha, Raghuvir Yadav as Chillum, and Shaukat Azmu as the Madame – also keep an eye out for a very young Irrfan Khan as the scribe who takes down Krishna's letter, and Shashi Kapoor's daughter Sanjna Kapoor in a small role as a reporter).

 So fresh-faced!

 Sanjna is credited as "the journalist at Baba's'' and was TECHNICALLY the first of the women born into the Kapoor family (before Lolo and Bebo) to venture into films. But her foray into acting was very, VERY brief.

The street kids were played by actual street kids who participated in a special workshop pre-filming (apparently partly to teach them how to act naturally; they were performing too melodramatically having seen their share of Bollywood films); the prostitutes are real prostitutes.

The Bombay of Bollywood films is a dream factory, a city where people go to make their wildest fantasies come true. A plucky village girl can become a supermodel; a lonely writer can become a star journalist AND find love. Anyone can become a film star, so long as it's cosmically destined.

The Bombay Salaam Bombay presents offers a different picture: the city is a jungle where only the wily survive, so harden your heart. 

There's a theme that runs through the movie about sorting out the truth from the illusion – Baba (Nana Patekar) makes a habit, it seems, of making empty promises to the naïve young prostitutes when they enter the brothel, claiming he will take them away from ''this life'' as soon as he has saved a little money. Chillum (Raghuvir Yadav) prefers the dreamy, illusory escape offered by heroin to his everyday existence. Rekha (Anita Kanwar) kids herself that a brothel is an ideal home for her tiny daughter Manju (Hansa Vithal). And Krishna – or Chaipau, nobody even calls him by his name in the big bad city – clings to the illusion that one day he can go home. 

 

But there's joy and warmth and laughter too. Even amid the grim, mundane, gloomy realities of the street, Mira Nair imbues Salaam Bombay with abundant colour and a sense that, although life is tough, these characters survive, not least because even in the darkest moments compassion and humanity peek through. Krishna and Manju dancing exuberantly together to Mera Naam Chin Chin Chu made me smile SO HARD;

 And in fact, every time Manju was onscreen she was absolutely radiant. 

Krishna hauling a strung-out Chillum up off the street made me sob. 

 

I remember seeing Monsoon Wedding and wondering what the fuss was about (honestly, really not a fan) but after seeing this film which has rocketed its way to the top of my all time favourites list I may have to give it a second chance.

It's scary how shallow I can be.

So, GOOD NEWS (depending on how you define good news)!

I found a film that I LOVE Shashi in. I think I found a way to heart the Shash!

But first, the background.

The Shashi Problem.

I've mentioned before (albeit briefly and kind of vaguely – even I can't really explain it properly in detail) the weird 'thing' I have with Shashi Kapoor. Shashi has always been the one Kapoor I've just never really “got”- while other people (HUNDREDS of other people! THOUSANDS of other people!) wax lyrical about the man, about his eyelashes and his voice and his adorable wonky teeth; about his curls, his dapper dress sense and ...actually I can't even keep making this list because I REALLY JUST DON'T GET WHAT PEOPLE LIKE ABOUT HIM.

Because the honest truth is that I own A CRAPLOAD of Shashi Kapoor films, like A WHOLE LOT, because for some reason I go through these weird cravings when I order a pile of Shashi films and then I just want to watch the man and...I guess test myself, which ALWAYS ENDS UP BEING AKIN TO POKING A SORE TOOTH REPEATEDLY AND ESSENTIALLY BEING UNABLE TO LEAVE WELL ENOUGH ALONE.

It inevitably ends with a film being switched off halfway through, and a feeling of intense dissatisfaction, because Shashi Kapoor, for whatever reason, IRRITATES THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUT OF ME 90 percent of the time*. He's too perky and “nice” and OMFG is it grating**. I swear to god, I've tried watching Pyar Kiya Jaa like 47 times, and IT ONLY MAKES ME ANGRY.

And it's ridiculous, because when I watched him receive that lifetime achievement award at the Filmfare Awards I TOTALLY CRIED and was SO SUPER EMOTIONAL ABOUT IT and it made no sense because HELLO, not even a fan, don't even know the guy, but BOY was I angry about Big B not even showing up. WHAT A DICK.

And when I was reading the Kapoor book (the Madhu Jain one, we've all read it, right?) it was Shashi who seemed like the coolest guy, the one guy from the family I would totally want to hang out with. WHICH MAKES ME FEEL BAD THAT I CAN'T EVEN GET THROUGH HALF HIS FILMS.

I know. I have issues. This is what I am referring to when I refer to The Shashi Problem.

Now: HOW I TURNED MY BACK ON ALL THAT CRAZY

Farz Ki Jung (R.P. Swamy, 1989)

Did you totally guess that the secret to Vanessa loving Shashi would be

a) Put him in a film alongside Govinda with a soundtrack by Bappi Lahiri (um? Hello? Made for me!)

b) Make it a masala-riffic 80s film (favourite decade!) complete with a fight in a godown!

c) Make the film about corruption (like apparently every second film in the 80s) but make it really about THE DRUG MENACE. Incredibly unsubtly about the drug menace. 

d) Take away Shashi's matinee-idol looks. 1989 Shashi is fatter and older and for some magical, mysterious reason, this makes him seem more accessible and likeable to me.

(I also realise that the dramatic change in Shashi's appearance is partially due to very sad reasons that I don't really want to think about so we won't go there).

Farz Ki Jung is supremely entertaining, and, as is quite typical of the period, luridly melodramatic. The film opens with Vishal (Govinda) praying with his politician father Jaikishan (Amrish Puri). We soon learn that though the family is massively wealthy, Jaikishan is apparently a pious, humble man who believes in living a simple, quiet life.

OR DOES HE?

DUDES – it's AMRISH PURI! What do YOU think?

He’s secretly the head of a DRUG SMUGGLING SYNDICATE with a secret underground lair and everything. Jaikishan's public front is “kindly altruistic politician family man”, but in his spare time he GETS HIS FREAK ON 

and plots to bring down Indian youth by getting them all addicted to The Drugs.

Obviously Jaikishan's son is too busy being The Hottest Guy in School 

 ...and in fact the hottest guy in the world?

to be aware that his dad is a super-pimping-master-criminal; besides, a new girl – Kavita (Neelam) has just started at the high school and she is SO beautiful that she actually inspires boys to proclaim poetry in her name.

She also (awesomely) totally kicks ass. Like, LITERALLY KICKS ASS.

For all of you who have been disappointed with the unempowered depictions of women in 80s films, please note that this is not the first time I have come across female characters actively sticking up for themselves and acting like awesome, kickass independent women in 80s films.

Anyway – Vishal and Kavita are cosmically destined to be together (because, duh, Govinda and Neelam)

but there's a huge problem.

Kavita’s brother, Inspector Vikram (Shashi Kapoor) is the toughest cop Bombay has ever seen – he has a zero tolerance policy on bribery and corruption, and has been responsible for the eradication of smuggling in the other areas he’s been posted in.

 

Basically, despite appearing slightly too old and a bit out of shape, he’s a super-cop and all criminals fear him. Obviously this makes him enemy number 1 for Jaikishan, which is a problem for Vishal and Kavita - a problem the audience can see coming a thousand years before any of the characters in the film can, when Jaikishan frames Vikram (for drug possession! Shashi as a coke fiend!) and gets him sent to jail. 

 Oh hai, movie title! War for duty = Farz ki Jung

On his release Vikram vows revenge and in time honoured 80s Bollywood tradition, figures that since the law didn’t work for him, he will fight fire with fire and become a rogue like Jaikishan to get even. 

 Shallowest justification: I think older Shashi is WAY hotter than younger Shashi. MAYBE THAT'S MY MOVIE WATCHING BOILED DOWN TO ESSENTIALS.

(AND THEN IT GETS SUPER DUPER AWESOME BUT I CAN'T TELL YOU JUST HOW AWESOME, BECAUSE I'D BE GIVING AWAY THE BEST BIT).

Shashi gets top billing in this film, and with good reason – even though this was at the peak of Govinda's fame, Shashi really is the hero of Farz Ki Jung and I'm not just saying it – I REALLY REALLY liked him in this film. It's pretty pulpy and kind of lurid melodramatic rubbish, but it's fun, and maybe that's why I like him in this better than anything else I've tried watching him in – he's alternately totally cuddly and lovable (and err kind of hot?), and completely kickass.

I've found my Shashi! 

And he's ADORABLE.

* For what it's worth, I have found that I'm TOTALLY down with emo Shashi, when he channels the dark side. In fact, I kind of love emo, tortured Shashi. And Kaala Patthar? LOVE that film, Shashi rocks it (ha, see what I did there?). But I've pretty much given up on perky, dapper Shashi, because OMFG I HATE THAT GUY.

** And seriously now: look at the kind of guys I adore: Govinda, Sunny Deol, Akshay Kumar. They're kinda 'of the people, for the people' earthy village types, and Shashi is kind of more “distinguished, polished professor”. I was discussing this a while back with the ultimate Shashi fan, Beth – we decided maybe HE'S JUST NOT MY TYPE.

Thank You (for making me laugh so hard)

Thank You (Anees Bazmee, 2011)

The first thing you need to know about Thank You is that it ISN'T the tackfest sleazoid film you are probably expecting it to be. When the promos hit the net prior to its cinematic release in April, I remember there being a kind of ripple effect of disgust...it seemed like a whole lot of people were offended and outraged, over a whole RANGE of things. There were the scantily clad white girls in the song Full Volume – seen as reinforcing the Hindi film stereotype that western girls are skanks;

there were more scantily clad girls PLUS general sleaziness and outrage over the way the film remixed Pyar Do Pyar Lo – TRAVESTY!

And there was the whole “Anees Bazmee attempts another tacky comedy about infidelity” angle.

I can't speak to that last part – because I haven't actually seen No Entry, so I can't compare the two films. As for the first two points – well – I admit on seeing the promos even I thought Thank You looked a bit vulgar. But I also knew that I would be seeing it anyway, based on:

1. My insane love of Bobby Deol and my pathological need to see every single film he has ever appeared in. Basically, this point trumps ALL OTHER POINTS.
2. The way Irrfan wobbles his head in Pyar Do Pyar Lo. Something about it convinced me that the film would be COMEDY GOLD.
3. My enduring love and lust for Akshay Kumar, and also the fact that for some reason, many of his more silly comedies make me laugh so hard my flatmate sometimes thinks I am brain-damaged.
4. This review by Filmi Girl. Kara and I sometimes have totally opposite opinions on things (Abhishek Bachchan is example #1) but sometimes we are on EXACTLY THE SAME PAGE and films like Thank You (and Housefull) are an example. I've seen Thank You twice now and I agree with Kara's p.o.v 100%!

Thank You is like a weirdo fairytale about relationships. Raj (Bobby Deol), Vikram (Irrfan) and Yogi (Suniel Shetty) are serial cheaters who have no remorse about constantly cheating on their wives – respectively Sanjana (Sonam Kapoor), Shivani (Rimi Sen) and Maya (Celina Jaitley). Things get tricky for them when their wives, suspecting adultery, hire a private detective: Kishan (Akshay Kumar) to prove their infidelity, and Kishan sets out to destroy them, turning the friends against each other, and helping the wives to get revenge on the men.

Both times I've watched Thank You I've laughed REALLY EMBARRASSINGLY hard at various points, including that bit from the preview where Akki is wrapped in pink fabric 

 Sue me, I laughed at Akki getting in a fist fight with a monkey in Housefull too. 

and Suniel Shetty clinging on to Celina Jaitley's leg being dragged out of a hotel foyer. This film is frequently hilarious or else my brain is actually slowly rotting. Or maybe both.

Once you set aside the fact that Thank You is really telling an unhealthy tale advising men and women to punish each other and get revenge rather than, I don't know, be loving and kind in the first place and treat each other as equals,there were a couple of things I actually liked about the treatment of relationships in this film:

1. I actually liked Sanjana (Sonam Kapoor) and the way her character was presented – I thought it was a sympathetic representation of a woman who loved her husband and had no reason to question him, and who then feels humiliated when she realises she has been defending and believing a liar. I probably wouldn't have taken him back, but then I was ignoring all the weirdo relationship advice her friends were dishing out to her.
2. Even though it's so not healthy, I thought the combative relationship between Vikram (Irrfan) and Shivani (Rimi) was hilarious – and I liked that though Shivani acted like a good, deferent wife to appease Vikram's chauvinistic tendencies, she was all the time the one in control. Also, I TOTALLY do exactly what Shivani does when I make people cups of tea and don't use a saucer. 
   
   
   
    Irrfan and Rimi REALLY ARE comedy gold!
   
3. I actually REALLY liked Akshay's character, Kishan - and the second time I watched the film, I liked him even more. He clearly acts in a way that is motivated from pure honest intentions and a respectful love of women – and when his motivations are revealed, this becomes even clearer. I really liked all the scenes he had with Sanjana when he showed concern for her state of mind, particularly at Niagara Falls.
   
   
   
   
   
   All the people who complain that Thank You is tacky and vulgar and exploitative clearly haven't seen the film. Sure, there are scantily clad women – but there are women of different sizes, different shapes, and different colours, AND MEN TOO (as Filmi Girl pointed out in her review) and it's Kishan's role to ensure everyone is feeling loved.

The second thing you need to know about Thank You is that, although I found it wildly entertaining, a bunch of people HATE IT and I totally understand why. Because anyone who has EVER been in a relationship, or who is IN a healthy relationship will probably find some of the gems of 'wisdom' imparted by ANY of the characters at best dubious, at worst, incredibly insulting.

I mostly ended up choosing to find it funny.

Basically, part of being able to sit back and enjoy the film depends on TOTALLY IGNORING THE COMPLETELY WEIRD, KIND OF OFFENSIVE, FUCKED UP MESSAGES about relationships that Thank You builds its ENTIRE NARRATIVE around. I can totally do that, because to me, it's just an entertaining movie, and I choose to just ignore this weird crap:

Believe me, there's PLENTY more "wisdom" like this. 

in favour of you know, quality Bobby time,

 Delivers the goods on that front. OMG YOU GUYS I HAVE SUCH A PROBLEM I LOVE BOBBY SO MUCH. 

and laugh/drooling (what? It's a thing) scenes where Akshay Kumar manages to be stripped of his clothes while fighting off attackers (because that is TOTALLY a hazard of fighting off attackers)

 Other highlights include random parkour scenes (awesome); Akki in a bathtub (AWESOME). 

and this one part where I laughed really really hard at Suniel Shetty WHO I DON'T USUALLY EVEN LIKE YOU GUYS (it's when the three cheaters are chasing after Akki, who is getting away, Akki winks at Suniel and SUNIEL WINKS BACK! And then realises he's supposed to catch that guy! Yeah...maybe you had to be there).

Because it's just a movie, and as films go, I have seen a bunch that are way more chauvinistic and offensive than Thank You – RamAvtar, hello? At the heart of it, though it maybe goes about it in a weird way, Thank You is actually a kind of warped love story, that tries to be kind of oddly feminist and makes the men in it look like idiots. Though to be honest, everyone kind of ends up looking idiotic.

 But mainly these three. Also Bobby? I HATE that shirt. Kthanxbye.

Naag Panchami

Naag Panchami (Babubhai Mistry, 1972)

Naag Panchami is the first Indian film I have seen that can unmistakeably be classified as “mythological” – the main characters in the movie are major gods and goddesses residing in their various godly realms, omnisciently observing the human realm, and occasionally intervening in earthly affairs. As all-seeing, all- powerful beings, this automatically ups the film’s awesome quotient: GODS CAN LITERALLY DO ANYTHING, YOU GUYS, leaving the narrative possibilities WIDE OPEN.

Even more awesome: Naag Panchami, as the title suggests, combines the mythological realm with that innately Indian genre, the nagin (snake) film. The blending of the two can best be described as a WILDLY MELODRAMATIC LAVISH SPECIAL EFFECTS EXTRAVAGANZA. Seriously, this movie is SO FREAKING AWESOME that within a mere two minutes of watching I was convinced my heart was going to explode with an overwhelming abundance of joy.

The story goes like this. Mansa (played by a fabulous, divalicious Shashikala), goddess of Naglok, the snake realm, discovers on her birthday her true parentage: she is the daughter of Lord Shiva.

In Naglok, though, they TOTALLY have the BEST parties.

Shiva appears to her and offers to take her to his realm, Kailash, to meet her mother, the goddess Parvati; and her siblings, the gods Ganesha and Kartikeya (spoiler alert: we never get to see them, and it’s kind of gutting, because YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I was looking forward to seeing Ganesha). On the way to Kailash, Shiva stops in the clouds (IN THE CLOUDS!) and bows in deference – Mansa wants to know who Shiva the Destroyer, the guy that the whole world bows down in deference to could possibly deign to acknowledge?

IN THE CLOUDS! I'm never gonna get over this film!

Shiva explains that the only person Shiva bows to is his supreme devotee Chandradhar (Prithviraj Kapoor), a king who worships him with endless devotion and who has space in his prayer room for Shiva’s children, Mansa’s siblings: Ganesh and Kartikeya , and her mother Parvati.

Mansa is dismayed to see that she is not worshipped on the earth and refuses to go to Kailash until she is worshipped in every household on earth. Shiva tells her if that’s the way she feels, she should go see Chandradhar, the supreme devotee – if she can persuade him to worship her, then everyone will.

Turns out Mansa hears “persuade” as “be a total psychotic bully and use your godly snake powers in a dubious, pretty evil manner”- and needless to say, it doesn't work on the pious, devoted Chandrahar.

Chandradhar refuses to be bullied into devotion and soon makes an enemy of the snake goddess. When he smashes her divine goblet she vows revenge on him and becomes – NO EXAGGERATION – a crazy bitch from hell, setting out to ruin his life, and his family’s life, until he bows to her.

Step one. Kill Chandradhar’s six sons. THAT’S JUST STEP ONE.

All that is the first 40 minutes or so – Naag Panchami packs A LOT of plot into its running time. YOU HAVE NO IDEA just how awesome it gets from here on in, because once Mansa gets hell-bent on vengeance and basically ruining poor Chandradhar’s life like a venomous harpy, the ridiculous awesometude of this mythological soap-opera is set in motion.

 

 Shashikala as the vengeful Mansa make frequent crazy eyes.

But here are some teasers for you: while I am by no means clued up on Hindi religious mythology (and in fact, the handy dandy book I have to enlighten me usually just results in me getting more than a little confused; not only are there thousands of gods and several realms, all the gods seemingly have multiple names and incarnations that…stem back to one ultimate God? I don’t know, like I said, there’s A LOT to cover) much of the mythological story in this film at least seems comfortingly…familiar. From Homeric echoes: a shipwrecked sailor returns after decades at sea to a family that doesn’t recognize him; whirlpools in the Ganges separate a husband and wife (but a snake reunites them); to the stuff of Greek and Roman legends: a woman travels to the Underworld in an attempt to bring her husband back to life; the gods and goddesses fight among themselves over their intervention in the human realm.

 And quite honestly: it's just spectacular. This is Lord Brahma in his realm. 

And a giant Hanuman protects Chandrahar's daughter in law from a monstrous crocodile sent by Mansa. THIS MOVIE IS SO EPIC. I REALLY REALLY LOVE IT. 

Plus of course there are Biblical echoes: Prithviraj Kapoor as Chandradhar, tormented ceaselessly by Mansa while the object of Chandradhar’s devotion, Shiva remains passive and silent – Chandradhar suffering endlessly and yet like Job never losing his faith. His character is interesting, actually – though he has the power of free will, to start worshipping Mansa at any time and end her vengeance upon his family, he won’t because of his integrity – he is more willing to suffer and cause suffering to those around him in the name of what is religiously /morally right than be forced into false worship. Prithviraj Kapoor imbues this character with just the right amount of grit without making him rigid and unsympathetic; he balances his strict integrity with massive heart and pathos. There’s a lot to be said for the Kapoor charisma, it’s true, but there’s no denying the sheer talent so many of the family also possess.