Khoon Ka Karz (Mukul Anand, 1991)

Khoon Ka Karz means “Debt of Blood”. It stars Vinod Khanna, Sanjay Dutt and Rajnikanth – who I hadn’t encountered until now but who is a Tamil superstar and PURE AWESOME – as three orphans who are raised in an ashram by a kindly woman (Sushma Seth), and who then are forced by circumstances in adulthood take separate paths…OF CRIME.

Sanju is so badass he lights his ciggies with DYNAMITE!

Rajnikanth is so badass he lights his ciggies with a loaded gun!

Hot Papa Khanna is so badass he doesn't smoke so he can KICK SOME MORE ASS!

Because this is an action film it means that:

So young! So pretty!

a) fresh-faced, slim-hipped Sanju-Baba is a lean, mean, motorcycle-riding fighting machine…with the mullet to end all mullets, and he fights in the street because he is actually REALLY SMART but the evil father of Sanju-Baba’s girlfriend got his scholarship revoked because he doesn’t want them to marry. So he’ll wreck Sanju’s life instead by setting him on the path of crime.  Like it wasn’t bad enough that Sanju’s original parents died in a carwreck and left him on a mountaintop to perish before the kindly orphanage lady rescued him.

The mullet adds power to the melodrama. It adds OOOMPH.

Tell me this isn't the coolest guy YOU HAVE EVER SEEN.

b) Rajnikanth has a bottle in his hand in just about every frame of the film he is in. Because he drinks to forget that he is not technically an orphan (who was abandoned in a dustbin); he is the illegitimate child of a woman with LEPROSY and a politician (? I think) who goes round impregnating ALL the women of the town! Dun DUN DUNNNNN! So naturally Rajnikanth considers visiting a prostitute who turns out to be the kidnapped daughter of a judge (and they fall in pyaaaaaar of course), because he is lonely, but decides to kick some ass instead.

Mesh vest: gay or nay?

c) Hot Papa Khanna proves that one is never too old to wear a mesh vest when you have the smoking hot Khanna khoon running in your veins – in fact – that may be why the cooler mesh option was a necessary wardrobe choice. Because HPK proves that even as the WAY OLDER BROTHER WHO SEEMINGLY WEARS A BIT TOO MUCH FOUNDATION and, um, cries a lot, he can still kick some bad guy ass and bring the dishoom-dishoom to the room. And make Dimple Kapadia fall in love with him even though he OUT-MELODRAMAS everyone else in the movie (which let me tell you, is QUITE a feat). It’s not his fault he can’t get a job and so has to steal from the rich to give to the poor because he has a heart of pure gold.

Luckily, HPK soon pulls himself together and realises that to pull off the Mesh Vest successfully, one has to MAN UP and bring the macho, particularly if one is going to insist on wearing too much foundation. You're a handsome man, HPK, but right here: a bit dostana.

So Khoon Ka Karz sounds TOTALLY AWESOME, right? How could anyone mess up a movie so gloriously melodramatic, with a power-combo like Sanju-Baba, Hot Papa Khanna and the wonder that is Rajnikanth (seriously, he rules!) at its core?

Sigh. This is how:

Like it's not bad enough that he wrote it, he had to go and have THREE ROLES. Can you hear my soul screaming? Can you?

I can’t really sum up the plot of Khoon Ka Karz because it’s so convoluted and bollocks that at some points in the film, I didn’t really know what was going on, to the point that I may as well have been watching it sans subtitles. Mainly because every time Kader Khan was onscreen (which was waaaaay too much – it’s like he seriously considered himself the STAR of the film, and SERIOUSLY thought that making the film into a hardcore action-melodrama SLAPSTICK COMEDY hybrid was an awesome idea) I died a little inside. I could actually feel my soul dying.  Basically Kader Khan plays the bad guy, who for much of the movie is controlling two of the brothers in their life of CRIME while Hot Papa Khanna operates a bit like Robin Hood until at the end the three all unite against EVIL.

Just so you know exactly how bad it gets:

a) he dresses up as Hitler and Ravana for no apparent reason except that he…thinks it’s awesome?

 I refuse to post a picture of Khader Khan dressed as 'comedy Hitler' because you know what? NOT FUNNY.

THIS IS NOT AWESOME. Awesome would be if you vanished from the movie. YOU ARE TAKING UP SCREEN TIME OUR HEROES COULD BE DISHOOMING IN. THERE COULD BE A MESH-VEST FASHION SHOW.

Mesh vest fashion show?!

b) I always thought Shakti Kapoor was annoying. He’s in this movie too, and it might just be my anti- Kader Khan bias speaking, but he seemed more subdued than normal. In contrast to Kader Khan, I would watch 150 minutes of pure Shakti Kapoor antics. By the end of Khoon Ka Karz, I was praying for more Shakti, just so there would be less Kader Khan. I LOATHE HIM. I LOATHE THE MAN.

Because of the Kader Khan factor, Khoon Ka Karz will never be anything more than a hot mess, which will always depressingly hold the promise of what it could have been. A fricking awesome dishoom dishoom action flick with three superwow heroes all trying to out-melodrama each other. Sigh. At least we will always have Sanju-Baba’s mullet and snaky hips, and Hot Papa Khanna’s mesh vest.

Highlights and Random Observations:

So apparently Khoon Ka Karz was A HUGE hit for Rajnikanth in Tamil Nadu, where he was considered the star of the film. So much so that it's getting a Tamil remake (starring Rajnikanth, of course) 18 years later. Seriously though, how badass is the guy:

Obviously, the bit where Kader Khan gets what he deserves is a mega highlight.

POW! DISHOOM DISHOOM! WHAP! THWACK! BOOM!

Also, the extreme melodrama-action focus of the film (e.g. all the bits without KK) make it super wow – so the spectacular climax, with the three brothers being beaten and walking barefoot over broken glass to get their ma to her funeral pyre before ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE in a riot of dishoom dishoom and GRENADES and SWORDFIGHTING is actually worth it.

 He does look better without the mullet. The hair continuity becomes like a game. There's no-mullet, spiky punk mullet, and bouffy mullet. No-mullet is my favourite. THROW THAT GRENADE NO-MULLET!

Like, totally. If you like action films (and what' not to like? seriously, what's WRONG with you?), just fast forward through the bits featuring the antichrist and Khoon Ka Karz is almost ridiculous-awesome.

Oh yeah - there are obviously songs, and there's one that is the romance song where all the heroes are briefly happy and extremely handsome, but the subtitles are...suspect, to say the least. And Sanju-Baba, as SEXY YOUNGEST BRO gets the most interesting variation:

 In this song, Vinod Khanna looks every bit the matinee idol. So handsome. I'd "do with" him.

...not AS smooth, Rajnikanth...but looking good...

This was maybe best left unsaid, Sanju.

Emosanal Attyachar

Dev.D (Anurag Kashyap, 2009)

After seeing Sanjay Leela Bhansali’s 2002 version of Devdas, I have to admit, I didn’t really get why the tragic tale is one of the most often-retold in Hindi cinema. For those not yet familiar with what Dev.D aptly tags the “emosanal attyachar” (emotional torture) at the heart of the Devdas story, basically: Devdas (from a rich family) and Paro (from a poor family) are childhood sweethearts, until Devdas get sent to London to complete his studies. Paro vows to keep her love for Dev alive until he returns – when he does, it turns out her family have lined up a marriage for her to another man. Dev’s family don’t want him to marry Paro, see, because she’s from a poorer family. So he goes along with his family’s wishes and doesn’t intervene to say “Hey, wait, me and Paro are in love and I want to marry her, family be damned, this is true love!” 

Dev and Paro, before it all goes horribly wrong.

Basically: Dev is a coward and when he realizes that he has been a dick to the girl who kept a flame of devotion burning for him for all the time he was away it’s TOO LATE and she’s married, and he becomes a raging alcoholic and basically spends the rest of the film drinking himself to death.

Yes, really. While he is drinking himself to death he seeks solace with a prostitute called Chandramukhi who for some reason thinks that a raging alcoholic mess who is in love with someone else is SO HOT and falls in love with him.

Intertextual reference alert: New prostitute Leni is watching Bhansali's version of Devdas, and names herself Chanda after the prostitute Chandramukhi (played by Madhuri Dixit)

And the emotional torture continues, e.g. Dev keeps being a dick until the inevitable tragic ending.

So. After seeing Sanjay Leela Bhansali’s version, which was of course very beautiful and extravagant and made EXCELLENT use of Shahrukh as a melodramatic hero, the above was pretty much my entire understanding of the characters and the story. Basically: Devdas (2002) doesn’t make any emotional sense. I didn’t understand (or care, in the slightest) for example, why Chandramukhi wanted anything to do with Dev. Actually, that he was apparently the ‘hero’ of the film was a bit icky, that the female characters existed merely to pine for him and care for him even ickier.

Intertextual reference alert: Spot Rukhie as a melodramatic alcoholic hero as Dev is about to enter an underground pub (uh oh...)

All of that is an extremely longwinded way of saying that Anurag Kashyap is a fricking genius, and if, like me, you made the mistake of letting Dev.D languish on your dvd shelf because Devdas was just a bit…meh…then DON’T MAKE THAT MISTAKE. I already made it for you, and I regret all the days I wasted not knowing how amazing this film is. Because the film is so, so good it has pretty much rendered me incoherent, I have been reduced to point form.

DEV.D MAY BE MY NEW FAVOURITE MOVIE OF ALL TIME EVER BECAUSE:

1. It will be my go-to movie for every time someone suggests that every film that comes out of Bollywood is formulaic, family-oriented, no-kissing, singing-and-dancing-around-trees-in-silly-costumes fare. Dev.D, with sex, drugs and a rock’n’roll (and brass band!) soundtrack, and inventive use of colour filters and camerawork, tests stereotyped notions of “what is a Bollywood film?” Anurag Kashyap is FAST becoming my favourite director – after seeing this and the sublimely puzzling No Smoking, I have to seek out his other films. THE MAN IS A GENIUS. A MAVERICK. A REVOLUTIONARY (in terms of Hindi cinema, anyway).

I'd love to see Abhay Deol dance around a tree.

2. This movie belongs to the women in it. Namely Mahie Gill as Paro and Kalki Koechlin as Leni/Chanda. In contrast to the Bhansali version, where SRK played Devdas as the central melodramatic hero willing the audience to feel sorry for him, dying because of his star-crossed love for Paro (oh so tragic) and Paro (played in that instance by Aishwarya Rai) as I recall just sort of suffered through her marriage and always pined for Devdas; in Dev.D  Dev (played by Abhay Deol) is portrayed exactly how he should be: a complete asshole whose decline is all his own doing. I never got the sense that I was supposed to be rooting for Dev – he was a jerk, not an irredeemable EEEEVIL jerk, but a run-of-the-mill, realistically hypocritical dick, who strung Paro along and dropped her when he suspected he was not going to be the first to sleep with her. And what was so great about Paro in Dev.D is that instead of being a one dimensional pining heroine who just takes the abuse and always pines, inexplicably, for this man who treats her so horribly, Paro gets upset – who wouldn’t? – BUT THEN SHE MOVES ON. Unwilling to accept being assigned the role as ‘whore’, Paro makes a better life for herself and leaves Dev behind, and it’s emotionally complex and AWESOME to watch.

 Intertextual reference alert (?): this shot of Paro running to meet Dev on his return from England reminds me of the sequence where Aish runs through the gorgeous house in the Bhansali version. Anyway - Paro is joyful.

Paro is no longer joyful.

Similarly, this version round, I understood the role of Chandramukhi (or in Dev.D “Chanda”) in the story a lot better, partly because Kashyap gives her a back story. With context suggesting why Chanda would take an interest in Dev, as fucked up and still in ‘love’ with Paro as he is, her story is a lot more engaging, and poignant when the fantasy life she and Dev build together (he forgets Paro briefly, she stops turning tricks for a few days) comes crashing down. 

Oh, you laugh, Dev, but the irony is - she actually is going to try and save you. Because that's what Chandramukhi does.

3. Abhay Deol is a breathtakingly good actor. I can’t think of anyone else who could have pulled this off (and apparently the film was his idea!). I can't even give you a single scene as an example, because every frame of this film is stunning, and like I said earlier: I am incoherent with my pyaaaaaaaaaar for this film. 

The Deol genes run strong. Seriously - are they a ridiculously good looking family or what?

Seriously, MUST WATCH. MUST OWN.

No Subtitles Sunday 2: Bhagam Bhag

Bhagham Bhag (Priyadarshan, 2006)

Bhagam Bhag was a film I ordered for the shallowest of reasons: the presence of Akki and my new obsession, Govinda (and to be honest, my reasons for ordering films only rarely go much deeper than that). When it arrived and the “Multi-language subtitles” advertised on the dvd cover turned out to be a MASSIVE LIE, then it was the obvious choice for the second official No Subtitles Sunday…a venture that proved unexpectedly educational.

Gratuitous shot because something about slightly flabby Akki taunting Chichi is mega-appealing. This blog really is just a home for my weird Bollywood fetishes.

I better make one thing clear from the beginning: if you are here expecting a coherent review or an accurate recap of the film, you’re out of luck. Turns out that Hindi comedies, especially ones like this that seem to rely on HILARIOUS MISUNDERSTANDINGS, require possibly a little bit more language comprehension than I have.

Which, if you are new here, is just a tiny bit more than NONE.

My expression for much of Bhagam Bhag. Sans the stubble.

The plot, as far as I could make it out. (This might make your brain hurt).

Bunty (Akshay Kumar) and Babla (Govinda) are members of a theatre troupe that is just about to go on tour to England. But they are both horn-dogs for the lead heroine of the show (Tanashree Dutta – what are the odds that I’ve never heard of her and then she’s in two No Sub Sundays in a row?) and freak her out with their harassment so much that she quits before the London trip.

What I THINK happens in the first hilarious misunderstanding is that Govinda goes to Tanashree’s room on some innocent pretext – to borrow something? – then ends up telling her that Akshay’s character is a badmaash and up to no good, PLUS he declares his love for her so he gets a tight slap, and gets kicked out of her room. Akshay sees Govinda exit and is all jealous and is all “What happened to your face, why is your cheek all red?” and Govinda is SUCH A SNEAKY LIAR and is all “Oh, did I not get all the lipstick off?” and then they have a conversation I had absolutely no chance of comprehending but Govinda’s expressions really say it all (and this bit was seriously hilarious, it even cracks me up WITH NO SOUND!):

"Well first she...mmmmm..."

"...if you know what I mean..."

"...and I think you KNOW what I MEAN".

So then Akshay tries to seduce Tanashree when she goes to have a shower and it goes horribly wrong. Which Akki then tries to cover by dancing like a maniac (again, FUNNY!).

 SPIRIT FINGERS!

 And this is where I think just understanding the concept of HILARIOUS MISUNDERSTANDING comes into play, because even if you don’t really know what they are saying, knowing that Akki is thinking Govinda got it on with Tanashree and that Govinda DIDN’T and really doesn’t want Akki to be saying that in front of everyone…that makes it funny.

Phew.

Anyway back to the plot. So once Tanashree leaves because the two heroes sexual harassment is too much to deal with, the problem is: WHERE ARE THEY GOING TO FIND A HEROINE FOR THE SHOW?

Cue hilarious misunderstanding number 2, and the introduction of a subplot I could have done without: Akki and Govinda arrange to meet someone who can get them a heroine. But heroine sounds just like heroin, and so …the criminals end up with the actors’ suitcase of clothes, thinking it is money; the actors end up with a briefcase full of drugs. “Yeh DRUGS hai!” But then the criminals end up thinking that the actors are actually undercover cops for some reason, and though the drugs are handed in to the police fairly early in the film,

 This is where we first encounter Firm but Fair Jackie Shroff.

somehow the criminal storyline persists and the criminals spend a lot of time running away from the actors. That’s about all I comprehended of that storyline.

Which kind of brings us to storyline number 3:

Apart from not understanding why Shakti Kapoor is in ANY movie, I don't understand why he is in THIS movie.

I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT THE HELL PLOTLINE 3 IS ABOUT. All I know is that Rajpal Yadav is the taxi driver for the theatre company, and I think he says “Hey, I can help you find a heroine” and he takes Akki to see Shakti Kapoor, who is drunk. Then a lot of gang- member looking guys all pile in the cab with Shakti and Akki and Rajpal, and off they go, until they see a guy with a really long mullet, and all the gang members run after him. And then they get back in the cab and they all yell “GERMANY!”  So Akki and Rajpal jump out of the car and the hoons drive off.

 Also: the editing would have you believe Oxford is a couple of minutes cab ride (or gang mob jog) away from London. WHAT A LIE, Bhagam Bhag, WHAT A LIE.

And the whole time, I am thinking “Wait, what happened to Govinda?” After this episode every time Shakti appears he has broken a new limb and is after Akki for some reason, and all the gang guys want to GET AKKI. Obviously there is something lost in translation.

Anyway, when Rajpal and Akki lose the random Shakti hoons, FINALLY they find the perfect heroine for their show. A suicidally depressed Lara Dutta who appears to have lost her memory and /or be completely mad - somehow they convince her to come and be in their show.

Only… Lara turns out to ACTUALLY keep trying to kill herself, and SURPRISE! not be who she says she is, which GUTS AKKI LIKE A KNIFE since he is IN LOVE WITH THE PAGAL GIRL. To top things off, look who arrives…

Plot TWIST! A Khan bhai. He has GOT to be pure evil.

Arbaaz! He mentions shaadi so I assume he is her fiancée? Husband? They are linked somehow. And he takes her away. But then she calls Akki in a panic, saying that Arbaaz is going to murder her.

You said the pizza would be here in 15 minutes. IT'S BEEN HALF AN HOUR.

At this point I’m all like “Wait, WHAT? I thought this was a comedy?”

Akki and Chichi rush over to Lara’s house in time to SEE HER DIE IN FLAMES.

What is it with Bollywood films and people dying horribly in fires?

I knew Arbaaz was evil as soon as he walked in. And then at the big theatre performance, Akki and Chichi see Lara’s ghost, and follow it, and (convoluted series of events later) end up with a dead body, and lots of blood on their hands.

Uh, Arbaaz? You got some red on you.

And from then on they keep seeing Lara ALIVE (like Mukesh sees Shanti in Om Shanti Om). But now they are wanted killers! WHAT THE HELL? Now this film is a thriller? So then there’s yet another convoluted series of events, interspersed with the nonsensical subplots, where Chichi and Akki try and get to the bottom of the mystery of who Lara is.

Cue climactic confrontation in a clock.

Cue flashback explaining everything.

Cue all the subplots coming together completely incomprehensibly with everyone ending up inside a clock: our loveable heroes, NOT DEAD LARA, Shakti Kapoor and Mullet Guy, the other criminal drug lord guys, Firm but Fair Jackie Shroff and omigod waitforit KILLER BEES AND PEOPLE CATAPULTING OFF A FIRETRUCK. And….wait, what? THAT’S ACTUALLY THE END?


Oh yeah and at one point Govinda wears a polystyrene plate on his head for no apparent reason. 
 

What I realised from watching this film:

Around the halfway mark, my laptop refused to play the Bhagam Bhag disc – and by that point, I was invested enough in a film that I obviously barely comprehended, to spend at least half an hour trying to get the disc to work again. Why? Because it was still entertaining. It’s just that the bits I found entertaining I probably wouldn’t have noticed OR would normally have found annoying if I had understood everything.

One of the most obvious aesthetic differences between Bollywood films and Western films, and something that is apparently jarring to people unprepared for a typical Hindi film, is the way they span several genres at once, defying the Western idea of fitting into a nice tidy niche box and instead encompassing romance, action, drama, comedy, musical, slapstick all in one film. To Western viewers, Hindi film plots can seem to meander aimlessly, starting out as one thing – e.g. a romantic comedy, veering into melodrama, diverting into a comedy subplot for a little while, before throwing in a bit of action, leaving the viewer wondering “What happened to the characters at the start of the film? Why are we watching a whole different movie now?” Plus, the Bollywood style is generally regarded as being a bit bigger and louder than Western films. Detractors declaim the comedy, for example, as tacky slapstick, the costumes as garish, the acting as overly melodramatic.

"What do you mean, there are people who think Chandni Chowk to China sucked?"

The standard justification for it is the same as the answer given to the “Why is there no kissing in Bollywood?” question: mainstream Hindi films have to appeal to a hugely diverse audience, in terms of age, language, social class, religion etc – so they aim to appeal to the lowest common denominator, err on the side of not offending anyone and give paisa vasool (value for money). The more genres they hit, the more chance there will be SOMETHING you like in the film.

And I totally got that watching Bhagam Bhag. Bollywood conventions that in the past were 'just how Hindi films are' suddenly made a LOT of sense when the dialogue didn't. In the stretches where I was completely confused, a well-placed action sequence that let me rest my brain made me whoop (plus Akki and action = PAISA VASOOL!). The climax of the film would have been completely incomprehensible to me except for the inclusion of a classic Bollywood FLASHBACK SEQUENCE that spelled it all out visually for me. When it was all getting a bit too much - AH! A song! Who doesn't love a song, with the added bonus that a song can tell a lot of story by showing the audience and evoking emotion in music rather than explaining through dialogue. Comedy sequences that would normally (e.g. if I understood the language) be annoyingly over the top were HILARIOUS because the exaggeration helped me understand what was going on. It’s not like I ever had a problem with the larger than life side of Bollywood – it’s just that in Bhagam Bhag, I have never appreciated the comic value of Govinda speaking in a falsetto more than when I had no idea what he was saying.

I might need to try watching Do Knot Disturb sans subtitles…

Krazzy 4 (Jaideep Sen, 2008)

The only reason I own Krazzy 4 is because it was on mega-sale for like, a dollar, and I used it as a weak excuse to justify the shipping on some dvds I actually wanted. Not even the hyped Shahrukh and Hrithik item numbers had swayed me prior to the opportunity to own a movie I didn’t really want for a bargain basement price, because you wanna know something? That’s totally why Youtube exists.

If I hide my face, maybe they won't know it's me in this travesty of a film.

Hrithik only appears in the end credits. BOOM SUCKERS! YOU GOT PLAYED!
Also: conspiracy: double-thumb remains hidden for entire song. WE KNOW IT'S THERE HRITHIK!

So obviously, I went into this one with low expectations. And boy, were my instincts right this time. Here are some things you need to know about Krazzy 4:

Producer Rakesh Roshan obviously subconsciously suspected the film was going to reek.  
Despite the miraculously not sucky cast Krazzy 4 managed to attract (Irfan Khan, Arshad Warsi, Juhi Chawla, even Rajpal Yadav and Rajat Kapoor: WHY ARE ANY OF YOU IN THIS FILM?), titling the film saw Roshan sticking to his superstitious beliefs about needing the film's title to start with a 'K' to make it a hit. Plus, for numerological reasons (also to ensure box office success) an extra 'z' was added, making "Crazy" into "K-R-A-Z-Z-Y". Yet, consult Box Office Mojo for some stats and...hmmm, how's that superstition working out, Rakesh?

There is an item number with Rakhi Sawant in it.

So, you know. SKIP IT. Because she’s freaky and tacky and just kind of hideous.

Irfan's expression mirrors mine for the entirety of Rakhi's time onscreen.

The script is retarded.

Krazzy 4, is about four (no kidding?!) loveable mental patients whose psychiatrist Dr Sonali (Juhi Chawla), despite the fact that the Krazzy 4 are initially introduced to the audience as CLEARLY MENTAL and nowhere NEAR ready to be integrated back into society without a lot more therapy, decides that it would be an excellent idea to take them all to a cricket match the very next day.

Really? Because Mukherjee (Irfan Khan) is continuing to impersonate a doctor and refusing to accept the fact that he is mentally ill, and also has a lot of control and authority issues that seem to go waaaay beyond the diagnosis of “OCD”? As a reward for Raja (Arshad Warsi) failing to get his anger management problems under control and smashing up a chair and threatening other patients in the relative safety of the mental hospital? Because Dabboo (Suresh Menon) is perpetually non-communicative and scared of everything so clearly ready for life in the real world? Or because the cricket match between India and England falls on the day celebrating India winning her Independence from Britain, which Mr Gangadhar (Rajpal Yadav), who believes he is a freedom fighter embroiled in the struggle for Independence, DOESN’T BELIEVE HAS EVEN HAPPENED YET? Yeah that’s gonna be good tiiiiiimes.

TRUST ME! I got my Psychiatry degree off the internet!

No, you’re a really good doctor, NOTHING COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG.

But I've already proved to be a really good judge of character and situations, HOW COULD THIS POSSIBLY HAPPEN TO ME?

Unless WHOOPS! You got totally plausibly and not at all “we’re making shit up as we go along because the movie is called Krazzy 4 not Krazzy 4 and their Dipshit Doctor” KIDNAPPED when you left a bunch of lunatics in your car when you went to ‘pick up some papers’ from your office.

UH-OH! Krazzy 4 ON THE LOOSE! If you can’t see where this movie is headed then perhaps you need your head examined. See what I did there?

"Here we come, walking down the street...we get the funniest looks from everyone we meet..."

It’s not a sequel.

…in case you were worried you had missed the first  three ‘hilarious’ installments. What IS actually hilarious is this:

and the idea that someone thought this movie was going to be a super-mega-hit with people demanding more. Ha! HA! HAHAHAHAH!

There is only one reason to watch this film…

…and his name is Arshad Warsi. 

It wouldn't be an update without someone giving it the crazy krazzy eyes. 

OH ARSHAD! I can’t wait to see Ishqiya. Not only are you foxy and a bit swoonariffic, you can act rings around some of the other familiar faces in this film who appear to be sleepwalking through their roles (though in a film like this, can you blame them?). The only times I laughed at this so-called comedy were when Raja was having anger management problems. The only thing is, I’m not sure if those bits were SUPPOSED to be funny.

...except this bit. This bit was definitely played for comedy. Look at Irfan hiding in the corner!

 Anyway, if I ever watch this film again it will be purely because I cannot get enough Arshad, who has joined Sanju-Baba*, Ajay Devgn and Chichi on the list of my latest obsessions. Someone give him a meaty role, quick. 

*and before you ask: yes, I've seen Lage Raho Munna Bhai, and am waiting for Munna Bhai M.B.B.S to arrive. Sanju Baba and Arshad together in full glory! WHERE DO YOU THINK THE OBSESSION BEGAN?!