Three for the price of one!

With the holidays and all I have been a little remiss in updating, and the backlog of films watched but not written up is only getting bigger and bigger (sigh, and it’s only going to get worse when all the dvds I ordered before Christmas that have been delayed in the mail by the holidays start piling up on my doorstep). So today we have three mini-reviews, of films not quite memorable enough to warrant their own page.

Garam Masala (Priyadarshan, 2005)

What is it?

Slapstick comedy/farce about the shenanigans that ensue when hunky, but engaged, photographer Mac (Akshay Kumar) tries to juggle affairs with 3 air hostesses at a secret bachelor pad. Mac’s former best friend, now sworn enemy, hunky photographer Sam (John Abraham) finds out and threatens to reveal the situation but ends up moving in to the bachelor pad and getting embroiled in the hijinks.

Reason to watch:

There is only one reason, and that is: man-candy. John Abraham especially is super-hot in this film, but Akki is always pretty smooth, and will always have a piece of my heart, and a great deal of my lust. The song where they are both pretty much posing topless for the entire time is a personal favourite.

 

 Man candy!

Reason to skip:

Skip it because THIS FILM IS REALLY QUITE BAD. Although many people enjoy this film for its slapstick comedy (indeed, it earned Akki an accolade for being Best Comedian at the Filmfares that year, I think) I AM NOT ONE OF THEM. I agree wholeheartedly with the Filmigirl school of thought: that Garam Masala represents a low point in the careers of all involved. There is definitely a place for Priyadarshan comedy, but this is not one of the better ones.

Namastey London (Vipul Amrutlal Shah, 2006)

What is it?

Akshay Kumar/Katrina Kaif vehicle, essentially about the clash of Indian and Western values. British-raised Indian girl Jasmeet, or Jazz as she prefers to be known (Katrina Kaif) is embracing Western culture a little too enthusiastically, much to the disappointment of her father. He takes the family on a trip back to India, and whilst there, arranges Jazz’s marriage to a Punjab farmer, Arjun (Akshay Kumar). But once they get back to London, Jazz refuses to recognize the marriage as legal and is set on marrying her British boyfriend, Charlie Brown – despite the fact that Arjun is now in love with her.

Reason to watch:

Rishi Kapoor! I think I love present day Rishi more than classic 70s Rishi!

Plus Akshay Kumar gets to show his sensitive side. I love when he shows his sensitive side. It’s nice when he’s all badass and kicking people in the face, but I like romantic hero Akki. He’s adorable.

Oh schoo schweeeet!

Reason to skip:

I’d skip it if you’re not a fan of romantic comedy, but otherwise, this is a movie anyone could watch. It’s like a nice, inoffensive family film – not especially memorable or groundbreaking but definitely not bad.

Bachna Ae Haseeno (Siddharth Anand, 2008)

What is it?

A film exploring three love stories and how they impact Raj, who is, to put it bluntly, a bastard. Can he correct the mistakes of his past to win the love of his life?

Reason to watch:

Because Ranbir Kapoor is going to be a superstar, and proves it by managing to remain likeable even with the worst script ever. Watch the kid – he is working really hard. Plus he reminded me of my main man SRK at various points during the film. The kid is gonna be a masssssive star.

Plus: MAN CANDY. Even if you never watch the rest of the film ever again, the title track (conveniently placed as the opening credits) is one of my favourites EVER. Ranbir is both cute, AND hot. SUPERSTAR, I’m telling you.

 Cute...

...AND hot!

Reason to skip:

OMG because it’s an okay movie up until the infamous Gayatri turnaround out of nowhere. No film has ever made me more pissed off and disappointed with such a pathetic, cop-out ending. For those who don't know, essentially, for the whole movie Gayatri is like "I don't want to get married, I don't need to get married, I have a plan for my future, I have goals", only to crumble at the last minute and decide that no, actually, she will give up everything she has worked for and stood for because that's what a woman does. UM NO.  Here’s my tip for enjoying BAH:

Just watch the Mahi/Raj story as a little mini film and skip the rest. If you have never seen DDLJ, watch that first. Some people love the Radhika storyline – I really didn’t, and I don’t know if that is the movie’s fault or because I have no fondness for Bipasha Basu (she always kind of reminds me of a robot with empty eyes). But for the love of  all that is good in Bollywood, skip Gayatri and her lame, not at all developed character and her pathetic ending.

What the heart wants, this movie will give you.

Dil Chahta Hai (Farhan Akhtar, 2001)

It seems like only yesterday I was in my last year of high school and I thought the friends I saw every day would be my friends forever. I remember the last day of school, sitting in the courtyard in the sunshine, all of us speculating about where we would be years down the line. Who would be rich? Who would be famous?

A few weeks ago, on my birthday, I got a surprise visit from one of the people who sat in that courtyard with me, a person who was one of my best friends at high school.

It was the first time I had seen him in 10 years.  And though there was a decade since we had last met, it was like only a day or two had passed. It was genuinely an amazing surprise to see him.

That’s the sort of thing you think about watching a film like Dil Chahta Hai (The heart wants...). Don’t be misled by the blurb on the DVD case into thinking it’s just another Bollywood ‘romance’ film.

The story, ostensibly, is about love. Three friends, just out of college, have three different experiences of love. Akash (Aamir Khan) is the ultimate player, who has never had a relationship lasting more than two weeks, and who doesn’t believe (or apparently want to believe) that love exists; Sameer, the ultimate romantic, constantly searching for “the One” and mistaking every flutter of his heart for true love; and Siddarth, the balanced one, neither hiding from nor searching for love, trusting that if he is loving and kind love will find him in the end.

Each character has a romantic obstacle to work through, which give or take a few plot elements basically boils down (pretty obviously) to trying to get the girl.

Pretty Preity is one of aforementioned 'girls'.

So far, so much of the same old same old, yeah? What’s so great about yet another romantic film?

The strength of Dil Chahta Hai is that, though on the surface it is about three guys and their romantic entanglements, what it is REALLY about is the friendship between Akash, Sameer and Siddarth; and the promise and uncertainty of that brief window between graduation and …real life. In true Bollywood fashion it defies fitting into a neat genre box, but let’s say this one is romantic comedy plus buddy movie plus coming of age.

Can you feel the love tonight?

So much of this film has a beautiful, bittersweet quality to it – summed up the best when the three boys take an impromptu roadtrip to Goa for a week, then decide, having had such a good time, to meet up there every year. It’s Siddarth who sees a  flaw in this plan, pointing out a ship just about to disappear over the horizon, and saying that the three of them are like three ships, “and what if we are sailing in different directions? Who knows where we’ll all be this time next year, let alone ten years from now?”

Sometimes Siddarth can be a bit of a downer.

As soon as I finished watching Dil Chahta Hai, a film that is a good three hours long, I wanted to hit play and watch it all over again. The feeling I had when it came to an end was like the one you sometimes get when you finish reading a good book  - satisfied and sated, but regretful that you have to leave that perfectly created fictional world and the characters you have come to know and love so well, so soon.

Yep. That’s how much I loved Dil Chahta Hai.

HIGHLIGHTS AND RANDOM OBSERVATIONS

Akshaye Khanna. A) He looks SO MUCH LIKE HIS FATHER and B) He can act, all right. He is HEARTBREAKING. (The only other thing I’ve seen him in so far is the abominable Aaja Nachle and the words CRIMINALLY UNDERUSED spring to mind).

Akshaye convinced me of his awesomeness in this film.

 

But when your dad is totally The Man, how could you not rock it? It would just be embarrassing.

According to imdb.com, Saif Ali Khan wasn’t going to accept a role in this film but Dimple Kapadia persuaded him he should do it.  He pretty much owes her, then, since it’s probably the best role I’ve seen him in. His performance in Woh Ladki Hai Kahan alone (a spoof of Bollywood through the ages) is HILARIOUS, and if I’m not mistaken, that’s TOTALLY Shahrukh he’s imitating RIDICULOUSLY AWESOMELY at the end on the clifftop. HAHAHA it made me laugh out loud.

You really need to watch this whole song. It made me LOVE Saif! And I have never been a S.A.K fangirl.

The crowning moment of glory. I roared with laughter. JUST WATCH IT ALREADY.

Also, apparently Hrithik Roshan was the first choice for Siddarth (Akshaye was going to play Akash) and when he turned it down it was offered to Abhishek. When HE turned it down, Farhan Akhtar offered Aamir Khan the role of Akash and gave Akshaye Khanna the role of Siddarth instead. I can’t imagine anyone else playing Sid as perfectly. YES THIS POST IS SORT OF TURNING OUT TO BE FULL ON KHANNA-LOVE.

Speaking of Dimple: two words: RIDICULOUS AWESOME. The scenes between her and Akshaye are some of my favourites, EVER.

Now here is a beautiful woman, for sure.

...and though he looks a bit pervy in this pic, lets end with some Khanna love. Why? 

BECAUSE WE KHAN(NA). I'm sorry, it had to be done.

INCOMPREHENSIBLE SQUEAL OF EXCITEMENT

Is it too much to hope that this actually gets a decent NZ release, so I can see it in the cinema?

Even if I have to travel to our beloved capital city, I WOULD, BECAUSE OMG AWESOME.

As if there was any doubt that Shahrukh Khan is love, the lump in my throat at the end when he says "My name is Khan...and I am not a terrorist"....OH MAN! I AM INCOHERENT with anticipation and SRK LOVE.

Don't call it superstition

Mangal Pandey: The Rising (Ketan Mehta, 2005)

Fact: Aamir Khan grew his hair and mustache because he doesn't like wigs. (Thank you imdb.com)

So here’s  a little bit of context. It has been a long, tiresome week at work. This morning, I woke up to torrential rain literally soaking my living room carpet, no milk in the fridge for my coffee and the realization that although I THOUGHT I had tonight off work, I in fact do have to go in. Meaning I still haven’t actually had a single day away from my workplace in something like two months. So, in lieu of picking a nice, mindless romantic comedy to cheer myself up with, I chose Mangal Pandey: The Rising. I know, weird choice, right?

But it was the right choice. I’ll let you in on a secret: I have been growing a little weary of Bollywood lately, or more specifically, the fluffy, light entertainment films I have been seeing recently. Maybe Aaja Nachle and its paper thin, boring clichéd plot was the final straw, but watch too many duds in a row and it gets to you. Sometimes you crave a little bit of substance. Thankfully, Mangal Pandey delivered just what I was craving: a nice solid dose of absorbing historical education, as well as a hefty helping of “what the hell have you got to whine about? Some people actually have PROBLEMS”.  It’s hard to mope about having to drink black coffee or having a soggy carpet when confronted with thorny moral dilemmas and the bloody battles real people had to wage for freedom.

Based on the actual historical events surrounding what is either referred to as the Sepoy Rebellion or the First Indian War of Independence (depending on which side you are on), Mangal Pandey: The Rising is set in colonial India in 1857. India is governed by a British company – the East India Trading Company – and the British Army are using Indians as sepoys – infantry – to control the population and to help fight to protect British interests.

It is when the army introduces new gun cartridges which require the soldiers to bite through the paper casing, that dissent begins to grow among the sepoys. The cartridges are rumoured to be greased with pig and cow fat – meaning Hindu and Muslim soldiers cannot bite them for religious reasons – a concern which the British Army dismiss as “superstition”. Mangal Pandey is the name of the Indian soldier who is central to the rebellion.

It’s not a movie for when you want to just switch your brain off and be entertained – the story is absorbing but, especially viewing as someone of British descent, raised in a Commonwealth country with its own indigenous population, it raises some provocative issues about cultural appropriation and exploitation. Be prepared, also, to find yourself in moral and ethical quandaries alongside certain characters as they are forced to make tricky decisions. There are no easy answers, but the fact that this is a true story, and that one man was prepared to risk everything for what he believed was right should at least make you question what it is YOU believe, and why.

SOME QUICK POINTS

I am appalled (yet at the same time, not really all that surprised) that I have never been taught about British colonialism at any stage of my schooling. The closest I got was briefly touching on Postcolonial Cinema at uni, and I'm pretty sure the focus there was Africa.

Toby Stephens speaks decent Hindi, especially compared to some of the horrible sounds that come out of the other British officers' mouths.

Part of the reason this film fascinates me is how it melds the political with the popular (take out all the songs and you’d have a perfectly serviceable Hollywood-type film; but then, would you have lost a large chunk of the audience? Who is it that needs to see a film like this? Is it the Indian public, many of whom would be familiar with the story of Mangal Pandey, or people like me, who aren’t? Or does this film serve another purpose, propaganda-like, stirring up or reviving nationalistic sentiment? For what cause? )

This is the first film I have watched with Aamir Khan in it; based on this alone, I am willing to agree with the opinion that Aamir is the best actor of the Khans. SRK is clearly the greatest entertainer, but Sallu…what is Sallu?

"Dishy", even as an old man

Mad at Madhuri

Aaja Nachle (Anil Mehta, 2007)


Madhuri Dixit was the dancing ‘It Girl’ of Bollywood in the late ‘80s and early ‘90s, before she chose marriage (to an American NRI, apparently) and children over films and disappeared from the Hindi film industry after she appeared in Devdas in 2002.

Aaja Nachle is Madhuri’s widely heralded comeback vehicle. It’s a dance extravaganza featuring Madhuri as Dia…um…a woman who abandoned her hometown and ran away from her arranged marriage to follow her heart and marry an American, only to return to her hometown several years later (divorced) to try and save the theatre where she learned to dance from being demolished to make way for a shopping mall.

Except it’s worse than even that terribly mediocre synopsis sounds.

REASONS I WILL PROBABLY NEVER SIT THROUGH THIS MOVIE AGAIN

I can’t stand Madhuri Dixit. I don’t know why. I just don’t like her.  She sort of reminds me of a teacher I had once. The more I saw of her, which was A LOT in this film, the more I wanted to just switch her off.

Seriously, you WILL get sick of this face. I don't want to be HAPPY ALL THE TIME.

Normally, not liking an actor in a movie is something I can overcome. Hell, I thought I LOATHED Salman Khan and now Jaan-E-Mann is one of my favourite movies…partly thanks to Sallu’s performance. I don’t know what it is about her, but there is something that prevents me from connecting, at any level, with Madhuri’s character.
And there is no escaping that Aaja Nachle is really The Madhuri Dixit Show, and whatever thin plot exists, exists only as an excuse for her to be in nearly EVERY FRAME OF THE FILM, 80% of the time dancing (because that is obviously what she does best).


The plot. Poorly paced, boring, paper thin, it’s another clichéd tale about an outcast returning home to get ragtag villagers to help put on a show to save the town _____(fill in the gap – in this case, theatre). While it’s true that there are no new stories in the world, this one has been done to death, so at least do it well. Aaja Nachle does it badly. Even though I’m not a big fan, it’s apparent that Madhuri has a tonne of followers keen to see her rock it onscreen, and while Aaja Nachle certainly lets her dance her heart out, it’s to the detriment of anything else. In concentrating so hard on making sure the audience get their overdose of Madhuri, the actual entertaining and interesting part of the story – the ragtag villagers putting on the show – is neglected to the point that I wondered if they were even given NAMES (apparently yes, but don’t ask me what they are).

Supporting characters are reduced to such thin sketches that at one point Akshaye Khanna’s politician character is forced to answer the question “Who are you?” with “Who am I? I’m THE BAD GUY”, presumably because including actual exposition or story SHOWING this fact would take away time that could be used for Madhuri dancing. Why SHOW when you can TELL? It’s the opposite of what I learned in Media Scriptwriting 101.

The bad guy (other than the person who green-lit this terrible film).

This isn’t really the movie’s fault, but the subtitles on my copy are…iffy. My Hindi is limited to what I’ve managed to pick up through watching way too many Bollywood films, but even I can tell that when onscreen, a character says “Thik hain” and speaks for two more minutes and the subtitles ONLY SAY “Okay” THERE IS SOMETHING NOT BEING TRANSLATED. Tell me THE WHOLE STORY, SUBTITLES!

IT’S INSULTING. Tomboyish Anokhi (Konkona Sen Sharma) is in love with Imran (Kunal Kapoor) but doesn’t know how to make him notice her. SIGH. Dia’s advice is pretty much “What do you expect, your hair’s ugly and you dress ugly, you have to start playing silly emotional games with him and then manipulate him until he’s wrapped round your little finger”.

Um. Okay. Really not loving that advice. Way to be a role model, DIA. (And in case you hadn’t noticed EVERYONE IN THE VILLAGE HATES YOU, so shut your stupid mouth already).

 This is Anokhi (note: hair no longer ugly, clothes no longer ugly) following Dia's advice and playing silly games with Imran, instead of just saying "I like you" WHICH WOULD HAVE SAVED US ALL SOME TIME.

IT’S UNREALISTIC. Haha, yeah I know. It’s a movie. And normally, lack of realism is not a criticism I would throw at a Bollywood film. Normally, in situations like this, I am more than happy to suspend my disbelief. But – this film was really really boring, and it put me in a bad mood, so I’m being mean to it, and also, I WORK AT A PROFESSIONAL THEATRE, so this is a pet peeve. You know how there are heaps of movies about how someone is gonna “put on a show” to “save” __________(fill in the blank) from financial ruin, or the bad guys, or whatever? This is pretty much THE WORST PLAN EVER.  Putting on a show = massive financial investment = silly idea for a bunch of rag tag villagers with no resources and only two months to do it in.

The staging of Laila-Majnu, with its multiple sets, including a revolve (!), lavish costuming, and various lighting states, would have cost THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS to produce. Dia could have poured that money into establishing a community arts center that could have actually benefited the village on a long-term continuing basis more than a one-off show that she would direct and star in before disappearing back to the States. I’M JUST SAYING.

The rubbish ending. OMG SERIOUSLY?! If you sit through the credits you will see that it looks like Dia is back in New York HOOKING UP WITH THE BAD GUY. Not Mohan, the sweetheart she abandoned at the altar, who clearly was still in love with her all those years later, but THE BAD GUY WHO WAS HER ENEMY FOR THE WHOLE MOVIE EVEN THOUGH HE ONLY HAD LIKE 3 LINES BECAUSE OTHERWISE THERE WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN ENOUGH TIME FOR ALL MADHURI’S DANCING.

Sigh. This movie was SO UNSATISFYING.

Plus there was nowhere near enough of Jugal’s cutey-cuteness.  Oh JUGAL! I BOUGHT THIS STUPID MOVIE BECAUSE OF YOU AND YOUR CUTEY-CUTENESS.

Jugal is SCHO SCHWEEEEEEET.

 "Why didn't I get more screen time? HUH? I'm CUTEY-CUTE!"

Vinay Pathak’s stuffy government official was a revelation though, having previously only seen him in RNBDJ as Surinder’s flamboyant friend Bobby. YAY Vinay!

Nobody puts Bobby in a corner.

Plus swoony Kunal Kapoor = mmmm eye candy. But deserves way better than this clunker of a film. I’d like to be watching him because of his acting, not just because he’s pretty.

I'm just mad about at Madhuri.

And an eternal hurrah for Irfan Khan. The man is sexy, AND he can act.

"Don't judge me for this. I'm an ACTOR. I needed the work".