Water

So: my laptop exploded a few days ago, and I had a very brief window in which to recover anything off it that I wanted. And I found THIS! The VERY first Hindi film review I EVER wrote, back in 2006 (which gives you some idea of just how old my faithful laptop is). 

Bear in mind that at the time, I was reviewing international/festival/art films weekly - the dvds were free from the local indie dvd store,  the reviews were for the local college newspaper. And I knew NOTHING about Hindi cinema. I didn't even know who John Abraham was (can you IMAGINE?!). Anyway, here (I added pictures to make it more pretty):

Water (Deepa Mehta, 2005)

The first two films in Deepa Mehta’s ‘Elements’ trilogy, Fire (1996) and Earth (1998) addressed, respectively, the issue of lesbianism among traditional Indian women, and the partitioning of India and Pakistan. Mehta, then, is no stranger to controversy, and is clearly passionate about addressing social and political concerns in her films. It sadly comes as no surprise that this explains the lengthy delay between the making of Earth, and the completion of Water (2005). Filming in India was forced to a halt when Hindu fundamentalist groups objected to the subject of the film - the religiously proscribed treatment of widows in India in the years prior to independence from Britain. They protested by destroying the film’s sets and issuing death threats against Mehta. Four years later, filming resumed in Sri Lanka, the film referred to by a false title to avoid attracting any more unwanted attention.

Set in India in 1938, Water begins with a bride being woken by her parents. “Do you remember being married?” they ask her, before informing her that her husband is dead. The bride, Chuyia (played by Sri Lankan Sarala), is all of eight years old, and in accordance with the sacred texts, is immediately taken to a house for widows, where she will spend the rest of her life in a state of self deprivation, shaven-headed and dressed in white, the colour of mourning. If this sounds a bit harsh, the alternatives are hardly any better. If the husband is not survived by a brother willing to marry her, the only other choice for a widow is to join her husband on the funeral pyre.

The life of a widow is hardly suited to an eight year old – Chuyia is an energetic and vibrant force among the mostly aged widows. Chuyia, in all her youthful vibrancy, immediately clashes with the seemingly self-proclaimed ‘boss’, Madhumati (Manorama), an imposing woman charged with finding the monthly rent for the house, but bonds with the ancient, sweet-toothed yet toothless Auntie, and the pious, motherly Shankutala (Seema Biswas). 

But it is Chuyia’s relationship with the young and pretty Kalyani (Lisa Ray), the only widow allowed to keep her long hair, that forms the real centre of the film. When Chuyia meets Narayan (John Abraham), an idealistic follower of Gandhi, and he in turn meets Kalyani, the true painful price of being a widow in this society becomes apparent.

The film’s attitude to religious law – and the explicit suggestion that certain religious rules are more about economics than piety – certainly explains the level of anger and resentment that would lead to death threats from religious fundamentalists. Yet from my point of view (someone who doesn’t necessarily enjoy overt politics or films that beat you over the head with their message) Water is subtle enough in its treatment of the issues Indian widows face that it is enjoyable in its own right as a movie, rather than “an art film” or a ‘feminist film” or a “political film”. Mehta is a skillful director, and in making her film so widely accessible ensures her message will reach as far as it possibly can. Further evidence of Mehta’s acumen: while the theatrical version of the film was Hindi with English subtitles, the DVD includes a bonus 2^nd disc filmed – not dubbed- in English.

Water was nominated for Best Foreign Film at last year’s Academy Awards, and is as visually beautiful as it is emotionally resonant. A thematically complex, lyrical and melancholy film, Water packs a weighty political punch disguised as a simple love story.

SRK gets all social networky on it

Shah Rukh Khan on WhoSay

I can't NOT post Rukhie's first video blog! 

Like Filmi Girl suggested in her gossip round up... he does seem to be minus some of the Shah Rukh "sparkle". Maybe he's just tired from too much superhero-ing on RaOne. 

And maybe it was slightly unkind of me to snort when he said that his cricket team losing made him want to kill himself (especially since I have been known to FREQUENTLY make equally melodramatic statements such as "The roadworks outside are so noisy, I WANT TO KILL MYSELF" or "I am so hungry I AM DYING"....the difference is, I am not internationally megafamous and did not put it in my first eagerly anticipated vlog). 

To be honest - this video just makes me want to tuck him up in bed with a glass of turmeric milk and make him go to sleep. Poor Rukhie. 

This is my heart breaking

Naughty@40 (Jagmohan Mundhra, 2011)

I can’t even find the words to tell you how awful this film is. There is nothing – NOTHING – I could possibly say that could adequately convey to you the look – somewhere between horror, depression and just plain awe at JUST HOW MANY THINGS COULD POSSIBLY BE SO SO HORRIBLE ALL AT ONCE AND HOW ANYONE COULD EVER EVEN REMOTELY THINK ANY OF IT WAS A GOOD IDEA – that was frozen on my face for most of the running time. When I wasn’t ACTUALLY wincing or (at least twice) covering my eyes.

For once, I swear on my life, I am not exaggerating. 

(oh, also, no screencaps because my laptop SPONTANEOUSLY BLEW UP within seconds of the N@40 dvd coming within cm of it. Again, actually not exaggerating). 

Naughty@40 is the (incredibly ill-advised) tale of Happy (Govinda) (*facepalm*), a shy, introverted, quite sweet middle-aged man who prefers to keep to himself. Obviously, because his dad (played by Anupam Kher) is a pervert (not exaggerating) and his mother (Smita Jayakar….so far we’re three for three with people that are TOO GOOD FOR THIS FILM) is a religious nut, Happy’s family and friends – including a sleazier than I ever thought possible Shakti Kapoor (shudder – the only person so far who is PERFECTLY cast) harangue him for his introverted ways, assuming he is:

1.    GAY
2.    A MASTURBATION ADDICT
3.    (best case scenario and odd one out) HIDING A SECRET GIRLFRIEND

     -  ultimately forcing Happy to reveal that NO, he is a VIRGIN.

Oh wait.

I forgot the REALLY IMPORTANT PART.

Happy also sleepwalks.

Happy sleepwalks…BECAUSE HE IS A 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN AND THE SCENT OF WOMEN LURES HIM OUT OF BED. On this pivotal plot point rests a major part of the film.

I feel like I am making it sound cracktastic though. And please let me reiterate: 

this film is THE WORST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN.

The other major part of the film involves Happy finding a wife so he can finally lose his virginity. So he marries a girl (Yuvika Chaudhary) with the mentality of a 12 year old, and then has to endure the frustration of her not wanting to consummate the marriage.

So Happy looks elsewhere, embarking on an affair with a skanky western woman named Sharon.

SERIOUSLY.

OTHER THINGS I THOUGHT OF WHILE ENDURING THIS FILM:

• I have been reduced to waiting to see Govinda have sex and that is not normal.

•  In what universe is a funny, acceptable or normal response to “I finally lost my virginity” “Oh, you finally raped her then?!” (SAID BY A LAUGHING POLICEMAN!) Both me and my flatmate were appalled and just…agape at this point of the film.

• When Yuvika’s character runs to the edge of the cliff and threatens to commit suicide, I actually yelled “jump” at the television. When Govinda ran up to save her, we both yelled “PUSH HIM”.

I laughed maybe twice in the whole thing, at Govinda’s delivery of a couple of incredibly random lines and at one bit where Govinda was going nuts and dancing (with no music) like a lunatic. I LOVE Govinda, and he is an insanely talented performer, and that he could still manage to make me laugh, even twice, in an ABOMINATION like this, is something, I suppose. BUT HE SHOULDN’T BE IN IT AT ALL.

To be honest, much of the time when I was trying to tune the tacky vulgarity out, I was thinking about Ssukh, not one of Govinda’s hit films, but one that is in my Chichi Desert Island discs. It was his big comeback project after his brief hiatus from the film industry, his only foray into production, and it flopped. His career has never been the same since, and it’s sad to see him as one of the ones who can’t bounce back easily from the setbacks, versus the resilient few who no matter how often and how spectacularly they fail, keep coming back for more.

And this. This is gonna be hard to bounce back from.

GAME ON!

Game (Abhinay Deo, 2011)

Four strangers: drug lord Neil Menon (Abhishek Bachchan), politician O.P. Ramsay (Boman Irani), filmstar Vikram Kapoor (Jimmy Shergill) and journalist Tisha Khanna (Shahana Goswami), each from different parts of the world, are summoned by billionaire Kabir Malhotra (Anupam Kher) to his private Greek island to participate in a sinister “game” he has spent three years planning – a game which will implicate three of them in the death of a young woman. But when Kabir Malhotra is found dead, from an apparent suicide, in a locked room, with all the evidence against his ‘guests’ missing…then the game really begins.

Game has been slammed all over the ‘net and pretty much declared a massive, horrendous flop. My favourite comments accuse it of trying to be stylish and substantial and failing at both, at trying for an international (read: Hollywood) feel and ending up with a poorly paced, plot-hole ridden mess.

So you know I totally loved it, right?

First of all:  I was pretty much primed, by the time my dvd arrived, for the film to be bad. I wasn’t expecting a timeless classic of Hindi cinema. I just wanted it not to be excruciating or offensive.

And secondly – HELL YEAH, it’s kind of a mess. But it’s a HOT mess, like the cracktastic Luck (a film I find WILDLY, ENDLESSLY enjoyable).

I DO have a genuine love for entertaining trash, and Game pretty much fits the bill perfectly. It’s a pulpy, twist-laden, plot-hole-ridden, ludicrously unrealistic (and kind of predictable, if you’ve EVER seen a classic masala film) Bollywood plot filtered through what I guess is “international” style. Which is just what I would call kind of cheesy. Honestly, some of the ‘smooth’ one-liners made me laugh SO HARD because they are trying so hard to be ‘cool’; I was EXTREMELY disappointed that the film didn’t end with a giant “GAME OVER” stamped across the screen. Because it would have been PERFECTLY IN LINE with the style and “awesome unpredictable coolness’ they were going for. Also, I would have laughed so hard I probably would have broken a rib. As it is, if you watch to the end of the closing credits song, Abhishek ends proceedings by UNIRONICALLY pointing a gun at the camera and shooting.

CRACKTASTICALLY PERFECT!

The film is actually pretty well constructed and totally engaging for the entire first half – a slick, glossy thriller in a seemingly Hitchcockian mould; the story is - if a little reminiscent of the ALL TIME CLASSIC Clue (that's actually not a bad thing) pretty original for a Hindi film and executed fairly stylishly;  the performances (from a pretty stellar cast) are generally pretty good – new face Sarah-Jane Dias is pretty and natural onscreen (except along with pretty much the entire cast, she could use some dance practice; or maybe just a better soundtrack would have helped). If anything, the fault for the movie rapidly slipping into LAUGHABLY LUDICROUS territory after such a promising start rests ENTIRELY on the script.

And the credit for that goes to….Farhan Akhtar. Seriously. I thought the dude a) was slightly more clever than to leave a HUGE, GAPING plot hole even a toddler could plainly see in the middle of a thriller, and b) has ACTUALLY WORKED IN FILMS before, both in front of and behind the camera, so he does know how these things work, right? Unless he was trying to sabotage it for some reason, or just really underestimated the intelligence of the audience.

Farhan, dude. FAIL. EPIC FAIL. It makes me think you’re kind of a douche.

But at least the resultant hot mess, gigantic plot holes and outlandish narrative and “smooth” stylish glossy finish -  it’s ridiculously entertaining.

GAME OVER!

NOTE: I pretty much ordered this dvd DESPITE all the bad reviews because I love Abhishek Bachchan and will forgive him anything. I thought Game was hilariously, wildly entertaining (mainly for the wrong reasons, I suspect) but the one ENDURING message I took from it was:

ABHISHEK! PLEASE! I love you – seriously, you are awesome, and I think you are an excellent actor -  but PLEASE stop playing the same role over and over again. I know that on paper ‘the cool guy’ probably looks like a great idea – who wouldn’t want to be “the cool guy”? BUT I AM TIRED OF SEEING YOU PLAY INTERCHANGEABLE ROLES IN MEDIOCRE MOVIES. 

I grow weary of this.

I do realise the hypocrisy of this statement when I am quite happy to watch other (they shall remain nameless) actors play essentially the same role over and over again in countless mediocre movies. BUT ABHISHEK HAS ALREADY PROVEN HE CAN BE MORE THAN “THE COOL GUY”.

The Govinda Project: The Impossible Three

Mohabbat Ki Aag (K.R. Reddy, 1989?)

Teri Payal Mere Geet (Rehman Naushad, 1989/1993ish?)

These films make up the other two parts of the Impossible Three (Tan Badan, Mohabbat Ki Aag and Teri Payal Meri Geet) – the frustrating, tantalising trio that I cannot, for love or money, track down in any legitimate, purchasable form, despite PHYSICAL EVIDENCE EXISTING that these films MUST HAVE BEEN COMPLETED/RELEASED in some form.

But this is The Govinda Project (a.k.a. a document of my obsession) and these ‘lost films’ are super intriguing for me.

Indian cinema fans will already know that the Indian film industry is incredibly prolific – churning out hundreds of films each year. And you will also be aware that each year, several films in various stages of completion grind to a halt and get shelved for indefinite periods due to various factors – scheduling conflicts, running out of money, political or legal issues. Sometimes, filming is picked up again years later, continuity be damned (and an example of a film like this is Aatank).

But sometimes, films are finished, everything seems perfect, the soundtrack is released, the posters go up…and the film is NEVER released. See, for example how the posters and promos for Run Bhola Run were first released back in December 2010, a release date was announced…and the film still hasn’t come out. The release date kept getting pushed back, and pushed back, until it quietly disappeared from the more reliable web sources altogether.

And that appears to be what happened to Mohabbat Ki Aag. The SOLE evidence that it actually existed in some form is the relatively easy to find vinyl soundtrack LP:

Yes, of course I own this. And no, I don't have a record player.

which features tantalising, colour photos of the cast. Chichi! Poonam Dhillon! And Shatru! HOW BADLY DO I WANT TO SEE THIS MOVIE BECAUSE IT HAS SHATRU IN IT TOO?!

But who knows what happened with Mohabbat Ki Aag (Fire of Love)? All over the internet, you can find different ‘release’ dates ranging from 1986 all the way through to the early 1990s.  What you CAN’T find are facts proving the film was released: there is no concrete release date anywhere, there are no plot synopses to be found, no tantalisingly brief video snippets uploaded to obscure websites, not a single fan review or comment. NOBODY HAS SEEN THIS FILM.

Judging from how young the cast look, filming completed round 1986/1987, the soundtrack was released…and then something happened so that the completed film was relegated to languish on a dusty shelf somewhere, unseen and unreleased. Unless it was all just an intricately planned experiment in using movie stars faces to sell records.

Poor Govinda. Run Bhola Run



and Banda Yeh Bindaas Hai are just the most recent of his completed films to suffer a similar apparent fate.

Teri Payal Mere Geet (originally referred to during filming, apparently, as Dhartiputra) on the other hand looks like it was definitely released (2 release dates are widely given on the net: 1989 and 1992/3 – suggesting the film was completed and then shelved for several years before release) – I just can’t get a copy. Partly, it seems, because nobody owns the rights?
 

How does this not look AWESOME? 

WHY DOESN’T SOMEBODY SNAP THOSE BAD BOYS UP?

Here’s the (fan-written) plot summary from imDb:

Premi is a bachelor who has re-located from distant Uttar Pradesh to Bombay, and makes a living selling poems to a wealthy man by the name of Benni. While visiting Goddess Durga Devi's temple, he sees an attractive young woman and instantly falls in love with her. Subsequently he finds out that she is a courtesan named Laila-Jaan. When he does venture into the dance hall, he finds out that she is singing his very poem that he had penned for Benni, and then he witnesses Benni himself as one of her clientèle. He gets himself hired by Laila-Jaan just to be close to her. He finds out that she is contemptuous of married women and regards herself much more superior than them. When the Thakur of Rajgarh invites her to sing and dance at his son's wedding, she goes there to perform. It is here she will find out that the ordinary women, she loathes, have nothing but hatred for her and her kind. Confused and surprised, she wants to give up her life as a courtesan. It is that night that she gets abducted. In the morning the Thakur finds out that she is missing, and also missing is Premi. Watch what happens when the Thakur sends his men to capture Premi and bring Laila-Jaan back, and whether or not it was Premi who abducted her.

And there’s more! Clips from this film (including cute Lehren behind the scenes clips) ABOUND on YouTube! Dekh:


On Sets of Film Teri Payal Mere Geet by lehren

From what I can tell, the soundtrack is pretty cool (yet curiously I've never found the album for sale in all my searching...curiouser and curiouser...), and LOOK AT THE DANCING! LOOK AT YOUNG FRESHFACED GOVINDA AND GORGEOUS MEENAKSHI!



It ACTUALLY kills me that I can't get a copy of this film. IT KILLS ME.

The colour of courage

Rang De Basanti (Rakeysh Omprakash Mehra, 2006)

A few years back, I had a sweet gig where I got free dvd rental from the local arthouse dvd store (now sadly defunct) in return for reviewing whatever the owner picked for me to watch. Seriously: sweetest gig ever – I got to see a huge variety of international festival releases, including some I’d never have picked out for myself, for absolutely zip, as long as I reviewed them for the local college paper.

So that’s how, technically, Rang De Basanti was actually the first Hindi film I ever laid eyes on. I didn’t view it in its entirety – and I don’t think I ever reviewed it, because I remember HATING it. I only got to the intermission before switching it off in favour of some French film, thinking that “Bollywood” was SO not what I had expected. (The next Indian film the dvd store owner would give me to review I absolutely loved: Deepa Mehta’s Water; but it would still be several years till Hindi films lured me back).

Next weird fact: I now own no less than FOUR copies of Rang De Basanti, and I DON’T KNOW HOW OR WHY THIS HAS HAPPENED. Especially since, given that initial experience, my mental association is BAD MOVIE DO NOT WANT.

Guess what? I must have been on crack or something that day (or more likely: the weight of my unrealistic newbie Bollywood expectations: e.g. when video store guy said “this is a Bollywood film” I heard “ALL GLITTER AND SEQUINS AND DANCING AND SINGING  AND HAPPINESS ALL THE TIME HOORAY”; + my complete lack of knowledge about India, Indian film and Indian history added up to a disappointing experience) because I put it on the other day, figuring I have four copies, I may as well watch one of them, and OH MY GOD YOU GUYS WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME THAT I WOULD TURN THIS FILM OFF?

I LOVED IT.

I LOVED IT SO MUCH.

I LOVED IT SO MUCH I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO CONVEY TO YOU HOW MUCH I LOVED IT. THERE AREN’T BIG ENOUGH LETTERS OR BIG ENOUGH WORDS.

Rang De Basanti (Paint it Yellow) is the story of Sue (Alice Patten), an aspiring English filmmaker who is inspired by the journals her grandfather kept during the freedom struggle in India in the early 1900s. Her goal is to make a film about Bhaghat Singh and the other revolutionaries who were martyred for the freedom movement in a way that made a deep impression on her grandfather.

Sue flies to Delhi, where she eventually finds a  motley crew of fun loving, laid-back college students to play the revolutionaries in her film: DJ (Aamir Khan); Karan (Siddharth); Aslam (Kunal Kapoor); Sukhi (Sharman Joshi) and Sonia (Soha Ali Khan). 

The problem, though, is that Sue’s modern-day cast can’t identify with the driven, passionate characters they are supposed to play: well acquainted with partying, but strangers to patriotism, they cannot understand or begin to imagine the mindset of someone who believes in a cause enough to die for it. 

Until something happens that changes everything – causing even the most apathetic of the bunch to take drastic action in the name of a cause; causing those with long-held, passionate convictions to reassess everything they thought they knew and defended as “true” and “right”.

The first thing I have to mention about this film is that – contrary to what I had expected – it’s NOT just an Aamir Khan vehicle. It really isn’t. This is a true ensemble effort from a superb cast, and everyone is strong. That said, I have to say that Sharman Joshi as Sukhi especially stood out for me – he’s adorable and underrated; and Atul Kulkarni as Laxman was RIVETING.  His scenes alone were amazing enough, but the storyline with Kunal Kapoor GUTTED ME. And yeah, Aamir is slightly too old to be playing a 25 year old, but there are scenes – like this:

- when he breaks down at the breakfast table with Sue – when you forgive him just about anything, because he’s that freaking good.

Secondly: this film is heartbreaking. I don’t think I have EVER cried so much watching ANYTHING. I don’t know if it’s because it juxtaposes historical events against the present day – drawing parallels between the freedom fighting revolutionaries and the Delhi gang, and touching on things like the Jallianwala Bagh Massacre, racial and religious tension, and the story of Bhagat Singh and his contemporaries who died for India’s freedom; or because of the other thematic threads – the kind of Dil Chahta Hai melancholic ideas about growing up and moving on from your idyllic youth; learning unpleasant things about the world and becoming an adult.

Thirdly – having seen my fair share of “patriotic” films (and a large chunk during Deol Dhamaka) I’m more than familiar with the off-putting tendency for these things to descend rapidly into jingoistic, hate-filled ranting; positioning one country or one race on one side as the wonderful ideal and everybody else (if not a specific country, race or religion) as the evil enemy. Rang De Basanti comes at it from an entirely different angle. The very people of the country that is supposed to be celebrated see nothing to celebrate, only seeing its flaws: its corruption, its poverty, its religious tensions. There is no outside “enemy” – the film is about realizing the value of the nation and the message is that no country is perfect, that the people have to work together to make it better.

It’s this kind of patriotism I much prefer to see played out on film – something like this, or Heroes, or Swades.