Ab Kya Hoga is an AWESOMELY INSANE GHOSTLY REINCARNATION STALKER THRILLER (it's a genre I just made up and MAYBE this is the only movie in that section) about what happens when super successful businessman Ram Sinha (Shatrughan Sinha) is forced against his will to marry Chitralekha (Neetu Singh), a woman who he believes is (and who actually really seems to be) a ghost who is out to kill him. Naturally, his best friend (Asrani) and his family don't believe him for a second, so poor beleagured Ram – who sees murderous, ghostly visions of Chitralekha following him wherever he goes – is forced to go to a psychologist and a holy man to try and cure his apparent paranoia and mend his marriage.
That pretty much is the entire plot, but believe me when I say it goes kind of batshit crazy towards the end and that basically, NOTHING THAT HAPPENS IN THIS FILM MAKES ANY SENSE. It's awesome.
You better KNOW I love me some Shotgun, some lurid melodrama...and after the glory of Jaani Dushman, a good Bollywood horror story. The night I watched Ab Kya Hoga? (What Happens Now?) my little part of the country was experiencing some of the worst thunderstorms in LIVING MEMORY: and let me tell you – even the cheesiest, shoddiest, most unrealistically melodramatic ghost story becomes sort of genuinely creepy when your entire house is shaking with every booming thunderclap and lightning is flashing every few minutes.
But really, my excessive joy in this film lies in
1. SHOTGUN! THE SHEER UNADULTERATED GLORY OF SHOTGUN!
JUST LOOK AT HIS TIE!
He is my swaggering melodramatic filmi boyfraaaaaand forever, y'all, and JUST LOOK HOW BUSY AND IMPORTANT HE IS:
I am intrigued by the shape the map artist gave Australia.
when he isn't being EXTREMELY DRAMATIC (which is actually 85% of the film = ridiculous dramatic statements declaimed with characteristic SWAGGER)
PLUS: heads up fangirls! Maybe I'm actually just writing this review as a letter to myself because I can't really imagine anyone deriving as much pleasure from Ab Kya Hoga? as I did but: KICKASS CLIMACTIC DISHOOM FIGHT OF AWESOME featuring THIS:
He's gonna CUT YOU BITCHES.
SWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON. Shatru, will you be my boyfraaaaaaand forever and ever?
2. Neetu taking a break from the perky, pigtailed, fun kickass girl roles I usually see her in in favour of WAFTING ABOUT MYSTERIOUSLY IN THE MIST,
Not the most enlightened feminist role either.
carrying props with ominous, significant titles,
and you know, just chilling in graveyards...
...WHEN SHE'S NOT TRYING TO ENTICE SHATRU TO BOINK HER!
(To be fair, Neetu, I'd behave exactly the same way).
3. I don't know anything about Tumblr but I'm kind of tempted to start one called “My Maa Says Nahiiin!”
Ehhhh...Aunt, Maa, same diffs.